In that AU, you know, where Hawkeye's father is an overprotective, slightly-tsundere father. Like Spirit Albarn and Ryouji Fujioka. But, you know, more tsundere.

Please pardon any ridiculousness. Royai's been one of my OTP's for a while, and writing them as children makes me go a little overboard.

i. welcome to the hawkeye household! prepare to die.

"This," says Berthold Hawkeye rather disapprovingly, "is my new apprentice, Roy Mustang."

"Nice to meet you," his daughter replies, giving the boy a slight bow.

Roy is slightly unsettled. He can't deal with girls - or, at least, girls like this one. He's used to the simpering, lace-choked girls from where he came from, with their painted eyelids and frilled necklines. Not this sharp-eyed girl who seems to see through his very soul and smells of stars and soap.

She is wearing a skirt, but it's plain and dark blue, billowing at her ankles. Her blouse is simple, tucked in at the waist, and her hair is nearly as short as his. But she looks friendly enough, or so he thinks, and her peach-pink mouth is lifted in a half-smile.

Roy looks down in surprise at his heart, which suddenly seems to have an urge to do a jig in his chest.

"This is my daughter, Riza," continues Berthold. He still looks a little grumpy.

"A-ah, nice to meet you, too," Roy says, and Riza nearly smiles, her gaze suddenly alight with amusement.

"Now, I'll have you know that we have some rules in our household that I absolutely will not have you break," Berthold says sourly, and Roy snaps to attention. "One of them broken, and you can go find yourself another master."

He nods, waiting for the man to go on.

"One: Manners. I will not have you leaving the toilet seat up, or leaving the dishes unwashed. Make your bed every day, sweep the floor, fold your clothes neatly. Remember that this is not your house, and that other people do live in here."

He gives Roy an unimpressed look, as if saying, This boy won't even last an hour, I bet.

"Two: do not, under any circumstances, leave food on your plate. Riza does the cooking, and I will not have you dishonoring her effort. As you will be my apprentice, I am not quite in the mood to let you starve in my house. It's a pain to pay for funeral bills."

Roy's not quite sure how to respond to this, so he just nods again.

"Don't nod. Say yes, or no."

"Yes."

"Yes, sir."

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Three: On no account are you to talk back. I am not a patient man, and I dislike quarrelsome children. If you want to argue, it better be a good topic to argue about."

Riza shifts slightly and glances at Roy, as if saying, Just endure. He's like this all the time, so get used to it.

"Four: Curfew is at nine. Don't look at me like that, young man. We have neighbours, and I'm not having you disrupting their evenings just because of some work left unfinished. If it's nearing curfew and you still have things to do, do it tomorrow."

This might be a little harder than I thought, Roy thinks. And how many rules does he have, anyway?

"There's five rules in all," Berthold snaps, and Roy freezes. "Lastly, and most importantly - "

Roy leans forward slightly, anticipating the last rule.

"You are not allowed to flirt with my daughter."

Huh?

He stares at the man, eye twitching, confused. Not allowed to do what, now?

"My daughter is not a silly little plaything you can flutter your eyelashes at," the older Hawkeye said in an even crosser tone. "I will not have any sort of word exiting your mouth, save for cordial requests and compliments. And I will not tolerate you even touching her, young man. Many fools have come to me asking for apprenticeship and have been kicked out due to the violation of this rule."

Roy really doesn't know what to think of this.

"On the other hand," Berthold continues, a pleased gleam entering his eyes, "my daughter is quite capable of taking care of herself. If you make even one wrong move towards her, I can tell you that you'll be dealing with several broken ribs and a fractured knee in less than three minutes. She also knows how to use a gun, and has impeccable aim, if I should say so myself."

Riza gives him a demure, complacent smile that makes him shiver a little.

Nope, she definitely is not at all like the girls from his town.

"All right," Berthold says, brushing off his trousers and standing. "I'm looking forward to teaching you, if you can abide by my rules."

"It's - It's a honour, sir!" Roy bows low, excitement making his cheeks flush. Never mind the fact that Berthold Hawkeye is nothing like what he thought he would be like. He was sure that his apprenticeship would be one worth remembering.