Those Three Guys

A Dragonball oneshot

By

EvilFuzzy9

Rating: K+

Genre: Humor

Characters/Pairings: Pilaf, Mai, Shu; [hints of Mai x Trunks]

Summary: Bearing the dubious distinction of being the first "major" villains ever defeated by Son Goku, Pilaf and his loyal henchmen have gotten dismally little attention in fanfiction. This collection... theoretically... aims to remedy that.

"OH MY GOD! THERE'S A WHOLE RACE OF HIM?!"

Emperor Pilaf screamed like a little girl. Mai, who actually was a little girl, gave the inexplicably pointy-eared, blue-skinned bald midget a very dirty look.

"Not anymore," she said. "Trunks told me their home planet was destroyed nearly forty years ago."

"A WHOLE RACE!" Pilaf shrieked again, completely ignoring Mai's words. "OH, SATAN, WHY?!"

"Wait, do you mean Satan the martial artist, or Satan the demon?" wondered the ninja dog Shu/Shao/Soba/Fido.

"Huh? There's a martial artist named Satan?" said Mai.

"Wait, there's a demon named Satan?" said Pilaf at the exact same time.

Shu stared at them.

"Well, the former's also known as Hercule..." the dog said. "...or Mark."

"Mark?" said Mai. "What a weird name."

"I know, right?" said Shu. "No wonder he goes around calling himself Mr. Satan. I would too, if my parents gave me such a bizarre name."

Pilaf nodded sagely. "That kind of thing messes a kid up," he agreed. "Fortunately for me, my parents gave me a perfectly respectable name."

He then paused.

"...Wait. What were we talking about again?" the self-proclaimed emperor wondered, frowning quizzically.

"An invincible alien warrior race called the Saiyans," Mai supplied. "And how that kid Goku is one of them."

"Ah, yes." Pilaf smiled, nodding. He then threw his hands up in the air and began running around in circles. "Ahem."

He resumed screaming like a little girl.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGH—! WHY IS THERE A WHOLE RACE OF HIM?! ONE WAS BAD ENOUGH!"

A/N: I watched Battle of the Gods yesterday. Or, rather, a nigh unintelligible sub of it. Which was a mildly surreal experience.

I loved it. And all the more, perhaps, because I didn't get into Dragonball until I was an adult. Some people might nitpick the details and groan about this or that character not getting enough screentime, or SSJ godmode not looking nearly blonde and muscly enough.

I don't care about that. The fighting was nice, but that's not what I enjoyed about the movie. I would have loved it, I think, even if it had contained zero violence.

What I loved about the movie was the humor. Most especially the triumphant return of Pilaf and crew. Which inspired me to write this thing.

Updated: 8-21-14

TTFN and R&R!

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