Basta had never been that sucessful with his love life. From Lisa, the girl from his hometown who had told him his breath stank, to the maids in Capricorn's fortress, no woman had ever thought much of him. He figured it was probably because he'd been with Capricorn since he was ten and had never learned how to talk to girls.
So when Firefox and the Piper offered to get him laid in return for helping get the Piper back for Capricorn after one of their squabbles, he had to fight not to show his eagerness.
"Dunno, I've, I've got a lot to do--" he leaned against the wall nonchalantly, flicking his knife open and shut nervously.
"Oh, come off it, Basta." Firefox and the Piper were on either side of him like two devils. Firefox was rolling his eyes as he continued, "You're not exactly the ladies' man around here."
"That would be me." A sugary, mischievous voice to his left was the Piper. "But I'm willing to share some of my glory with you."
"If you're sure..." he allowed himself a small smile.
"We're sure." they said together. They were like twins sometimes...Weird.
***
"That's Lucrezia." said the Piper, pointing out a girl across the courtyard.
"She's beautiful!" exclaimed Basta.
"Eh." the Piper shrugged. "Just go up to her and start a conversation with her. I'll be listening." he stole around the perimeter of the courtyard to hide behind a horse while Basta walked over to Lucrezia.
"Er, hello." he said nervously.
"Basta. What do you want?" she looked up from her nails with a haughty expression, eyeing him like an insect.
"I...um..." he stuttered.
"Compliment her!" hissed the Piper from his hiding place.
"You look beautiful." he said quickly.
"Thank you." she was caught off guard.
"Um...I...uh..." he couldn't think of anything else to say. They stood looking at each other for a while until the Piper finally gave up and dragged him away.
"What's with you?" he hissed. "You're always hitting on the maids! Why can't you think of anything to say?"
"I do that for show! I'm not actually trying to get any of them in bed!" Basta explained. This is more...serious."
The Piper wrung his hands and muttered something to himself. "All right...I have a better idea. I'll set you up with this strolling player chick I know. Her standards aren't that high."
***
"It's great to see you again, Piper." the player chick paused to cough into her hand. "Damn. I've been coughing this shit up all day." she held the white, gelatinous substance out to him. "Do you know what it is?"
"No." the Piper was glad to see Basta round the corner. "Basta, this is my friend. I'm sure you'll have a lot to...talk about." he grinned and disappeared into the shadows.
"Hi. I'm Basta." Basta flipped his hair back and leaned on the wall just above her head.
"Got any fairyweed?" she asked.
"No. I don't smoke."
"Oh." she paused to cough up some more fluid. "Why am I here? There's no drugs."
"Um..." Basta had a stroke of brilliance. Leaning in, he whispered, "Does love count as a drug? I have lots of that."
"Does it make you see crazy shit?" she asked.
"Um...it...only crazy shit you'll be seeing is me, baby." he managed to say.
"It doesn't sound that cool." she rubbed her forehead. "I have such a hangover right now. Oh my god..."
Basta moved closer, letting their lips come within inches of each other. "I could make you feel better." he purred.
"Do you have some pain-killing plants or something?"
He looked confused. "No, no, I mean, you know, sex!'
She shook her head. "That won't help. I'm so high, man..."
"How can you be high and hung over at the same time?!"
"Do you have any fairyweed?"
"No...and I don't think this will work, sorry." he backed away and walked over to the Piper's hiding place to tell him the bad news.
***
Capricorn had made them all take the night off from looting and pillaging to visit the Adderhead. Basta fidgeted in his best clothes, though the poorest noble there wouldn't have called them his worst. Apparently some minstrel or other the Adderhead was taken with was going to sing.
"She's no good. Her voice is terrible. She barely has a two-octave range." the Piper was fuming behind him next to Firefox.
"I'm sure. It's positively tragic you don't get to snuggle up to the Adderhead for once." Firefox sounded bored.
"I'm a much better singer than her."
"Definitely."
"My clothes are finer."
"Undoubtedly."
"I'm prettier."
"Of course. Wait, what?"
"Everyone!" the Adderhead called the banquet to order. "I have a very special treat for you tonight. Her name is Roxane, and I think you'll all agree she has the most beautiful voice you've ever heard."
"Oh, typical. When there's some hot girl who can carry a tune, they all--"
"Shut up!"
The Adderhead, either not noticing the Piper's indignation or not caring, had waved the woman on. Basta immediately sat up. She had long, raven-black hair falling down her back like an ebony waterfall. Her slim, curving body was covered by a colorful floor length skirt and a short, tight top that left her midsection bare. She was biting her full, pink lower lip in anxiety, and as she scanned the crowd he saw fear in her eyes. It made him want to protect her from what she feared.
When she started to sing, his heart skipped a beat. He wanted to turn around and tell the Piper he had absolutely nothing on her, but he was too spellbound by her voice. He'd never heard anything so beautiful. After she finished, he became aware of a hand moving in front of his face.
"Hello-o?" Firefox and the Piper were each leaning over one shoulder and grinning.
"You like Roxane." the Piper accused. Basta could see his temporary good feelings towards him were wearing out.
"Go for it, tiger." smirked Firefox.
"What--oh yeah. Yeah, definitely go for it." the Piper returned the smirk.
Basta nodded vaguely, eyes still on Roxane, who had seated herself at a table with the other women not of the noble class. All of Capricorn's maids, especially Mortola, had flocked to one side, not wanting to associate with the minstrel woman. This left plenty of room for him to sit down next to her.
"Hi." she turned and appraised him, taking in his black jacket and the knife at his belt.
"Hi." she turned back to picking at her food, shifting her hair so it blocked her face.
"I'm Basta." talking to her came easier than with other women...a sign? He clutched at his bag of good-luck charms and prayed she would answer.
"I know who you are." she replied without looking at him.
"Oh." he laughed. Maybe this was a better idea than he'd thought.
"Do you...uh, come here often?" he wanted to bite his tongue as soon as he said it.
"No." she laughed this time, to his surprise. "I've never been here before."
"Wish I could say the same." he muttered. She made a little noise of sympathy.
"I thought all Capricorn's men loved getting free food and entertainment from the Adderhead." she faced him with a questioning stare.
"Oh, no. I hate it here." he said quickly, both out of truth and seeking her approval.
"Why don't we leave?" she suggested.
"Wh--what do you mean?"
"Like, get the hell out of here."
"But--Capricorn would--"
"Do you want to come with me or not?" abruptly asked.
"Yes." More than anything.
"Then come on!" she picked up her plate and headed to the kitchen to give it to the servants. Basta followed.
Once they were through the kitchen they didn't meet anyone, since everyone was still feasting in the great hall. However, soon they were hopelessly lost in the labyrinth that was the Castle of Night. On the way, Basta found out Roxane was pretty good with a knife herself, and they hit it off from there. Finally, they stumbled into the Royal Garden, a conservatory where all the most exotic plants and animals in the Inkworld were gathered for the Adderhead and his kin's amusement.
Roxane forgot her irritation at being lost and got lost in awe at a fiery orchid growing just inside the door. Basta got lost in awe at her awe.
"It's so beautiful." she whispered. "All of it is."
"So are you." Basta said softly. She turned and met his eyes, chocolate brown and guileless.
"Thanks." she smiled at him. When he moved closer, she didn't move away. As he carefully, slightly clumsily, reached up to touch her face, she forgot about Dustfinger, who never let his guard down around her that way, and who was gone again as he was so often. Just for a second, she forgot about her fire-eater that no sooner came back to her than he had left her again.
All he really did was brush his lips against hers, with no real skill, but it made Basta forget everything but that bitter-orange smell and the softness pressing gently back into his lips and the warmth of her cheek under his hand as a blush stole over it. When they drew away from each other, a smile hovered on her lips. All he could do was beam, his stomach pleasantly aflame and his heart full of a feeling somewhat akin to what he felt for Capricorn, but much, much more wonderful. After a moment, Roxane seemed to remember something, and a guilty look replaced the smile.
"Let's just go back to the banquet." she muttered, pushing past him back the way they came. Basta floated behind her, unaware of the change in her, and while the other fire-raisers were drinking and carousing all the way back to the fortress, he slowed his horse till their cries of debauchery were mere echoes, and the only sound on the path were his contented sighs.
***
Roxane didn't choose to live with the other strolling players in a camp. When she opened her cottage door, there were no stoned bodies for her to step over or bile fro her to slip in blocking her way. However, that particular morning, there was Basta.
"Roxane." he said it as though just saying her name gave him butterflies. Crap. His eyes said it all, he was besotted. He held some wilting flowers in his hand, which he held out to her. "These are for you."
"Listen, Basta--" she rubbed her eyes and tried to think how to let him down gently. "Last night was a mistake. I'm--I'm with someone."
The flowers dropped out of his hand. At least they fell gently. "Who?" he asked hoarsely.
"It's not important."
"Where is he?"
"He's gone. He's not around a lot."
"If he could bear to leave you, he can't love you that much!" she hated herself for that look in his eyes. "I would never leave your side, and get you gold and jewels and and always--"
"Basta. Don't make this harder than it has to be." she turned and went back inside. She sat there in misery until he left.
***
Basta didn't leave his room the whole day. He concentrated on keeping his mind blank so he didn't have to think about Roxane. The minutes became hours until the Piper barged in.
"So you're in love with the tone-deaf whore, eh? Is this how you repay me for trying to get you laid?"
Basta made no reply.
"You've been in here all day! It's dark out!"
Basta still said nothing. Finally, he said, "Piper, you don't understand. True love, soulmates, love conquering all, you don't get it because women are objects to you. You don't know what it is to need a woman beyond what she can give you physically, and you'll never be able to devote yourself to one woman, because you have no capacity for deeper feelings than lust." This left the Piper speechless. Basta sat up, sadness turning into anger. "You want to get me laid? Get me laid with Roxane. Or not at all." he flopped back onto the bed and was silent again.
The Piper thought for a minute. "Wait here." he said unnecessarily as he dashed out of the room. He returned with a large black box made of a strange, hard material.
"Okay, just so you know, this is some major witchcraft. Don't ask me how I got this. Tell no one it was me who gave it to you. But--it plays music. I have here a recording of a song I think would work in this situation. Now, here's what you have to do--"
***
Roxane was awoken in the middle of the night to blaring music. "All my instincts, they return, the grand facade, soon will burn. Without a noise, without my pride, I reach out from the inside." she ran outside and saw Basta standing there, holding a large object over his head.
"In your eyes, the light, the heat, in your eyes, I am complete."
"Is that you singing?" she asked. Basta sat the box down and pressed a button, stopping the music.
"No, it's the Piper. I don't know why I played it. I love you, though."
"Look, I'm with Dustfinger. This isn't--ooh." she unwittingly said her lover's name.
Basta's eyes widened in shock. "That pathetic fire-eater? What does he have that I don't?"
"Well...he can do all kinds of cool shit with fire."
"I can do all kinds of cool shit with knives! That's just as good!"
Roxane shook her head. "It's not."
"Well, obviously I care about you more than he does! Otherwise, he would be with you here to tell me to get lost! Where is he now? And more importantly, who is he with?" he voiced every fear in Roxane's heart.
"Just go away, Basta." she went back into her tent.
Every morning for the next month, when Roxane opened her door, the first thing she saw was Basta, with some new gift, pointing out Dustfinger's absence. Every morning she immediately ordered him away, and every morning he obeyed sadly. Until the morning she awoke and found two men outside her tent: Basta, and, to her amazement, Dustfinger.
"What are you doing here?" she exclaimed.
"I love you." they both said.
"Get out of here, knife boy." Dustfinger scoffed.
"You first, Dirtyfingers!" the two men had always hated each other, but Roxane could see she had taken their rivalry to the next level.
"Roxane." Basta appealed to her. "You've seen this past month how loyal I am to you. If you choose me, I'll give you the same devotion I show Capricorn. He'll leave you in a week! You'll see!"
"I'm sorry, Basta. I love Dustfinger." Roxane took Dustfinger's hand and walked away from him, ignoring the triumphant smirk the fire-eater shot her admirer.
***
Firefox finally stumbled down to the kitchen that day at high noon. The Piper was comforting a sobbing Basta, a cup of coffee untouched in front of him. Seeing him, he pushed the coffee forward.
"I saw how drunk you were last night. Figured you'd need it."
"Thanks." Firefox took a sip and burned his tongue. "What happened?"
"The fire eater's wench finally put her foot down." the Piper patted Basta on the back and made soothing noises.
"Don't--call--her--a--wench!" Basta sobbed.
Flatnose started to enter but hesitated in the doorway. "Get in here, Flatnose, don't be a douche!" The Piper snapped. Flatnose obeyed.
"Still bummed, huh?" he asked. The men nodded. "What are you gonna do to the fire eater?"
"What?" Basta looked up weakly.
"You're gonna mess him up, right?"
"Basta, that's not a good idea." Firefox interjected.
"Shut up, Firefox. What do you mean?" Basta leaned forward attentively.
"Go find him, and cut his face up!" Flatnose made a slashing gesture.
"Or you could stay here and forget the whole thing." the Piper suggested.
"No...no...I like his idea." Basta nodded slowly, deep in thought. "I really like his idea. Flatnose, get Slasher and let's go find that fire eater!" he jumped up and ran to fetch his best knife for the occasion.
***
"I really like this idea." Basta whispered with glee as he caught sight of the fire-eater coming over a nearby hill. The three men had been waiting for almost an hour, and finally it had paid off. When Dustfinger finally passed by their hiding place, Flatnose and Slasher jumped out and pinned him to the ground face up.
"Who are you?! What do you want?" the fire-eater's voice was hoarse with fear. Basta smiled to himself and stepped out, knife in hand.
Oh, we just want to give you something to help you please the girls even better in the future!" he said with false amicability. Then he bent down and made three vicious slash marks across his face. As his rival's howls of pain receded into the distance, Basta felt like he could almost live without Roxane. But not quite. So he sent the other two men back to the fortress and headed to the minstrel woman's cottage.
"You did WHAT?!" exclaimed Roxane.
"Slashed his face right up! Now do you see how much I love you?" Basta asked proudly.
"Get away from my house, Basta. Never come back here again!" said Roxane through clenched teeth.
"But...I cut his face for you." he protested.
"LEAVE!'" she screamed with such violence he jumped. Slowly, he recovered from his shock and trudged away for the final time.
***
Basta didn't even bother entering the fortress. Long into the night, he cried his eyes out just outside the gates, mumbling, "Roxane," over and over again. Finally, when all his tears were gone and he sat staring dully into the lightening hills, a comforting hand touched his shoulder.
"Basta." he looked up and met Capricorn's eyes. "I've barely seen you in a month. What's been keeping you?"
"A woman." he choked out, eyes filling with tears again.
"Ah. Didn't end well?" Basta shook his head. "Well, it'll be good to have you back." Basta just stared into space, tears streaming down his cheeks. Capricorn gently turned his face to his. "I've been missing you." he said softly. Basta gazed miserably into his pale eyes, longing for the time he believed his master could solve any of his problems.
He wasn't ready for what happened next. Capricorn leaned in and kissed him on the mouth with sudden, urgent force. Heat exploded all over his body as he tried to keep up with his master's lips. All the pain melted away as it was replaced by a haze of desire that spread from his lips down to his toes. When they broke apart his heart was hammering and he was panting like he had just run a mile. The two men stared at each other for a second, unable to articulate, until Capricorn fastened his lips to his again, only stopping to drag Basta away to his room. His pet happily complied, all thoughts of Roxane banished from his mind. A week later, when he heard Dustfinger had left the bitch again, he just laughed happily and cast Capricorn an adoring look.