Disclaimer I do not own anything nor do I really have control over how you react to this where you like it or not doesn't really bug me. I know this is like a really badly written story but this was written over 4 years ago back when I was in my weeboo stage and I had terrible grammar. I didn't try to make an effort to edit this but I'm just too lazy. Feel free to use this as a Gag gift since its christmas. This is written for satire and comedy purposes. Never less enjoy criticism is welcome ! P.S mind the colourful language or mentally censor it when you come across it.
It was a normal summer afternoon for Kris as usual she was killing time by playing candy crush except that she couldn't pass the level 80 since she needed tickets. Damn it Kris thought to her why any of her friends won't send her tickets, well screw that on second thought might just go check her Facebook. While checking her Facebook she saw a really distributing sight a manga panel of Sasuke being screwed alive like a rabbit by no other the sex god Madara, Kris at first began yelling out loud saying things like "oh hell no you didn't just kill him Mr Sex god". Kris's parents gave the what the fuck face after hearing that comment but didn't really bother checking what their daughter was doing and proceed to resume to what they were doing.
Kris as usual clicked on the link that the admin left for the fans she then began to scroll across reading the manga taking in all of the details of each panel, she found herself quite disturbed by the television sound coming from the lounge room so she decided to turn her music on. The first song of her choice was Thrift shop as it began to play Kris began to sing along with it slowly listening while reading it, not long until she reached the end of the manga she then began to scream really loud at the plot twist not paying attention to her surroundings at all. Kris being quite pissed at Madara for killing Sasuke she then began to rant to herself, it was then until she proudly said that if she was to see Madara she going to give him a hell of a lecture.
Okay people ever heard the story of be careful of what you say because you don't really know when it is going to back fire and burn the living shit out of you. As I was saying before be careful but Kris being the dipshit she couldn't really give a fuck boy did she ever regret that so much. Kris really needed a song that she could just listen and rage that when her phone shuffled to Bug eaten psychedelic Rhythm by IA. Kris loves the song so much it was dark gothic everything she needed to release her negative energy out ,as the song began to play she began to sing aloud now Kris has a get voice after all she did come a musical family. The only problem was that she was not singing in her room she was singing on a battle field. Technically known as the fourth war of the ninja's does that ring the bell yes indeed this girl was singing in front of Madara himself well not that she knew that and here comes more she was dancing.
By dancing I do not mean twerking she was a dancer so she was free styling in front of the entire ninja population embarrassing right. Well apparently not enough that was phone shuffled to the song 23 by Miley Cyrus, she had no fucken idea why the song the was in phone probably Taylor her brother synced the song on her phone on purpose to annoy her. Never less she continued to sing along but instead of dancing she began to walk to what she once knew was her door; however it is now currently known as Madara the sex god's chest. Kris not knowing anything walked right into Madara's chest and Kris no even bothered to look up assumed that it was her brother Taylor.
"Taylor move out of my way, if you don't I'll make you listen to me rapping Nicki Minaj for 2 hours". Still there was no reaction this time Kris managed to make her voice boom as she said the same phrase
"TAYLOR MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY OR ELSE IT'S NOT JUST ME RAPPING NICKI MINAJ IT'S ME CHOPPING YOUR DICK OFF AND FEEDING IT TO YOURSELF!" Still there was no reaction of whatsoever Kris officially snapped she lifted her head to face her assumed brother and glared only to be met with purple ringed eyes, Kris's first thought what the fuck is that even possible maybe its contacts numerous thoughts ran wild in Kris's head that's when Kris came to a conclusion called the fucker responsible for this shit aka her brother.
Kris whipped out her white Samsung galaxy express and speed dials Taylor meanwhile Taylor was sitting on the couch until his black Samsung galaxy express rang it was the song treasure. When this song plays Taylor knows it's his kawaii nee san calling him he proceed to pick up the phone only to be greeted with Kris's pissed off I'm going to chop your penis off voice.
"TAYLOR WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO HIRE A FUCKEN COSPLAYER AND STRIPPER TO STAND IN FRONT OF MY CRIB" Kris spoke with a booming voice.
"No sis I did not hire a stripper or a cos-player to stand in front of your room and also you are so not in your room where are you? My cute older sister who I like to tease".
"Okay I see I'm somewhere also cut the poker face I'm going to kill you because I can then see you later".
Several situations ran in Kris head
A. She was not in her room
B. She was in a battle field
C. She just ran into a sex gods chest
D. She just pretty much danced and sung in front of all of the ninja population
All of those four facts spelled fuck and also embarrassment. While Kris was daydreaming and panicking about what was happening just then Madara himself spoke this time.
"Hm what is a weak child like you doing here are you asking to be killed?"
For one thing Kris did understood what he said but chose to keep quiet and ignore the sex god for now, her brown eyes looked at Madara for a spilt second and then she moved towards the left. Madara watched in amusement as the weird girl who was bare feet walking towards the younger Uchiha. Kris walked up to Sasuke and then it was silent as the whole entire population began to stare at her, Kris then screamed out loud like a fan girl.
"HOLY MOTHER OF A CUP AND SOCKS YOU'RE SO HOT IN REAL LIFE"
The whole entire population was like WTF bro he is like dying and then it hit Kris she hugged him and proceed to chant don't die don't die and proceed to threaten a half death Sasuke.
"My sexy duck ass Sama don't die please I love you with all my heart also if you die I'll tell the entire world your embarrassing secret. For example like the time when you and Naruto k…"
Before Kris can finish the sentence Sir fluffy I'm so arrogant locks woke up and looked at Kris well more like death glare, you know the classic Uchiha I'm going to kill you late glare yes that one. Kris just smiled innocently …my ass she was a wicked bitch and what does she do next fuck with the character of course. Her fist victim no other than Sasuke she proceed to smirk and leaned in and stole his first girl kiss, on top of that she showed him erm…some of the fandom narusasu shippings. Sasuke was terrified no in fact horrified of this random girl her next target was Madara now what to do. She scream out loud…
"UCHIHA MADARA LOVES YOU HASHIRAMA SAMA HE WANTS THE D I MEAN HE WANTS YOU AND TOBIRAMA THREESOME!"
*insert awkward pregnant silence *
Now the so called sex god was now poof red and his eyes were well growing a crimson while glaring at the strange girl. Kris was grinning before she began to run for her motherfucking sorry ass before she was finely diced sliced into tofu. Running like the wind she was jumping over varies things like logs death people half dead humans etc. She quickly spotted her target and ran behind that so called person aka the adorable dead Minato.
She was hiding behind him as he was well pretty much still trying to process the current situation well a trail of dust was spotted in front this was no other than Madara; letting out a little scream Kris began to run again passing the stoned population of ninjas and eventually reaching the 5 Kages. She then proceed to scream in a language that they didn't understand while throwing then some weird ass memo which was filled with some interesting material. By interesting I mean like fan drawings and some other things …..Which is too much to be mention here. The contents of the memo spilled everywhere and the kages were mentally traumatised about the contents.
Out of nowhere a white smoke appeared which replaced where Kris was and her ass landed right onto her bed where all of her Yaoi things were. So she was officially back to her own world well her "little" visit will be forever remembered as the definitely not child friendly story that could be told as bedtime stories.
yes you made it thanks once again for reading this crappy story I wrote!
reviews and criticism is welcomed and loved.
peace