Author's note: So I was doing my usual thing of reading my daily amounts of Eclare fics when suddenly, I realized something. I had finished this a long time ago, and yet I haven't even posted it. How smart am I? Anywho, I did this probably a few days before Dead and Gone aired. I can't quite remember :P I think this is so-so. I love doing Eli when he's the adorable sarcastic Eli we all love, but when he's not like that I think there's a bit of depth to him that I can't quite capture in my writing. So I'm sorry if he sounds OOC XP But regardless, enjoy! :D

Eli sat back against the leather couch, sighing to himself while his therapist scribbled down notes. This had to be his 4th (or was it 5th…..? He had stopped keeping track after a while) session since his breakdown at the play. To be totally honest, it wasn't that bad. After telling her everything (and that includes from the beginning, all the way to Julia) it felt like a weight had been lifted off of him. But not all. He could still feel that dark cloud swarming over him. Now they were moving on to more recent things. Well, somewhat recent.
"You're doing well Eli, this is good. You're doing a good job…" she muttered compliments as she continued her note writing. He looked over at her. She was young, about 10 (or something like that) years older than him and brand new to the job. When his parents described his mini breakdown, he saw her eyes widen and he wondered if she was actually scared of him. The thought made Eli chuckle a bit and a smirk grew on his mouth.
"So, you parents tell me besides Julia you were in another relationship?"
Eli stiffened and gripped the couch like it was a life line. He wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about….her.
"Let me see….they told me her name was.." she flipped threw notes of info in her client "Oh Clare. Is that right?"

Clare

Clare Edwards

Clare Diane Edwards

And Eli knew that name would be forever etched into his brain.

He leaned in and ran a hand threw his mess of black hair. What could he say? "Oh yeah, I think that's right. I mean, I'm always thinking about her. And how those blue eyes haunt and keep me up at night. How her auburn curls bounce around her perfectly framed face. The way she bites on the end of her pencil during English class when she's deep in thought. How the simple sarcastic comment of mine drives her up the wall.
They way her face was of pure shock and hurt when I lay there in the hospital bed that horrid night. And then her angry words spat at me, demanding to know if I actually loved her at all.
And especially the way that damn jock (who's apparently only capable of wearing plaid) has his arm around her. How he stepped in and swept her off her feet. The way she moved on so quickly when I could only stand back and watch the happy couple. Is that the one you're talking about? Hmm... yeah I think that's her. The memory is a little fuzzy though."
I refused to look at her gaze "Uh yeah. That….that's her name."
"You guys went through a pretty messy break-up huh?" was her sweet response. But Eli wasn`t a kid and he noticed the tone in her voice. Pity sympathy. He simple nodded.
"Well, tell me about her. It's easier to get it off your chest."
She wanted to know about Clare Edwards? Eli chuckled to himself. He could tell her every little thing about the angel. But Eli was worried what the consequences would be if he talked about her.
"Tell me what she looks like." she must've noticed the reluctancy. He grinned and leaned back against the couch once more
"First thing about Clare you'll notice when you meet her is her blue eyes….or maybe that was just me. These eyes make the darkest, dreariest day look bright and sunny. They shine like crystals. She has auburn curls that she would always complain to me about, that they looked like a mess compared to the long straight hair of the other girls at Degrassi. I always told her everything about her was beautiful, unique…" he grinned and his green eyes saddened.
"She sounds really pretty."
"She is..."
"What about her, personality wise."
That might take a while "Clare is an angel, and yet the only girl who could match my sarcasm. Kind and sweet, she's never one to pick a fight," the memories of the bickering that they had about that idiot Fitz made him grin. "but she has morals that she sticks by, and always justifies things that aren't right. You won't believe how stubborn she could be at times." he laughed.
"She defiantly wasn't the girl I would normally go for, but something behind those blue eyes made me want to find out. And when I did, those were the best times I've ever had, since Julia. Maybe even better." He glanced over at her, an upset expression painted on her face. Was it that obvious the he was still madly in love with this girl?
"And...what happened?" Eli angrily bit his tongue till he swore he tasted blood.
"Eli?"
"I played the stupid possive boyfriend. He, Fitz, was back and I knew he was back to make it even. And he knew the only way to do that was to get to Clare. I held her back, I needed her. She was the only one who made me feel like nothing was wrong with me. She didn't run away from my hoarding problems, she understood. I couldn`t lose her. It wasn't until she told me that I realized I had been pressuring her. When….when she didn't meet me at our bench that night it felt like my heart was being ripped to tiny pieces. There had to be a way to keep her with me, to make sure she'd never leave. When she told me it was over, and I couldn't let it happen. I didn`t realize what I was doing was wrong. All I could think off was keeping her with me. She'd never leave me. So that's….that's when.."
"When you crashed your car..." she finished for him.
He was leaning forward now, head bent over and hands on his knees. He couldn't live through this again…
"She yelled, said I was manipulating her. And I knew that too. But…I-I couldn't stop. She started to walk away, but I grabbed her wrist. Begging her. But she was just one girl, with one guy pushing all these problems onto her. She apologized, and went right through that door."
"Goodness…"
"I'd experienced heartbreak before. I thought it would be just fine. But watching her leave…and knowing I blew it all.." His hands gripped the sides of the coffee table till the knuckles went white. Emotions bubbled up and anger at his own stupidity of letting Clare go was enough to choke him..
"Was even worse?"
"What the hell do you think? I screwed it all up! I had just seen the best thing that ever happened to me run out! She was gone, out of my life! Of course it was worse!" He had jumped from the couch and was just yelling in her face. She looked very startled, but had enough training to know what to do.
"Eli, keep calm. Remember, breathe. In and out." He did as instructed and crumpled back onto the couch.
"Eli, this isn`t healthy. There must be some way to get over her."
None. There was no way. He would always be reminded of her.
"I don't want to live like this. I don't. But all I can think about is her with that stupid jock and having moved on from me completely. It's like…my brain is screaming at me that this is bad for me and how getting better is the first priority. But all my heart wants is to be back with Clare and have my world complete again."
"Well Eli, were here to help you get better and to put the past where it belongs." she told him. Then her watch beeped and Eli knew what that meant "But our time is up now for today. Tomorrow, bright and early for next session." she smiled. He sighed and pushed himself off the couch. Soon enough, he was outside the building and entering his father's car, not feeling any better after this session like he usually does.

-

"How was today's session big guy?" his father gave him a lope sided smile, something his son probably inherited from him. Eli put on his signature smirk that would seem to his father like it was fine
"Same old same old." They drove in silence as the car glided down the street, passing identical houses lined up behind the side walk. Eli glanced out the window to the sidewalk and his eyes fixed on something he wasn't sure if he was imagining not.
There was Clare, walking down the cold grey pavement and shoulder bag on. She was keeping her head down, a thoughtful expression on her face. He couldn't help but smirk. Clare was always trying to solve problems. To his surprise, she looked up. Her eyes caught his own and her face turned to shock.
"Guess she wasn't expecting to see my face so soon." he thought. But to his surprise, she gave off the tiny bit of a smile. Perhaps she was happy to see him still alive. He half smiled back and leaned back into the seat. Maybe this means she doesn't hate him, which Eli was very surprised about. Clare still wouldn't forgive him, and she shouldn't for what he's done. But once he's better, perhaps she'll let him in once more.
And at that time, that sounded perfect to Eli.

Author's note: Soooooo, how was that? It was OOC wasn't it? XP I'm sorry *hangs head shamefully* But even so, please leave a review! I'm iffy about this one, so some feedback would be great. Also, my next thing MIGHT be a sequel to my one-shot "New Chances, Old Friends" (please check it out. I worked on that one till my brain started smoking, believe it or not. I'd love you if you do :D). But we'll see.