Title: Mary Sue Who?
Rating: T
Genre: Parody
Summary: Her name is Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight and she comes to Hogwarts in the Trio's sixth year… with a dark, dark secret. Did I mention that she's smart? And funny? And beautiful? And troubled? And perfect in everyway? MARY SUE PARODY
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine. And I REFUSE to take responsibility for Andrea Starlight Crystal Whatever-The-Hell-Her-Name-Was!
A/N: Haven't written anything in awhile so I decided to poke fun at the numerous Mary Sue fics out there…and of course their dear writers. It's all in jest. This is my first parody so please tell me what you think.
Words in BOLD are Katie's story, those in (brackets) are her thoughts and commentary. All spelling and grammar errors in Katie's story are intentional! I'm just using examples of what irks me in some fics.
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Chapter 1: Sensational Sue
Katie Thomas was an average girl with light-brown hair and brown eyes. She went to an average school and got average grades. She wasn't a cheerleader, she wasn't a goth, and she wasn't quite a nerd either. She enjoyed reading Harry Potter, listening to music and spending time with her friends. Average pastimes for any average 13 year old girl.
But Katie didn't want to be average.
She wanted her life to be adventurous and glamorous, or filled with heartbreak and sorrow.
So, she did what any self-proclaimed writer would do…she constructed a fantasy life for herself and inserted it into a ready-made world with ready-made characters as it saved her the trouble of thinking up her own.
For years Katie had been reading Fanfiction online and she finally decided she would join the ranks of the great (and er…not so great) authors.
Powering up her computer Katie seated herself in her comfy black swivel-chair and let her fingers dance quickly over the keyboard (which would explain the many typos) and slowly let her fairytale unfold…
Chapter 1 (She typed. Good start…) It was a dark and stormy night, (Yeah, that's good; Katie thought, it creates tension…readers love tension!) the rain lashed at the windows of the Great Hall and the enchanted ceiling reflected the cloudy grey sky.
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were seated at the Gryfindor (Katie squinted at the word…was it spelt right? Urgh, who cares? she decided. She didn't want to interrupt the flow of ideas for something as petty as a canon spell check.) table whispering to one another. (Exactly what they were whispering about Katie's readers will never find out as she did not deem it significant to develop the plot. She just wanted to introduce her Mar-uh…her Original Character.)
The great double doors opened to reveal Professor McGonagal (Another squint.) and a long line of first years…but wait, they weren't all first-years…(Katie grinned to herself, her readers must be dying with anticipation!)
At the end of the line was the most beautiful girl anyone had ever seen. She must have been about sixteen years old. (Here Katie paused and took a deep breath. It was time to describe her Ma… her Original Character's appearance, as it is, of course, central to the plot.)
The girl had perfect sleek black (No. Katie hit the backspace key and retyped…) perfect sleek ebony hair that fell gracefully to the small of her back. Despite the overly large, flowing, unflattering robes it was obvious that she had a perfect figure. She was slender and willowy, yet somehow still curvaceous.
She held her head down and her perfect sleek ebony hair (Here Katie used the handy copy'n'paste function to save time and further thought. Isn't she clever?) hid her face from view.
"Whoa!" Ron whispered breathlessly. "Who's that?"
"I---I---" Harry seemed to have forgotten how to form an intelligent sentence; he was so taken by her beauty.
Over at the Sytherin (Oh well, Katie decided, spelling isn't that important.) table Draco Malfoy had half-risen from his seat to get a better look at the girl.
She's beautiful. He thought, despite the fact that he could not see her face and that she did not even know he existed.
"If I could have your attention for just a moment please," At the Head Table Dumbledore had gotten to his feet and every head turned quickly to him, despite the fact that every student found it physically painful to look away from the beautiful girl. "It may have come to her notice that we have a new student with us." Dumbledore's mustache twitched (See, thought Katie, I'm staying true to the characters!)
"Allow me to introduce (Katie thought hard…she wanted an illustrious, beautiful, glamorous, exquisite name…) Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight."
Everyone gasped at the illustrious, beautiful, glamorous, exquisite name.
"Despite being 16 (Katie was too lazy to type out the word) years of age, Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight has only just discovered that she is a witch. You will find, however, that she is quite on par with the other 6th years, in spite of the fact that she was had no magical training." She may even be more powerful than myself, Dumbledore thought silently (The readers must love this! Who really cares about bad grammar and poor wording!)
"I think we should sort Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight first." Dumbledore said, mustache twitching once again (…because he's Dumbledore!)
The sorting hat was placed on Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight's perfect sleek ebony hair and it seemed to take an age to sort her. (Katie chuckled to herself, I'll leave out what the hat says so the readers will think I'm leaving them to draw their own conclusions, but really I can't be bothered to write it all out.)
"GRYFFINDOR!" (Suddenly it had two Fs.)
The sudden applause was deafening. All the Grifindor students leapt to their feat and started cheering, while the members of the other Houses groaned. Some Hufflepuffs actually started crying. (Because that's what ALL Hufflepuffs do!)
As she slid off the stool and headed for the Gryffindore table Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight raised her head for the first time. Harry, Ron, various other boys (and a few girls) and Draco all gasped.
She had the most intense violet eyes (Katie spares but a moment to ponder just how Draco could have seen her eyes as her back was to him, but decides that it's immaterial.)
They seemed to shine from her sockets, but at the same time they held a haunting dark beauty.
Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight had a dark and troubling past… (Oooh, a cliffhanger! Katie smiled as she quickly inserted her author's notes;)
Title: Moonlight (See, she's used her character's name in the title…how smart!)
Genre: Romance/Angst (But it also could come under 'general', 'action/adventure' and even 'humor'! ) (Katie knows she's a versatile writer.)
Rating: T (I think…may go up for some naughty things later (Giggles) but just don't read the parts you are too young for!)
Disclaimer: (Insert witty disclaimer here) (She'd seen this one used in other fics and thought it was very funny…and it required little thought on her part.)
Summary: There's dis girl and her name is Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight and she comes 2 Hog Warts, even tho she is 16 and she's beautiful and many ppl fall in luv with her and she has a dark secret and no 1 must find out. Sorry, my summary sux.
Author's Notes: My first fic! PLEAAAAAAAASEEEEEE REVIEW!1111 But no flames! So R&R!11111
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Note: Katie is NOT ME! (That would be hypocritical!) I would NEVER write like that! And I am NOT making fun of people named Katie; please I think it is a lovely name.