I'm Staying
Summary: Takes place after "Will the Chains Hold?" (in which Ruby goes through a more haunting, painful transformation in Storybrooke than what was featured on the show), this is mostly just Belle cleaning Ruby up and picking up the pieces
Note: I just really wanted to revisit this idea and play with it again. There's still maybe one or two other scenes I can churn out one of these days, if this one's well received enough.
The tub was filled and after checking to make sure the water wasn't hot enough to scald sensitive flesh, Belle half guided, half carried Ruby into it.
After that long night of torture and agony, she was too exhausted to stand by herself for very long, her trembling legs too fatigued to support her weight.
There was a wince as her feet first made contact with the water, then a whimper when her chafed, raw ankles went under. Her brow furrowed and her lips bared her teeth, giving away the discomfort and effort it took to lower herself into the tub. Her arm around Belle's shoulders was clinging on, fingers grasping the already strained fabric of Belle's blouse.
It was when she was finally fully in that Ruby leaned her head back with a sigh and closed her eyes.
From her position, Belle had a fairly clear view of Ruby's body.
But after spending most of the morning cradling Ruby's half conscious body while she wore nothing but an old blanket from the jail cell, Belle had gotten over the most of her squeamishness at the nakedness.
By the time David and Granny arrived this morning, Belle had taken charge of getting Ruby out of the station and to the apartment above the library, which was a less likely place for people to look than the Diner or the Bed and Breakfast.
What Belle couldn't get over was the splotches of blues, purples and greens that riddled Ruby's skin. The worst of the bruises were along her back, shoulders and shins from the intensity of her thrashing.
Worse still were the red, raw and even bleeding skin around her wrists, ankles and neck.
Granny said the wolf healing should be doing its work soon and the damage would be less noticeable by the time the moon was up again.
But who really wanted to even think of the moon coming up again?
The echoes of Ruby's screams of agony still rang in Belle's ears. It was especially loud now, in the quiet stillness of the bathroom since the water was no longer running.
Ruby was quiet, breathing slowly and evenly.
But Belle could still remember when gasps and whimpers were the only sounds tearing out of Ruby's throat, accompanied by her thrashing body as her very bones broke and crunched under her skin, straining through the transformation between human and wolf anatomy.
The light throb of bruises on her chin, shoulders and back; the claw marks on her cheek and the pricked skin at the back of her hand reminded Belle of that night. The sight of Ruby's tortured body reminded Belle of that night. The echoes inside Belle's own head reminded her of that night.
How could she forget that night?
And how could Ruby possibly survive a repeat of that tonight?
How could Rumple stand by and do nothing when he clearly knew that this was going to happen? He knew enough to warn Ruby, but didn't bother to help her out of goodness and decency? He still had to try making a deal out of it? And clearly for a price that Ruby wouldn't or couldn't pay.
"You okay?" Ruby's voice was a low, scratchy whisper, throat raw from all the screaming and crying.
"I'm the one who should be asking you that." Belle bottled up the brewing frustration with Rumple, putting it aside with ease that came out of years and worlds of practice.
Ruby curled into herself, drawing her knees up to her chest and folding her arms over her breasts. "Is it your cheek? O-or your hand? I'm sorry." She swallowed and moved as far back as the tub would allow, pressing her bruised back against its walls.
"Belle, I'm sorry." Ruby's voice shook and trembled. One hand came up out of the water to wipe at her eyes. "I'm a monster. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"Ruby, no." It tore at Belle's chest to hear Ruby talking like this, thinking this about herself. Leaning over the tub, Belle hesitated, then reached over to cup Ruby's cheek, moving slowly to give her the opportunity to pull away.
When she didn't, Belle used her other hand to brush Ruby's damp hair back. "You did everything you could to keep me safe. That isn't something a monster would do, is it?"
Ruby wasn't pulling away, but she maintained that curled up position and kept her eyes on her knees. "Wasn't enough."
"Even if the chains gave way, you were still able to restrain yourself." Belle felt her very chest ache and constrict at the sight of Ruby's watery eyes, tears just short of falling. "I told you earlier. You recognized me enough to pull away and warn me to stay out of the cell."
Ruby looked up and met Belle's eyes for the briefest of moments before looking down again. A shift in the tension along Ruby's jaw gave away how her teeth were clenched, then she swallowed.
Ruby didn't say anything.
Belle wished for all the word that all the books she'd ever read would have prepared her for something like this and given her the wisdom needed to say the right things for this kind of situation.
"I was thinking about Rumple," Belle tried to change the subject, "I'm going to speak with him today and see what can be done to keep last night from happening again."
Still, Ruby remained silent, avoiding eye contact with Belle.
"And I'll make sure you don't have to pay him anything for it." Belle made the promise as much to herself as to Ruby.
If Rumple was serious about changing his ways and being a better man, then he should be able to do this, shouldn't he? At the very least, he should be willing to do it for Belle if not for Ruby.
"Couldn't give him what he wanted." Ruby curled further into herself, pressing her forehead against her knees and closing her eyes. "Just... couldn't."
Belle pulled away from Ruby and leaned against the rim of the tub, uncertain about what to say now.
"You shouldn't have to give him anything." Belle said, "He should be willing to help you. Simply because it's the right thing to do."
A shrug that sent ripples across the water was Ruby's only response.
"I'll talk to him, Ruby." Belle clutched the sides of the tub. "I'll find a way to convince him. I promise."
More ripples cut through the water when Ruby wiped at her eyes again.
This wasn't working.
"Can… Is there…" Belle bit her lip, hating how helpless she continued to feel throughout this. She wished more than anything that all the pain- emotional and physical- could be washed away from Ruby as easily as blood and dust. "Can I get you anything?"
After a long pause in which Belle thought there would be no response, Ruby finally lifted her head and answered, "Maybe some drinkable water, please?"
In a croaky attempt at a joking tone, Ruby added, "Or I might start drinking straight out of this tub. Or maybe even the toilet."
It might have meant to come off as a light joke, but self-disgust was still evident in Ruby's eyes, and her talk of calling herself a monster still rang in Belle's ears.
Belle fumbled with a response. At a loss, all she managed was an awkward smile before leaving to get the water.
Some friend she was turning out to be. Failing to help Ruby feel better. Letting her suffer her thirst this long. Just watching her suffer. Fumbling with conversation.
When Belle returned to the bathroom, Ruby was lying back again. Her hair was soaked; plastered to her scalp and shoulders like she'd recently submerged her head before coming up and leaning it against the tub.
"Got your water." Belle heard her own voice coming out clipped and awkward as she resumed her crouching position by the tub then handed the glass to Ruby.
"Thanks." Ruby's smile was tired and drained, her eyes still red and bloodshot, framed by dark circles. When she reached for the water, Belle felt her stomach squirm at the raw skin around Ruby's wrists.
It was hard not to stare at the red, angry skin when Ruby drank deeply, emptying the glass in long, loud gulps. Her throat bobbed with each swallow, drawing attention to the deeply chafed skin, rough and red from where the metal of the collar had dug into her neck. There were even rings of purples at the base of her neck, and a few close to her jaw, a result of the tugging and pulling.
When Ruby had emptied the glass, Belle filled it up again then averted her gaze to avoid staring at the roughened, irritated, discolored skin.
By the time Ruby had her fill, Belle felt like her own throat and wrists had grown sore from looking at Ruby's.
"I feel so…" Ruby was speaking again, voice still low and rough despite the water that cooled her throat. "…tired." She touched her hair then let her trembling hands fall back under the water.
She seemed to flinch at the memory. "It was never like that in the Enchanted Forest."
Talking about how Belle would make sure Rumple would fix this seemed to upset Ruby, so it was hard to think of what to say next.
Whatever deal he'd offered sounded like it was too heavy a price, if Ruby's tension at every mention of him was any indication.
"Do you… would you like me to help you wash your hair?" It was a transition-less change in topic, but Belle was too at a loss to figure out the intricacies of conversation anymore.
Ruby hesitated, one arm draped across her chest to cover her breasts while the other floated loosely in the water.
"Or… or I could…" Leaving the room might give Ruby the privacy she might need to finish cleaning up, but an irrationally panicked part of Belle's mind feared that being apart from Ruby too long would result in disaster. What if she lost consciousness? What if her body gave out and she drowned?
Even the brief leave to get water had made Belle nervous.
"Okay." Ruby finally answered.
Water in the tub sloshed with the movement of Ruby sitting up. Trickles of it dripped from the tips of her hair, while rivulets trailed their way down Ruby's shoulders and back.
Again, Belle did her best to avoid staring and gaping at the bruises and breaks along Ruby's skin.
"Granny and David left me with bandages and creams to put on your wounds," Belle started with rubbing the shampoo into Ruby's scalp, lightly massaging her. It seemed to soothe Ruby. She closed her eyes and let out a soft sigh. "I can attend to them after we're done here."
With Ruby's scalp done, Belle worked her way down the strands, carefully untangling them where the struggling and transformation had left clumps and knots.
"Thanks." Ruby kept her closed her eyes while Belle rinsed the shampoo out.
Belle finished up with the conditioner as well. "And if there's anything else you need, just let me know, okay?"
"You really think you can convince Gold to help me?" Ruby opened her eyes and looked directly at Belle. The tired, bloodshot look was still there and it was hard not to squirm at the sight of it.
"I…" Belle dabbed at Ruby's shoulders, washing off dirt and dried blood from her neck. "Yes. I believe I can convince him."
Ruby bit her lip and looked doubtful. "There really isn't any other way, is there? Not with my cloak still missing."
Slow and careful, again to give Ruby the chance to pull away if she didn't feel comfortable, Belle washed Ruby's arm and dabbed at the sore wrist.
What was she supposed to say?
"Granny and David said they were going to spend the day looking and asking around." A gasp escaped Ruby, and her fingers clenched when Belle wiped at a particularly sensitive spot. "Sorry!"
Exhaling in a shaky breath, Ruby nodded. "'Sfine."
They both grew quiet as Belle continued to clean Ruby, whose movements seemed to get slower and more sluggish as exhaustion deepened its hold on her.
In the silence, Belle again could hear the echoes of Ruby's screams, of the breaking bones and straining skin, of the clanging chains and creaking bars, of the tearing clothes and pained howls.
"You really do deserve better, you know." Ruby's low croak of a voice broke through the quiet.
Belle wiped at the last of dried blood and averted her gaze. She still remembered how Ruby managed to bring that up in the middle of last night's torture. How Belle deserved better than Rumple and… better than Ruby…?
Like Belle actually had any other good friends in this town.
"Well… I'm not particularly interested in rekindling anything with Rumple as long as he continues to behave in such an awful, spiteful manner."
Water splashed and sloshed as Belle helped Ruby stand up and bring her trembling legs over the walls of the tub. She was unsteady and leaning heavily, her arm draped over Belle's shoulders, fingers clutching and pulling at her already ruined blouse.
"And I don't know what you meant about better than you," Belle guided Ruby to the counter, where she could lean while she was helped into a fresh set of loose-fitting, comfortable clothes that wouldn't irritate her skin any further. "Because you're the first and only person in this town who was there for me when I was completely alone and you went so far as to offer me a place to stay. You even come up with a livelihood I might like."
"I… well…" Ruby winced when getting herself into the shirt pulled and strained at her bruised back and shoulders. Belle straightened out the shirt and waited for Ruby to continue and elaborate, but she had grown quiet again. There was more on her mind, unsaid things hovering just below the surface.
But Ruby kept her mouth closed and her eyes averted.
Knowing better than to push Ruby when she didn't seem willing to talk about it, Belle focused on supporting Ruby on the staggering, limping walk to the bedroom. She leaned most of her weight against Belle, too unsteady to make the walk on her own. Several times, Ruby's knees buckled, threatening to topple them both over if Belle hadn't put all her strength into keeping them both upright.
By the time they finally reached the bed, Belle felt muscle pains from using so much more strength in the past several hours than she'd normally used on regular days.
It was also starting to sink in that she'd only had a few hours of light, accidental sleep the previous night. A small, selfish part of Belle hoped there would be time to take a quick nap after settling arrangements with Rumple.
Clinging to Belle, Ruby winced and whimpered as she was lowered onto the bed, stiff body protesting at the movement, bruises throbbing upon contact with the mattress.
But once she was settled, Ruby visibly relaxed, leaning her head back against the pillow. Belle still winced at seeing how it exposed Ruby's throat and showed off the discolored skin.
"I'll… attend to those wounds now," Belle said, "If that's okay."
A sleepy nod was Ruby's response. Her eyes were already half-closed as she lifted her eyebrows and watched Belle prepare the first aid kit from Granny.
She started with Ruby's ankles, rubbing the ointment in and trying not to flinch and wince at every hiss and gasp.
It was as Belle finished bandaging the ankles that a text from David came in, explaining that King George was getting people worked up again. He'd brought people in to the Sheriff's Station and shown them the damaged cells and chains, getting the crowd riled up on exaggerated notions of the wolf's destructiveness. Another message from Granny came in, saying several people had tried rioting outside the diner. They only left when she threatened them with her crossbow.
Both warned Belle not to let the news worry Ruby too much because she needed the rest.
The effort it took to maintain her composure made Belle's hands tremble. Anger was a burning fire in the pit of her stomach and a foul taste at the back of her throat.
How rash and narrow-minded must a person have to be to come to such stupid conclusions? How could they so easily think that the friendly waitress they accepted food from was a monster out to get them? How dare they seek to harm someone who meant no harm?
"Belle?" Ruby's bleary eyes were narrowed, already noticing that something was wrong despite her grogginess.
"Just… just David and Granny." Belle swallowed her anger, putting it away in a well-made box deep in the back of her mind, locking it down where it was sure to be safe. There was no place for it right now. "They're still trying to find the cloak and haven't had much luck. David's also going to speak to King George again today."
She kept it as generic as possible, avoiding the details that would only upset Ruby.
This skipping around heavy subjects stirred up a touch of guilt. Belle knew it was the very thing that frustrated her so much when it came to her father and to Rumple, but what else could she do?
The last thing she wanted to do right now was put Ruby through any more upset.
"Oh…" Brow furrowing, Ruby seemed to be trying to read more into Belle's words, and for a moment she feared that something was slipping through. Was there leftover anger still lingering on Belle's face? Or was it obvious that her hands were still trembling?
Instead Ruby chose not to ask any questions. "Okay."
She offered her hand, letting Belle hold it and attend to the wrist. The tremor of her hands felt alarmingly obvious no matter how hard she tried to still it.
Belle focused on finishing the task, on trying not to wince, on ignoring the sudden feeling of frailness touching her own wrists from looking at Ruby's.
By the time they got to the neck, Ruby winced and groaned with the effort of sitting up enough to give Belle the room she needed to properly apply the appointment and wrap the bandage.
When they were finally finished, Ruby lay limp, her eyes unfocused and heavily lidded. She made no movements when Belle pulled up the blanket and tucked her in.
Ruby's eyes were starting to close.
Belle felt the anger bubbling up again.
This woman in front of her was weary and too weak to take care of herself, how could anyone think of her as a danger? Even if she did recover tonight, Belle couldn't see how Ruby could possibly go through the transformation again and still have the energy to attack anything.
Last night, the wolf spent most of the hours lying in a corner, howling and crying.
How was that a monster?
Ruby's eyes were closed.
Belle stood up and was about to leave when a hand on her wrist stopped her in her tracks. She turned and crouched by the side of the bed.
"Please…" Ruby's eyes opened, red and watery and tired. "…stay?"
Belle clasped Ruby's hand and tried a light, playful tone. "Didn't I tell you that you wouldn't be getting rid of me so easily?"
The smallest of smiles pulled at the corners of Ruby's lips. "Lie… with me…?"
Without hesitating or thinking about it, Belle complied, going around the bed to lie behind Ruby, draping an arm over her waist. After that it was almost automatic for Belle to follow with resting her head near Ruby's shoulder, careful still to avoid bumping into tender bruises.
It was initially odd to be in a position like this when she normally felt Rumple behind her as the big spoon, as they called it.
But the feel of having Ruby in her arms gave Belle the sensation of being the source of protection and security. The way Ruby interlaced their fingers stirred up a number of other emotions that Belle couldn't quite place yet, and she wasn't sure what it meant.
She kind of liked it though, knowing that whatever strength Belle had was something Ruby appreciated and drew security from.
Was she shaking?
A surge of panic filled Belle with jarring memories, bringing her back to the long hours of trying to hold Ruby still while her body was racked by the agonizing transformation.
Pained screams, clanging chains, breaking bones.
Straining skin, tearing fabric, distorting features.
Belle had to jerk herself back to the present and note that these weren't the same tremors as the transformation.
It was Ruby crying.
Adjusting her position, Belle moved higher up to be able to cradle Ruby's head against her stomach. "Ruby?"
"Sorry." Ruby let out a sound somewhere between laugh and sob. "I'm just… I-I…" She tightened her grip on Belle's hand, trying to find comfort in it. "Tonight. I'm…"
A shudder passed through Ruby and she squirmed closer to Belle. "I'm scared."
Belle stroked Ruby's still damp hair, maintaining a light, feathery touch that would hopefully soothe her. "I know." And as soon as possible, Belle was going to talk to Rumple and make sure tonight would go more smoothly. "It'll be okay."
The tremors going through Ruby seemed to only grow stronger, and she buried her face into the pillow, clutching Belle's hand so tightly that both their knuckles grew pale. It sent prickles of pain cutting through the scratches on the back of Belle's hand, but she bore it quietly. It was nothing compared to everything Ruby had just gone through.
This feeling of desperately frustrated helplessness should be something Belle was used to by now, given how often she'd felt it in the past few hours.
But it still bothered her to no end. She felt it just as strongly now as last night. She was fretting and worrying and lost, at a complete loss for what to say, reduced to cradling Ruby and cooing noises into her ear in hopeless attempts at reassurance.
When Belle said she was willing to stay with Ruby last night, she hadn't expected to witness the horrors that she did, or to feel this helplessness like nothing she'd ever felt before.
If only there was more that could be done to soothe Ruby and help her feel better.
If only Belle was a better friend.
If only the people of this town weren't so dense to think of Ruby as anything other than the pleasant, sensitive person that she was.
If only Ruby wasn't so convinced that she was a monster.
How could Belle help Ruby feel better?
How could this be fixed?
Talking to Rumple was the only concrete thing Belle could think of.
The shaking subsided. Ruby's sobbing quieted. Her breathing slowed.
"Belle?"
"Ruby?"
"If you…" Ruby loosened her grip on Belle's hand but didn't let go. "If Gold doesn't agree, it's okay. It'll be just for another two nights anyway. I'll..." There was a shaky breath here. Ruby physically bracing herself. "I'll manage.
It was obviously an attempt on Ruby's part to be strong and do what she thought was right, easing pressure off of Belle and trying to take away the necessity of a conversation with Rumple.
Going by feel and hoping it was the appropriate response, Belle kissed Ruby's forehead, "I'll still do whatever I can to keep last night from happening again. I'll find a way to convince him."
Ruby's thumb stroked circles across the back of Belle's hand, careful to avoid pressing on the scratches. "If… If I he asks you for something… something you don't want to give... Please… Don't."
Not for the first time, Belle got the sense of there being something more behind Ruby's words. Some unsaid messages, deep below the surface, pushed too far away from the light for Belle to be able to see.
While most of the town questioned Belle's sanity whenever they saw her with Rumple, Ruby was always ready to offer support and a listening ear. There was judgment sometimes, but more out of Ruby's protective nature than from a question of Belle's choices.
"Okay." Giving that answer brought with it a number of conflicting emotions. Belle was torn.
On one hand, she wanted to stay strong and maintain her independence if Rumple asked for a rekindled romance as the price for Ruby's aid. On the other, Belle hated how much Ruby was suffering and if there was anything at all that could be done to alleviate it, Belle wanted to do it.
But Belle just gave her word and turning back now would be wrong.
"Thanks." The word came out as a relieved sigh, and Belle felt Ruby's body relax.
"Get some rest." The crying had stopped. Ruby looked to be mere moments away from just passing out.
She was quiet again.
Belle's scrambled mind tried to fill it with memories of sounds again. The echoes of last night's screams were regaining power, threatening to overwhelm Belle's head with jarring images and cringe-inducing sounds.
Focus.
Focus on something.
Breathing. Ruby's breathing hitched for a moment as she adjusted her position against Belle's stomach. It evened out once Ruby was still again.
"Belle?"
"Ruby?"
"Thank you…" The words were mumbled and almost merging into each other, "…last night. This morning. Everything."
"Shh," Belle continued to stroke Ruby's hair, fingers passing over her forehead with the movement. Her eyelids flickered then settled. "I care about you. Of course I'm going to be here for you."
A soft, mumbled sound of contentment rumbled in Ruby's throat as her hair continued to be stroked by Belle. It was drying against her ruined blouse, soaking it until Belle's stomach felt cold, but she didn't mind.
"Go to sleep," Belle whispered, thumb stroking the back of Ruby's hand.
These few hours of daylight should be spent peacefully. It couldn't fully make up for the torture of the previous night, but it would have to do for now.
Once Ruby was asleep, Belle was definitely going straight to Rumple.
He had to help.
Belle's heart was just about ready to break if she was going to have to watch Ruby go through that agony again.
Ruby deserved better.
Ruby was not a monster.
She was falling asleep, curled up in Belle's arms, still and quiet and peaceful at last. She was terrified of that pain. She was terrified of herself. She was so far away from being the monster that they thought she was.
A low whimper came out of Ruby when Belle shifted position.
"Sshh," Belle settled back against the headboard. "I'm still here."
Ruby relaxed.
"I'm still here." Belle wasn't going to abandon the only person who ever gave her choices and opportunities. The person who cared about her and protected her without being suffocating or possessive about it.
Ruby was not a monster.
She was the best (and arguably the only real) friend Belle ever had, in this world and the last.
Belle was not going to abandon Ruby.