Innocent Sorrow
Disclaimer: I don't own Card Captor Sakura, nor do I own its characters.
Introduction
"Pain…like a knife protruding out of my heart. Life ebbing away from me…"
Sakura like cherry blossoms. That's my name. I don't think I was properly named though. It would've been better if I was named Sorrow or something, maybe even Fake. That's right; I'm fake, like a vacant shell, waiting to cease from this world.
I am empty, with no dreams, with no hope. Being happy is part of my fake getup. Don't get me wrong…I'm not emo or something. Emo people are more pathetic than me; wearing nothing but black, cutting, trying to commit suicide, that's just plain crazy! I can smile when I see my friends. I can pretend that I'm happy. You are wondering how someone like me can get friends. Truth is I don't know, but my little group of friends consists of Yazamaki, Chiharu, Rika, Hiroshi, and Sashiru.
I am smart, with perfect marks in everything; every mother's perfect dream…but I don't have one. It happened so long ago; but I remember it vividly like it just happened yesterday. She died because a drunk driver swerved to our side of the road and crashed into us, her body was shielding mine when it happened. The last thing she said to me was "Live Sakura, and remember I love you…," her voice trailed off and that was the last time I ever heard her voice. That day I lost my innocence, that fateful day, I lost that spark in my eye that indicated I was a child; my body would forever feel hollow. My mother died the day I turned 7.
I feel guilty…did she really die because of me?
I often see Mother under the sakura tree, her hair flowing around her face; a glowing angel. I'm hallucinating I know, my mother died 10 years ago, but there's always a part of me that yearns for her touch. Dad went into immediate depression when he found out that his beloved Nadeshiko had died in a fatal car crash. It's funny come to think of it. You can't even call him a proper parent. He say's that I'm a failure, always beating me when he comes home drunk. It's hard for me to hide the bruises at school.
Even though I suffer all this…a part of me still exists somewhere. I still hold my undying love for books. People say that I'm a book-worm, but they don't know the real meaning that books hold for me. They are an escapement from this filthy world full of hatred. It's ironic; I live in a world of words rather than reality. I don't mind because books are a pass into my own world of fantasies and words; something beautiful, a world that I wished I had.
I'm talented in a way that no one really knows of. It's funny, really, because that talent is thinking of ways to prolong the things that I have to do. I'm your typical everyday procrastinator, except I'm more successful than most people. I read people like they're open books; I can tell when they are faking or not.
Playing piano is my "scream escaper". Every time I get screamed or beaten at, it's what I do. Pure bliss. Complete silence. I actually enjoy the Mozart crap. I have a tendency to draw when I'm bored. It's what I express my feelings with no matter how ugly they are.
I hate weekends because it means spending more time with Fujitaka, being beaten more often and never getting enough peace. No one knows of my "relationship" with him at home. To everyone, he's the kind father who has liver problems (because of drinking).
In rage he has often kicks me out of the house or threatens me with the kitchen knife. I don't know how I endure all this torture but…I have a will to live; to be strong like mother, and become what she would have wanted me to be. I will prove that I'm not a living failure; I'm not going to give in to the darkness. What I know is, life is a game; play it good or bad, it's my own choice. But…will it be good?
Authors note: So how was it? I know that it's kinda different because when did Sakura get perfect marks? How is she good at math? And why the heck is she NOT happy anf cheerful? WTF? Well I don't know and I promise you'll know in the future (somehow). Anyways this is just a thing for you to get to know Sakura and no...I don't think it's really a part of the story. So read on and tell me what you think