July 12, 2012

I can't stand it here, I really can't.

There's only so much I'm able to take. I think I've reached my breaking point. My body has never felt so numb before, like every miniscule cell that has ever existed has died. I have died. What's left of me now? My soul; my shattered, tattered, broken soul, the soul that only tells sorrowful stories of despondency and pain. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I try to run away, I can't seem to piece it back together.

There's nothing left for me here, not even the slightest glimmer of hope.

Hope. That word is becoming foreign to me now. What do I hope for?

I hope to be saved.

"Bonnie? Bonnie! Get your ass up!"

The loud, booming voice of my obnoxious step-mother echoed through the house, jolting me up from my sweet slumber. Even my unconscious dreams aren't safe from her. I thought to myself and sighed as I slowly rose from my bed. There was never a day where I would ever peacefully wake up without that loud-mouthed dragon lady roaming this house. As long as she was here, my life with never be serene. I dragged my feet clad with bunny slippers along the wooden floors and headed towards the bathroom that was adjoined to my bedroom. Thank goodness I don't have to leave my room to go the bathroom; now if only there was a kitchen in here… Looking up, I saw my reflection. My torn up, beat down reflection.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I recalled the night before. Just for a moment, just for a short precious moment, I had eluded the memories of the previous night. Leaning forward to get a better look at my reflection, I touched my slightly pink cheek where she had struck me with great force with her small, frail hands. I winced; it stung a bit still and it might even be bruised. I tried to stop my tears from escaping, but it was too late. I dropped to my knees and cried, cried with what little tears I had left. How can a mother strike her own child?

No. She was not my mother. My mother is not mean and hateful; she is not violent and ugly. He was not my father. He is far from it. My mother is beautiful and kind; she's caring and full of sweetness. My father is sweet and protective; he would have never walked away unconcerned if someone attacked me. I've loathed my father from day one of his marriage with that dreadful woman. If only my mother hadn't left me as a child…would things have been different? Would I have been happy? At this point, anything irrelevant to that demon would make me happy.

Regaining some sense, I slowly stood up on the hard, cold, tile floors of my bathroom and proceeded to ready myself for the day. I brushed my long, wavy beige brown hair and tied it up into a high ponytail so it wouldn't be bothersome when I washed my face and brushed my teeth. When I was done, I applied my usual light makeup – just enough to cover the scars and bruises, as well as my dark circles I acquired due to lack of sleep. Who could sleep with the devil on the loose?

"There's mail for you! Hurry up and get it before I throw it out!" My step-mother yelled, banging on the door as if I was going to open it for her.

"I'm coming," I replied to her dryly. There was no use in yelling back at her; I don't think my wallet can afford anymore foundation or concealer. After getting dressed, I left my only sanctuary. Soon, however, it'll be unsafe I'm sure of it. I walked downstairs to the kitchen to find a single envelop with a wax seal, pondering who could have sent me mail. Who even sends me mail anymore? I sat down at the table as my step-mother scurried around the kitchen. She haphazardly threw a plate of breakfast in front of me as I opened the letter.

Dear Bonnie Saefin,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress

Is this a joke?

I looked at the piece of parchment in my hands, dumbstruck. Hogwarts? Witchcraft and wizardry? A dry chuckle left my throat and I folded the letter in disbelief, sliding the paper back into its envelope. Who would go so far to pull such a silly prank? I slid my finger over the red wax seal and a sense of familiarity rushed over me. It was as if…as if I've been there before. I shook the thought out of my head. How could I have been to a place I never even heard of before?

"What's that?" Lost in my thoughts, I didn't even realize my father had walked into the kitchen. He walked towards where I was sitting and I didn't dare meet his eyes. Instead, I picked at the food that was in front of me. "Excuse me, young lady, I asked you something." He said again when I didn't answer.

I looked at him with a piercing gaze. "It's a letter, obviously." I replied rolling my eyes. He was the only one I'd be able to sass without worry about being beaten; he wasn't fully heartless after he married that woman. He snatched the envelope out of my hands and before I could reach for it, he stepped away and began to take the parchment out carelessly.

"Who would send…" his voice trailed off and his eyes widened as I watched him scan the words written on the paper. He quickly folded it back up and walked out of the kitchen with my letter in his hand. He mumbled words I couldn't make out and my interest in that letter peaked. I left my uneaten breakfast on the table and followed his footsteps.

"Dad? What is that letter? What's Hogwarts?" I asked him as I watched his usual calm and careless composure turn into something that looked like anxiety, something I rarely saw in my father when I actually did pay attention to him. Something told me that this wasn't a prank and I became eager to find out what this Hogwarts was

As if I had said something insulting about his wife, he turned around quickly and snapped at me. "Forget you ever saw that letter! It's just a joke! Don't ever mention it again, you hear me!" He said to me, trying to keep his voice down as if he didn't want the devil to hear. It was too late, however, because she came marching into the living room instantly.

"What's going on?"

My father walked to her, smiling nervously and tried to gently push her out of the room as if he was hiding a precious secret. "It's nothing dear, just continue doing what you were doing." He laughed dryly and continued to attempt to push her out of the room, but after a few steps she wouldn't budge. I saw her eye the letter in his hand and she reached for it, but my father moved it out of her reach. Her eyes became narrow and she reached for it again, becoming a bit more irritated when he had moved once more.

"What is that?" She asked, looking at the letter. "What are you hiding from me?"

Helplessly, my father sighed and showed her the letter. "It came, it's here. We've hid her for too long and now they've finally found her."

Hid me? I thought, even more dumbstruck than before. "Hid me from what?" I questioned, but of course the two ignored me – as usual.

My step-mother snatched the letter out of his hand in disbelief, skimming over it. She looked shockingly at my father and read it again. "She's not going to go, she's staying. She's ours and she will do as we say. She will obey us," she said to him, talking as if I was their slave. I might as well be, that's what they treat me like. A slave.

"Hid me from what? What are you talking about?" I asked again, this time raising my voice.

"You stay out of it!" My step-mother snapped at me.

At that very moment, my temperature rose and every ounce of serenity I had left had diminished. After all these years, I could not take it anymore. I could not stand her anymore. "Don't tell me to stay out of it when it has everything to do with me!" I stepped towards her, my eyes glimmered with hatred and irritation. "What are you hiding from me?" I shouted at her and she stepped back; her face only showed fear for a split second before returning to her natural, evil look, but the shaking in her hands said otherwise.

"Young lady, don't you—"

"Tell me now!" I shouted once more and the house began to shake. "What are you hiding from me?" I felt a surge of energy through my body, something I often felt when I became angry, but this time it was stronger than ever. It was as if… as if fire bore inside of me. I became heated and the angrier I got, the more the house began to shake underneath my feet. Even though I was surprised, I continued on without care.

My step-mother grabbed onto my father, her face finally struck with fear as well as my father's. "Make her stop! Make her stop!"

"Bonnie! Bonnie!" My father yelled at me, "Stop! Please, stop!" He begged, cowering in fear. "I'll tell you! J-just stop!"

Almost instantly, the house stopped its quivering and I began to control my temper. I settled down and stepped back, a little awestruck at what just happened, but glad that I finally had some control in this dysfunctional family. "Well? Tell me?" I demanded from my father. When they both regained their composure, a mumble escaped from my mother's mouth, something that sounded along the lines of 'just like your wretched mother'. "What did you say?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Nothing!" My father quickly replied and threw a look at the woman as if he didn't want to do anything more to further upset me. He took a deep breath and sighed loudly, walking towards me. He motioned me to sit down, but I didn't comply. Never will I ever obey these people again. He looked a little hurt, but I remained unaffected. "Bonnie, you're a witch."

A witch? I scoffed, "Are you being serious with me right now?"

"Bonnie, it's true," my step-mother continued. "That wretched—I mean your mother is a witch. A full-blooded witch, and so are you. We kept you away so you wouldn't get hurt, so you could live a normal life as an ordinary human." Her voice was lined with false sincerity and it made me want to vomit.

"Full-blooded?" I repeated, "Then does that mean my dad is magical too? A wizard?" I looked at both of them, "and don't you dare lie to me! Ever since my father married you, you've both treated me like crap! You abused me and basically enslaved me! Normal my ass! Don't you dare fucking lie to me!" I shouted angrily, tears brimming my eyes.

Then it me. Then he hit me.

"Don't…don't talk like that to your mother." He said quietly, almost as if he regretted his actions. How dare he call that woman my mother? He didn't dare look at me in the eyes; he just stared at whatever object was to his left and when he felt that he was ready, he continued to talk. "It's true, that I am a wizard, but I gave that life up long ago to live a normal and peaceful life. I hated the idea of magic, I hated it. I wanted to protect you from it, but your mother wasn't on the same page so she left you. She left us. Up to this moment, you were protected by one of the most powerful charms in the world of magic, one that eliminated your very existence to them. However, now…it has broken and they have found you."

"They?" I repeated, "who are they?"

My father looked unsteady, but he continued. "They as in those professors that teach magic at Hogwarts, they've been looking for you since you were a baby because they knew I'd hide you. They wanted to take you away when you were eleven, but I didn't let them find you. I didn't want them to fill your head with frivolous ideas of magic, you didn't need that. "

"And these people, are they bad? How in the hell would you know what I needed?" I said, anger starting to build up. What's so bad about a world of magic? What's so bad about being a witch? I could cast a spell on these two idiots and my life would be great!

"Well uh, no…they aren't bad people. I just don't want you to live that kind of life! Please understand!"

I looked at him, at both of them in disbelief. I had the chance to escape this horrible way of living all my life and they hid me from it! They decided to keep me a hidden and abused me themselves! "And this is the life you want me to live, Dad? This is how you want me to be treated for the rest of my life? You want me to live with this devil woman who beats me for no damn reason and treats me like a slave while you just watch like nothing is happening? Are you kidding me! Good or bad, I would have rather been taken away to this place than live here with you! Than live here with her! I'm sixteen now, Dad! Sixteen! I was supposed to live a better life, but you ruined it! I hate you!"

Before he could even answer me, I glanced at their stunned faces and stormed off, frustrated and irritated. Every word they were saying, the things like 'we kept you away so you wouldn't get hurt' was a lie. They are all idiots. I felt like I had been robbed of a better life, like there was something out there that could have saved me. Something that could have given me a light that I have never had all these years.

Hope. I could've had hope.