sorry, this is shit. this idea sounded so much better in my head but I'm being yelled at to post so here.
I was gonna show you
That I didn't need you
Now I need to show you I was wrong
Here I am knees to the floor
I don't wanna live like this no more
.
As the key turned in the lock, Olivia glanced at the clock noticing it was closer to one than it was to midnight. He was home late, very late, again.
Since being hired at IAB Brian had changed, a lot. He was hardly ever home anymore, he was distant, never spoke about work, not that he could reveal much to her anyway due to conflict and whatever other rules IAB had but he just wasn't the same and she had finally admitted to herself that it scared her.
She wasn't the type of woman who got attached to men easily, she had never had a serious relationship not unless you count the almost engagement at seventeen and again at twenty two when she had confessed to her college boyfriend that she thought she might be pregnant and he automatically proposed on the spot because you 'can't raise a child out of wedlock' according to him. Neither of them was as serious as what she and Brian had.
He loved her, of that she had no doubt, he wouldn't have stayed by her side this long if he didn't. Brian was not the kind of person to stick around because he felt sorry for someone, unless she had read him completely wrong and that's what he was doing with her. Maybe he was sick of her now? Sick of their relationship? God knows it had taken a jump from the height of the empire state building after her attack. She pulled her fucking gun on him not that long ago.
She sighed as she heard him close the door and his footsteps pad quietly along the short hallway from the front door to their living area.
"Babe? Shouldn't you be sleeping?" He asked quietly as he dumped his jacket on the back of the chair and headed for the kitchen.
She sighed "Probably" She quickly glanced at his back as he grabbed a glass from the cabinet next to the fridge and filled it with water. There was a time when he would walk into their home and the first thing he did was kiss her hello and she loved it, it was one of her favourite parts of the day, being greeted that way when either of them got home.
"What's wrong?"
She never responded, she just took a large gulp of the red wine that swirled in her glass, her mind racing a million miles a minute as he took a seat in the chair next to the couch.
"Nick not here anymore?" He asked. She could hear the slight tension in his voice.
"Nope" she gulped another mouthful of the fruity wine
"What's going on Liv?"
She looked over at him, he sat leaned forward, the glass of water in his hands as he rested his elbows on his knees, his eyes conveying concern for her as she sat cross-legged on their couch in one of his sweatshirts and a pair of pyjama pants.
"Nothing really, haven't seen you in a while that's all" She shrugged.
"Liv…"
"Don't worry about it" She interrupted "I know you're busy"
Brian sighed and shook his head, he knew there was no talking her round when she was in this mood, her bitter, determined, 'I'm-right-don't-even-bother-to-try-and-change-my-mind' attitude. She had made snide comments about his work before, how they couldn't talk because he was IAB and not just a department detective like the rest of them. There was nothing he could do about it, she knew that but it didn't make her any less annoyed.
"I'm going to bed" He said quietly, lifting himself tiredly from the chair and making his way into their bedroom in the back.
Olivia sat in the same position, not even watching as he left, she kept her focus solely on the black TV screen in front of her. She took a few deep breaths trying to calm the anxiety that was building in her veins. She listened as he shuffled around in the bathroom and eventually climbed into their bed.
She stood on shaky legs and dumped her wine glass in the sink before retiring to the bedroom. She stood at the door, leaning against the frame, watching him as he got himself comfortable.
"Do you love me?" She asked quietly, unsure if he even heard her
"What?" He sat up and turned on the bedside lamp, a soft glow taking over the room.
Olivia controlled her breathing and shook her head trying to focus on the task in hand. She shuffled on her feet and cursed herself for being so pathetic in this moment, what does it matter if he still loves you? If he doesn't and you break up tonight yeah you'll be heartbroken but you'll get over it, you'll probably be better on your own, that's what your mother always said.
Brian pulled back the covers and climbed out of the bed and sat at the end; he patted the space beside him and encouraged her to sit.
She slowly walked over and sat beside him, she smiled when he took her hands that were currently covered by the long sleeves of his sweatshirt, in his and traced her knuckles with his thumbs.
"I do love you" He whispered and pressed a kiss to the side of her head "More than anything"
"What's happening to us?" She asked quietly
"Life" He shrugged
"I don't like it" She chuckled sarcastically before pulling back from him
They sat in silence for a while, perched on the end of their bed, neither of them sure what to say to make the situation better. Their relationship had been strained for a while for obvious reasons but they pulled through, they were still going strong but recently, everything seemed to be crumbling and neither of them wanted to admit it.
"Cragen left today" Olivia told him, her voice shaky as she told him how her father figure of over fifteen years had left, completely.
"I thought he still had months left?"
"Eileen got two cruise tickets, six months around the world. He's got enough time saved so he's taking it. He's finally living his life" She smiled
"Good for him, he deserves his happiness"
"Yeah, he does"
Brian turned to face her "Is that what this is about?" He asked "First Munch, now Cragen…"
"No…" She stopped him "Maybe, I dunno"
"Liv, talk to me…" He took a hold of her hand again
"Why? You haven't wanted to talk for a while" She snapped
"Well you haven't exactly been an open book either" He retaliated; he rolled his eyes when she gave him her signature glare "Oh come on Liv, tell me you haven't been confiding in Nick more than me? Hell you seem to be spending enough time with him lately"
"How the hell would you know? You're never around!" She remarked coldly, jumping up from their bed and pacing to the other side of the room.
"What and you are?" Brian stood "Tell me you're not avoiding me" He pushed "Tell me you'd rather be here with me then at the squad because you say I'm never here Liv but guess what? Neither are you."
Olivia shook her head and laughed; she ran her hands through her hair and stared at the ground.
"Look, I know me being at IAB is shit. Tucker is giving me every assignment under the sun and I hate it but what else am I supposed to do? Tell him to fuck off and get sent back to courthouse duty? You and I both know Liv, that that's exactly what he's waiting for me to do"
"I don't know what to do anymore" Olivia shrugged "I miss you. I actually miss you Bri, I hate feeling like this. I've never been like this before and I know you say you haven't either. It just feels like its ending and I don't want that. I don't want us to be over because my god I love you."
"Hey, wow. Who the hell said anything about us being over?" He stepped closer and pulled her to him
"It just hit me yesterday. You were there for me through everything with Lewis, the trial, god Bri; I pulled my freakin' gun on you the other week!" She flipped "Since IAB you've changed, I miss us. I miss coming home and meeting you at the door, I miss making dinner for the two of us because you text and say you'll be home soon or the other way around. I miss when you kiss me as soon as you walk in the door…Tiny little things that I've never had before, I've gotten used to them and I miss them Bri. I miss us."
"I'm sorry" He whispered as he pressed his lips to her forehead, his fingers lacing into her hair
"I'm not asking for an apology, it's not all you. I haven't exactly been the best girlfriend this past year…" She replied
"I don't know what else to do, Liv and don't you dare blame any of this on yourself"
"How can I not? If I hadn't been attacked…"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence; what happened was not your fault. And it's over. He's in jail, he's gone."
"I've spent so long worrying and trying to survive that I've forgotten who I was before" She said quietly, tears shining in her dark eyes.
"You'll get there babe." Brian wrapped his arms around her "I promise, you'll get there and I'll help. I'm sorry about everything lately."
"What are we doing Bri?" She asked hesitantly "Can we make it?"
"Yes" He replied defiantly "Yes, we will."
"Cragen said that being with Eileen was his hail mary, you know? His second chance at happiness, he told me to take care of myself. He said that he's dedicated his whole life to the NYPD that he forgot to live his own and he's finally getting his shot at happiness…"
"Liv…"
"I've realised tonight, that this, us…Bri, you are my hail mary. You are my second chance, I don't want this job to be all I have…I want us, I wanna have a life with you and I'm so scared that we're losing it…" She felt the tears fall from her eyes; she quickly wiped them away as he pulled back from her and held her face in his hands.
"We're not losing anything. You sure as hell aren't losing me. I guess we just have to find a balance right? It might take some time but we'll get there, I promise"
Olivia nodded through her tears and wrapped her arms around his middle. "I love you" She whispered against his chest.
"I love you more"
"Show me" She muttered as she raked her fingers up his chest, she stood on her tiptoes, her mouth centimetres away from his, she could feel their breath mingling and it turned her on to no end. It had been a while since they had made love, and even longer since they had done it without her being hesitant.
"Liv…"
She slipped her hands around his neck, silently thank god that he had decided to forgo wearing a shirt to bed tonight; she pressed her body against his as their foreheads touched, their lips still not touching.
"Bri…" She smiled
"You sure?" He asked, his fingers tangling in her hair "You don't have to do this"
"But I really really want to. I miss you…all of you"
She moaned lightly, she had a thing about when he played with her hair, especially during sex. She just nodded and smirked, pulling him by the neck, their lips lightly pressed against one and other as his fingers tightened in her hair. She moaned into his mouth as one of his arms dropped and wrapped around her waist, pulling her fully against his body.
Brian slipped his hand to her thigh, pulling it up against his and she jumped slightly, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, their lips never separating. He walked backwards towards the bed and clumsily sat on the edge. He groaned into her mouth as she landed right on his hardening length, he felt her smirk into the kiss and she began moving her hips teasingly on top of him.
He reached for the edges of the sweater that drowned her frame, eternally grateful that she didn't flinch or pull away like she had done previous times before, this time, she was ready. He lifted the material over her head and their lips joined once more and he threw the sweater to the floor behind her. His hands went back into her hair, his fingers gently massaging her scalp and moving slowly down her neck, he traced the column of her throat with his thumb before teasing his way down to her chest.
Moments later they were both naked, a tangled mess of arms and legs as they teased and caressed every inch of each other's bodies, re-memorising every tiny detail. Olivia rolled onto her back and pulled her lover on top of her. His body lay perfectly between her spread thighs.
"Make love to me Detective Cassidy" She smirked, rolling her hips against his. She teased his mouth with her own, never fully allowing a kiss.
"Whatever you wish…Sergeant Benson" He winked and pressed his length into her. His lips landed on the column of her throat, he gently nipped and soothed her skin with his mouth as she bucked against him.
Brian reached for her hands and linked their fingers; he lifted their joined hands above her head and began slowly moving his hips back and forth teasing her, leaving her begging for more in the dark confines of their shared bedroom.
"Babe, oh god, please…" Olivia tipped her head back and groaned as Brian moved in and out of her at an achingly slow pace
"Please what? What do you want baby?"
"Oh god" Her eyes rolled back in her head as he whispered in her ear, his voice laced with lust and power. She felt her body heat soar to new heights as he leaned down and wrapped his lips around her nipple.
He moved continuously until he felt her near the edge he grinned and quickly pulled out of her, smirking when she groaned and cussed at him. He slid down her body, slowing dragging their joined hands down her sides. His mouth kissed its way down the length of her, his lips latched onto her clit and she yelped, already so close yet so far from ecstasy.
"Come on baby…" He mumbled against her, savouring the taste of her. He watched her body writhe, her legs began to trembled, her back arched and her mouth opened ready to call for him, ready to scream out through the intense shock of pleasure that she was about to endure.
He pulled back once more, just as she hit the edge, he leaned back over her, their hands once more slammed above her head and he buried himself in her once more and thrust his hips hard until she came. He leaned down and pressed his mouth to hers, swallowing her moans of pleasure, she bit down hard on his bottom lip as their tongues mingled and he finally reached the height of his own orgasm, his seed shooting inside of her, coating her already soaked centre.
"Oh god I've missed you" Olivia mumbled against his mouth, their lips never separating as she pulled his body to rest on hers, basking in the warmth and safety of his embrace.
Brian reached up and ran his fingers through her hair again, brushing a few damp strands from her forehead.
"I love you" He whispered in the dark, his fingers softly padding their way down her neck and along her collarbone, his lips following close behind.
Olivia grinned in the dark as her hands reached for his head, her nails gently dragging over his scalp. This night had turned out so different to what her negative mind had imagined. They didn't fight for hours, they didn't scream and throw things and end up with one of them storming out or sleeping on the couch.
They confronted each other, they reconciled. They shared their fears, admitted their mistakes and made up the best way they know how.
They had a second chance.
.
thoughts?
lyrics: I have been lonely - blake shelton
twitter: ahoycinderella