There was no relief when I spoke those dreaded words. I didn't feel any better, and the air didn't get any easier to suck into my lungs.
"What do you mean? I-I do not believe I follow..."
"God babe, I dunno how to put it any clearer for ya." using my hands for emphasis, I took the tiniest step forward. "I want to break up with you."
In turn he took a small step backward, his face distorting as if he were trying not to comprehend my simple words. "No, n-no you do not mean that, you are simply riled up is all an-"
"I'm not riled up, in fact I'm pretty far from it." Not bothering to pursue him any further I stood where I was and let my shoulders sag. "I'm not upset, I'm tired. Real tired, like I don't feel like there's anything left in me anymore... I'm spent."
"No. No that is not true. You do not mean that."
"Horuss-"
"No, you do not mean what you are saying. C-come, I will- " He was doing it again, talking over me and saying what he wanted to hear so that I would simply agree with him and go on like things were as they always have been. Only this time it was different. He hadn't misheard me, I had been completely clear, and he was desperately trying to cling onto a tactic that wouldn't work this time.
If I didn't stop him now I would never be able to, and this whole cycle would start all over again, so I raised my hand and lowered my head. "Man, please just stop it... I can't sugar coat it anymore."
"But-"
"It's over Horuss. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. I've been trying to do this for months!"
"But you never meant it!" He pushed his goggles up from his face, his eyes pleading, perspiration already starting to bead on his brow. "I beg of you Rufioh, reconsider! I love you!"
"And I love you babe, but there's nothin' left..." Now my feet were taking me backwards, away from him, away from the bomb I had just set off. "This relationship's goin' nowhere fast, and I can't do this anymore."
"You are willing to dump everything we've done down the drain?! What about all that time?! Are you truly going to let that go to waste?!"
"We enjoyed it didn't we? That should be what matters!"
He rushed forward, his hand reaching out and grabbing the front of my shirt to yank me closely so hard I heard the seams pop, and for a moment I saw the person he had once been, Aggressive and strong, proud and relentless. The person I had originally fallen in love with. "You LOVE me." came a growl of a voice.
If he wanted to hit me I would let him. I wasn't as strong as him, and I deserved it. "I loved you, now I don't know who you are anymore."
Please, I begged internally, hit me, prove to me you're still him, don't let me slip through your fingers. But the fire in his eyes already had vanished and he let go of my shirt, and I knew in that moment the Horuss I had originally fallen in love with was gone.
We stood there a moment, just staring at each other as the world around us continued on it's way. I had chose a public setting, so nothing too bad could happen. Society had a way of toning down someone's reactions, especially when hundreds of strangers milling about a mall could see you blow up at any time. His reactions were definitely less volatile then they would have been had we met somewhere that no one could see us. It wasn't my fault things tended to get ugly during break ups, that was just how it always had to be. Break ups were messy, they were emotional, and they were something I would most definitely avoid if I had the chance- Though last time I tried I ended up in a bigger mess than I was in already.
"I'm sorry doll..."
"No." His jaw clenched. He was forcing the multitude of his fury down within him, it was obvious. "You are not."
I didn't know what else to do, so I shrugged, once again letting my feet take me backwards, my gaze on him, thinking I could just back out of this and leave. But as fate would have it, I wasn't going to get out of this situation that easily, and before I could even see him move an inch his tight fist had connected with my face and sent me falling backwards, landing right on my ass and then flopping onto my back with the air rushing out of my lungs.
Horuss left me lying there with the breath completely out of me, wheezing on the floor with people leading their children away and staring at me as if I was a corpse in the middle of the mall.
This was definitely not a bangarang way to start the school year.