This is just a short little thing I needed to get out of my head! This is kind of what I'm going through in my own life right now, so I felt the need to translate it to Delena terms. :)
My head was spinning.
When did life get so complicated? Was it when I met Stefan? Or when I started dating him? Maybe it was when Damon became a common point in my life. Or when I started having feelings for my boyfriend's brother?
But that's just it, isn't it? Damon was no longer just my boyfriend's brother. And while we're being honest, he stopped being my boyfriend's brother long before Stefan stopped being my boyfriend.
This thing with Damon and I, it caught me off guard. I mean, I did love Stefan, that's something I can't change. But, Damon is...Damon's something else. Damon is that kind of love that I dreamed about having when I was a kid. The kind that's passionate and fierce, and uncontrollable. The way Damon looks at me, it's the way my dad looked at my mom, and the thought of that alone makes my heart skip a beat. He makes my heart skip a beat.
There was a certain point where I fell out of love with Stefan, just like there was a certain point I fell in love with Damon. But, I refused to acknowledge either of them. I kept pretending that my feelings for Stefan were real because, well, that's what everyone thought I should do. That's what everyone expected me to do.
People don't approve of Damon Salvatore.
I realize now just how cowardly and shallow that is, and sometimes I really hate myself for doing that to him. Even if he doesn't know it.
But the thing is, Damon is my best friend. Despite all he's done to me, heck, despite all I've done to him, he is the person I trust most in the world. And for a while, I made myself think that that's all it was, an extremely close friendship. And I really did believe it.
I don't really know how or when it hit me that I was in love with him. One moment I was all about Stefan, and the next I realized that it wasn't always going to be Stefan. I realized that it always was and always will be Damon.
The thought of that scared the absolute shit out of me. There were just so many reasons why I shouldn't love Damon, why I absolutely couldn't love Damon. But slowly, I began to understand that there were so many more reasons why it made perfect sense. That we, Damon and I, made perfect sense.
I spent so long denying my feelings for him that even imagining us together seemed so overwhelming. In the best possible way.
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