A/N: So this is Teru and this is my first solo fic but I can't take full credit for the idea behind this fic. I wish to dedicate it to 'Ragi as she is the one who got me involved in her hair-brained plan to write yaoi fanfics but I must say that to this point I have enjoyed the ride. She is the reason that this fic was written as I was inspired by a Roxas/Axel fic that she wrote (one that I'm still fighting her to post but am failing at to this point [If you want it posted please leave a review]). But back on topic. Please enjoy the fic and please don't judge me too harshly. I'm just starting.
Disclaimer: Although Kingdom Hearts may be the best game in the history of the universe, I am sad to say that I do not own Kingdom Hearts, nor am I in any way associated with Square Enix.
Nobody Would Miss Me
Roxas stormed out of the castle, on a mission. He needed to discover who he really was and find Xion. Only if they escaped together would he be able to enjoy his existence. His plan was to convince Axel to come with him and then they could all run away and be happy together. It will just be the three of them, together as friends. No more Kingdom Hearts. No more orders from the Organization and Saïx, but instead, peace and friendship. To him that would be a life worth living rather than going on missions to fulfill the "research of the heart."
Roxas continued walking with a purpose down the corridors of the castle approaching Axel's room. The fiery red-head needed to be in his room. He had to go with Roxas.
"I can't live without him," Roxas thought to himself. "He has to come with me. For me. For Xion. We need him." Thoughts of Xion flooded into Roxas' mind. Her choppy, silky black hair flowed from her scalp. Her ocean blue eyes were piercing his heart.
"Where are you when I need you most Xion?" Roxas wondered. "If you were here things wouldn't seem so difficult."
Roxas pushed his thoughts aside. He had a more important matter at hand. He knocked on Axel's door to make sure he could come in. Normally, the young blond would just walk right in to happily converse with his best friend. But today was different. There would be no joking. No laughter. Just serious pleading and planning.
"What will I say to him exactly?" Roxas started to question himself. "Do I just say to him, 'You need to come with me to look for Xion and run away?' Do I simply state my plans and ask him to come along? What do I say? How will he respond?" His mind was racing when a sweet voice called to him, "Come in."
As Roxas walked in, he saw Axel laid out across his bed with one headphone in and with a magazine in hand. Axel sat up quickly as he heard his door open to see who it was. When he laid eyes on Roxas, his emerald green eyes turned from a look of alarm to one of relief.
"Why the formalities?" Axel questioned. "I thought you were Saïx or Xemnas coming to chew me out again. Give me a heart attack why don't you? You just walk in and talk. Got it memorized?"
Roxas felt guilty for causing such a panic in his best friend but he had to show he meant business. Without even cracking a smile he started. "Axel, can I ask you a question?"
Axel started to chuckle. "Why is he laughing? I'm not joking around. I'm dead serious." Roxas was getting upset. Axel wasn't even going to let him speak before laughing at him.
"We can go get some sea-salt ice cream after work tomorrow. I'm not going to Twilight Town again. Ok? You can wait a little while." Axel smiled at Roxas. He almost immediately reopened his magazine upon contact between his back and the mattress. Immersed in his reading, he ignored Roxas.
Roxas could feel the anger rushing through him. "He thinks he knows me so well but all he's doing is acting like a jerk." Without even thinking he snatched the magazine out of Axel's hand and threw it across the room.
"That's swell and all but that wasn't what I wanted to ask." Roxas was starting to raise his voice. His ocean blue eyes were ablaze as though on fire. Axel stood up and rushed to Roxas.
"What's wrong? Something's gotten into you." Axel's expression reflected pure concern. He took Roxas chin in his hand and looked him square in the eyes. Roxas couldn't help but feel guilt rise up inside him. He had to calm down. He couldn't come across as angry when he asked Axel or he may take it the wrong way.
Roxas took a deep breath. "Axel," he started. "I want you to run away with me. Leave the organization and start a new life."
The blood rushed to Axel's cheeks. "Well gee Roxas. That's a lovely offer and all but normally I make people wine and dine me first. Then I need a few kisses and then we will visit this all again. But thanks for the wonderful proposal." Axel was laughing again.
"Axel." Roxas' face remained completely straight. "I'm being serious. I want you to run away with me to find Xion so we can all live together. Away from the organization. Freely as people."
"But we aren't people Roxas," Axel interrupted. "We're nobodies. All we will be is nobodies unless we complete kingdom hearts. You know that as well as I do."
"But Axel," Roxas started.
"There are no buts necessary here," Axel sternly scolded. "If we leave the organization they will only track us down and bring us back anyways. There is no future for us outside of these walls. So you may as well get used to it now."
Roxas eyes rolled towards the floor. Axel had taken the wind out of his sails. "Is there any point in leaving without Axel?" Roxas thought. "No. Axel is the only friend I have with me right now. I can't just leave him behind. Without him, I'm nothing."
Roxas walked out of the room feeling dejected. Now he couldn't leave. He couldn't bring himself to do it. There was just no way. He walked down the corridor as though nothing had happened but he felt as though he were carrying a large weight on his shoulders.
"Is Axel really scared of the organization that much? Does he not care about me enough to want to go with me? Is there something else stopping him from going? Is it that he no longer needs me because he finally won Larxene's affections?"
Depressing thoughts raced through Roxas' mind as he entered his room. He laid facedown on his mattress with his head in the pillow. The rivers of tears began to flow from his deep ocean-like eyes.
"Why would Axel refuse me like that?" Roxas wondered. "Doesn't he care about me like I care about him? Or does he just see me as an annoying coworker? Perhaps I'm merely a helpless child to him. But what if he does know how I truly feel about him. Maybe if he knew, he would come. Should I tell him how I feel? Or should I just leave him and move on?"
He wiped the streaks from his cheeks. Was it worth it or not? That was the main thought going through his mind.
"Maybe Axel will forgive me if I just leave," Roxas suggested to himself. "Then again, maybe he will hate me forever. Maybe he will change his mind. Then again, maybe he will be even more against it if I try to convince him again and he will try to force me to stay."
Roxas continued his self conflict. He lay most of the evening pondering over his situation. He needed to make a decision and make it quickly. The more time he would take to decide, the more likely his plan to leave would surface and make things more difficult.
"I can't bother with Axel," thought Roxas. "Though he is my best friend, I can't let my life revolve around one decision he made that I didn't agree with. I'm sorry my friend but it's time for me to leave the nest."
Roxas rose out of bed and crossed his room. He grabbed his cloak and threw it over his head. He would have to leave swiftly before the organization could figure out he was gone.
He opened his door and silently shut it behind him. "No use in waking everyone up," he thought to himself. "If they wake up, I'm sunk."
Walking down the corridor , Roxas started to think about his surroundings. "The corridor is creepy at night. It really brings out the eeriness in the castle."
Suddenly a thought that hadn't occurred to him before hit him. "What if they have cameras set up in the corridors? If that's the case, this escape is over before it begins." Roxas started to move slightly quicker without making any noise. "Maybe Xemnas is sitting in his chair laughing at that little squirt because 'he actually thinks he can escape from us.' Then he'll drag me back to my room and I'll be the embarrassment of the organization. Then not only will I suffer for it but Axel will too because he knew I wanted to run."
Roxas broke into a run. He had to leave. For his sake and Axel's. The clock was ticking on his escape plans and his future. Silence was no longer an option. As long as he put distance between himself and the organization, it wouldn't matter if they heard him. He would be out of reach until he could slip into the shadows. Then he would start his search for Xion and they could live their lives happily together. Axel could no longer be part of his plans. It was too late for that.
The end of the corridor was directly in front of him. Roxas started to slow down. Only a few more feet and he could open a portal and leave this hell. He would be free for the first time in his life.
"What will it be like? What will I do when I leave? Will I regret anything from the days past?" While he bombarded himself with questions he failed to notice the shadow on the walls ahead of him.
As Roxas walked through the last door a voice came from nowhere. "Where do you think your going?"
Roxas wheeled around and watched as Axel emerged from the shadows. "Where do you think? I told you I was leaving. If you didn't believe me that's your fault. Either way I'm leaving and you can't change my mind."
"Dear Roxas. Do you think it will be that easy? Xemnas will have you hunted to the ends of the earth. There is no escape." Axel seemed pleased with his logic. Roxas was sickened by the smug look on his face.
"I have to leave. The organization is better without me." Roxas' face turned completely serious. "Xemnas won't send anyone after me. After all no one will miss me."
Roxas began to walk away. He was preparing to create a portal to leave through when Axel muttered out of nowhere, "That's not true. I would."
Roxas stopped. He was not moving. The hood of the black cloaked boy turned towards the ground. Axel broke into a sprint. He had to stop Roxas from leaving. If Roxas left, his life would never be the same. It would be never ending misery for him, but also for the young boy. Roxas was his only friend. No matter what they had to stay together, no matter the cost.
"Roxas! Wait!" Axel called. Roxas turned to see his friend running towards him. "You can't leave. I won't allow it."
"Why not Axel?" Roxas yelled at him. "Because it will reflect badly on you? Because the organization will hunt for me? I don't give a damn about the organization or anyone involved with it. So your either with them or with me. Either way I'm leaving. There's no place for me here anymore."
"Roxas it's not like that," Axel pleaded. "I want to know your safe. If you leave I will never be able to live with myself. That's why you need to stay. Because I need you here with me."
"Axel I need you with me as well," Roxas began. "That's why I asked you to come with me. Once again I'll extend that offer to you . Will you come with me to find Xion and start a new life?"
"Roxas I…I can't. My place is with the organization. I want to come with you. Believe me. I do. But I can't. If you'll stay with me we'll find Xion and make a life here. I can make it happen here. But I have no power in the world outside this castle. If you'll stay with me I'll do whatever I can to make you happy."
"I can't Axel." Roxas replied. "It's time for me to leave. I've done all I can here. I have to move on. If you have no more to say then I must be going. Time is wasting."
Axel moved forward and Roxas drew his keyblade preparing for a fight. Axel wasn't the type to normally mix words and now Roxas was an enemy. But the redhead did something Roxas never expected. He leaned forward and kissed the boy on the forehead and gathered him into a hug.
Roxas didn't want to leave this. He didn't want to break the embrace and leave the warmth of Axel's body. His one friend in the world was with him and he couldn't bear to leave his side. But it was time to do so.
"One more time I will ask Axel. And if the answer is the same I will be on my way without you. Will you join me in making a life in the world outside these walls?"
"I can't do it Roxas. If we leave Xemnas will hunt us down and have us silenced one way or another. The only way to avoid that is to hide in the shadows for the rest of our lives. A life in the shadows defeats the purpose of life, which is freedom. That is why I don't leave. Because we could never enjoy our lives if we left."
"I guess this is goodbye then. I can't stay here so. I'm just sorry you won't come with me."
"And I'm just sorry you won't stay with me."
"This is probably the final time we say goodbye Axel. I hope we meet again one day." With that Roxas put his arms around Axel's neck. His deep blues eyes locked onto the shimmering green eyes of Axel. He started to stand on his toes and inched closer to Axel's face. Finally their lips locked. Roxas closed his eyes before he could realize what he was doing. He could taste mint from Axel's mouth.
"It's a nice offset of his personality," Roxas thought. "A cool, chilly taste to go with his fieriness."
Roxas let his lips rest on Axel's. He felt a tug in his chest. Then a warm feeling came over him. It was a strange phenomenon to him.
"Is this what I think it is? That strange sensation Axel told us about that heartless nobodies can't feel? Love?"
Roxas suddenly understood. "This is love. I have a heart. That's why I feel so strange here. That's why Axel said I'm a special type of nobody. Because I have a heart. I truly don't belong in the organization. Because I have emotions. Axel and I no longer share a purpose."
He then felt another tug on his heart. Pain washed over him. "That means since Axel doesn't have a heart he can't love me like I love him. He needs to complete kingdom hearts. We can't be together. He needs to stay while I leave." A tear slid down Roxas' cheek. More were welling up in his eyes. The tear ran down to his lip where it rolled onto Axel's and down his chin. But a little crying wouldn't end this moment for the heartbroken teen. He enjoyed every second of the warmth radiating off his fiery friend. He was enjoying the soft feeling of Axel's lips on his own. He felt as though he was no longer standing on his tiptoes, but rather floating on the air, putting him at Axel's height. He noticed the tears streaming down his face now at the thought of leaving Axel behind forever. What Roxas didn't realize was that a tear slid down the bridge of Axel's nose and onto Roxas', cheek unbeknownst to the young boy. Roxas, feeling he had enjoyed the bittersweet moment too long, broke the bond between their lips and backed away, knowing this would be the final time he and number 8 would see each other as friends. Axel, opening his eyes upon separation, stepped forward to wipe the tears from the young boy's eyes and to remove the streaks from his cheeks.
"Just because we're separated doesn't mean out bond as best friends is broken. No matter where you are in the world, you're always my best friend. Got it memorized?" A momentary smile crossed his face.
"He's trying to trick me into staying," Roxas thought to himself. "I can't let that happen. Not now." Roxas turned and began to walk. He could hear Axel's feet hitting the floor, the sound becoming fainter with each step as they walked away from each other.
"I love you," they both whispered under their breath simultaneously. A single tear rolled down Axel's cheek as he walked towards the castle.
Roxas walked about twenty steps and disappeared into a swirling, jet-black portal to an unknown destination. The blond boy was gone and his red-headed friend had no idea.
Axel felt a tugging in his chest and a sharp pain. He realized what he had failed to before. He realized he had a heart.
"I love him. I really love him. I know what that means now. It's not just hollow words anymore. I can feel it deep within me. Without Roxas I truly am a nobody. I need to find him, to be with him." Axel turned to chase the boy, but when he looked, Roxas was gone.
"Where could he have gone? The clock tower for some reminiscing and sea-salt ice cream? The tunnels to avoid detection in the endless maze? Maybe to a place where no one would ever think of, so no one would ever find him." The tears steadily poured down Axel's face.
"It's hopeless. He's gone. I realize I love him and like that he's gone. There's no way I'll ever find him. He could be anywhere by now." The man turned back towards the castle and continued through the corridors into his room. He laid down sobbing, for the first time ever, into his pillow.
"This was probably the final time we say goodbye Axel. I hope we meet again one day." Roxas words echoed in his mind. He looked up and saw the magazine that Roxas had thrown that very afternoon. He remembered how serious the boy had been about his plan. He realized the golden opportunity that he had missed.
"I'm sorry Roxas. I hope we meet again one day as free people, instead of as the organizations slaves. I'll always be right here waiting for you. I hope you know that I love you too, Roxas, and that one day I find you again."
As Axel slipped into unconsciousness a single tear drop rolled down his face and he thought of the boy who had slipped away from him. His heart went out to the boy as his eyes closed and he fell to sleep.
At the same time, on a tower in twilight town, a boy pulled an ice cream stick out of his pocket that read WINNER. The boy thought of a man in his old castle who he dearly loved. He knew that no matter where they were, their hearts would always be together and that one day, they would see each other once again.