Things don't always turn out the way they seem. Actually in my experience they never turn out the way they first appear to.
Take my greatest folly for example. Naturally it followed my greatest triumph. I am not the hero in the story, I am rarely dashing, more often I play the fool. Somehow I managed to get the girl anyway. I guess it was really just dumb luck. Of course true to form I managed to loose her though. I still think about that day often. I still hear those words running through my head. "Jay, this is goodbye." They haunt me. Those four words shattered me and I had no idea what I could do to make it right, I had already gotten more than my fair share of second chances. Still I couldn't believe that it was really the end.
I guess that's why I have used it as the beginning. Everything that happened next would not have come to be if not for those four hated words.
I walked into the police station a broken man. I had no where else to turn and no reason left to run.
"I need to turn myself in." I said simply to the man at the desk, placing the ring in front of him. "I was the one who robbed the pawn shop." I could think of nothing else to say. I did not try to defend my actions, not to him. I had had enough dealings with cops in my sorted past to know that he really didn't care. I didn't need to tell him which pawn shop either; there was only one that had been robbed, only one missing that ring. In matters such as these it is best to be direct.
The officer looked at me dumbly as they all tend to do at one time or another. "I hope you don't think you are going to get off easy by turning yourself in. We don't do things that way here."
I only looked at him as he rose from his desk. I didn't want to tell him that I had lost all reason to hope for anything. I stood before him a hollow shell and let him cuff my hands though it was hardly necessary. He led me back to the holding tank and there he left me to await my fate with the drunks, the whores, and the other criminals not unlike myself. I had hoped never to end up here again but like I said things don't always turn out right and I had played the fool.
I'm not sure how long I stood there, lost in a world of my misery. Eventually another officer came in. He pointed to me, "You." He said to emphasize that I was the one he was talking to. "You get one phone call still. I suggest you make it now before I forget." That's a cop for you, always trying to make it seem like they are doing you a favor for not violating your rights.
Maybe I am being unfair in my depiction of the police but this is how it seemed to me. Understand that I was always in trouble as a kid. If it wasn't shoplifting, it was vandalism. If it wasn't vandalism, it was dealing drugs. For one reason or another I had ended up in a cell more often than I care to admit and always it seemed the same. The faces changed for sure but the manners were the same. After all, I was a criminal, a low life. I was of the same status as the scum they scrapped off their boots, why should I be treated with any form of courtesy?
I followed him as he led me out of the cell. That was when it dawned on me, I had no one to call. I had no contact with my family, by my own choice. I had just lost the one person that I truly cared about. Who was I going to call?
A quick glance at the clock showed me that I should have been at work almost an hour ago. I guess I had better call Tony. Better that he hear it from me than on the nightly news.
He is going to be upset about the collect charges but there is no other way to call from jail. They took my cell at the door, along with my shoe laces.
Just when I thought he was not going to accept the call I heard his upset voice on the other end of the line, "Jay, what the hell is going on here. Whose truck did you steal this time?" I had managed to catch him in a good mood. He will never let me live down that time that he had me arrested for grand theft auto. I had borrowed the tow truck and forgotten to tell him about it. Luckily when I finally got a hold of him he cleared the whole thing up. This time I don't think he can help.
"Manny pawned the ring." I managed but knew it wouldn't be enough info. "I stole it back, I couldn't stand it. I had to have it back and I didn't think I just acted. I stole it and then she left me. I turned myself in. It was all for nothing, everything was for nothing." The words just tumbled out at that point and much to my horror I was near to sobbing.
"Jay, stop. Breathe. You are the stupidest fool I have ever met. I will not hold your job for you, I can't, but if there is anything you need let me know. I'm still here for you kid, though I have no idea why." Honestly that was the nicest thing he could say. "Good luck, I'll talk to you later." With that he hung up. My phone call was done but at least I had gained something from it, I knew I still had someone who gave a damn whether I was alive or dead.
The rest passed in a blur. I know I went back to the cell, I know that at some point I slept but beyond that I might as well have been in a coma and no one cared.
"There is someone here to see you." The gruff officer said one afternoon. I was a bit shocked to be honest. I didn't dare hope that it was Manny. More likely it was Tony or one of the guys, here to poke fun.
I did not expect the man that was waiting for me. He was in his forties and balding. He sat in the chair and looked at me as I walked in.
"I'm Chuck Martin; I own the store you robbed." Definitely not someone that I had thought I would see.
"What can I do for you?" I asked not knowing what to expect.
"Call me crazy but I want to know why you did it. I want to know why you thought you had a right to what was in my store. I want to know why the only thing you took was that ring. Now you are going to tell me why."
I stared at him not knowing how to respond at first. I closed my eyes, dropped my head into my hands and took a deep breath. When I met his gaze again I just let the words come, "That ring belonged to my mother. It was all I had left of her after she died. I am in love with an amazing, beautiful and often scatter brained woman. I gave her the ring when she agreed to one day become my wife. The first mistake I made was not telling her its worth, both monetary and sentimental. The second was in lying to her about my family. I told her that my parents lived in Malta because I didn't want to admit that I had cut my dad out of my life when he remarried. That was when she went to your store. She had found out that the ring was valuable and decided to pawn it in order to buy tickets to Malta. I couldn't stand that ring not being on her finger, it drove me insane. The tickets were non refundable and we had no way to buy it back. I was walking buy that night and saw the ring there in the window. I just acted, I never once thought about the consequences of my actions. I just couldn't stand it anymore. In the end though she left me. She could not accept what I had done and really I couldn't either so I turned myself in." The whole story came out, I had no reason to hold anything back. All my cards were down on the table.
We sat in silence for a while, he appeared to be thinking about what I had said. It was if he was planning out what he was going to do next. I could do nothing but stare at my hands until he cleared his throat and once again I looked into his eyes.
"I am going to drop the charges." He said at last and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "On one condition." I didn't know what to say so I just nodded.
"Locking you up in jail does me no good. It doesn't repair my window and it does you no good either. I want you to come work for me. I'll pay you a reasonable wage plus commission and you can pay off the damages and the ring. We'll work out the details before you leave but for now I need to go meet with my lawyer and iron this whole situation out. For now you will stay here but you will be out soon."
With that he shook my hand, stood up and left. I sat dumbfounded. I could not believe what had just happened. I went back to the cell with a lighter heart. Soon this part of my ordeal would be over.
The next day Mr. Martin came back. He had with him a stack of papers that he handed me after the formality of greeting was dispensed with. It was an employment contract. It dictated a wage of $15 per hour with an obligation of 40 hours a week. In addition to that I was to receive 10% commission on all sales that I made. Attached to this was an agreement to repay a sum of $6500 from those wages, $5000 for the ring and $1500 in damages etc. One quarter of any money paid to me would go straight back to Mr. Martin until the sum was paid off. I could contribute more at any time but at this rate it would take me about a year before I was truly free. Of course compared to jail it was the better option. I signed on the dotted line.
When Mr. Martin signaled the officer at the door he came in carrying a box. "You are free to go. I don't know what you two have cooked up and I don't want to. Just don't place a toe out of line or you will end up right back here."
As expected the box contained my personal effects. My wallet, shoe laces, cell phone, it was all there. When I finished lacing my shoes and returning my stuff to its accustomed pockets I noticed something else in the box. The ring sat there in a plastic evidence bag. I looked up at Mr. Martin, my confusion plain on my face. "I have your signature saying that you are going to pay me for it. I thought it would be an act of good faith to give it to you now. Just remember that if you skip out on me I will have you hauled in for breach of contract." I took the ring then and shook Mr. Martin's hand in thanks. "I'll see you tomorrow Jay seven sharp." With that he left and I walked out to rejoin the world.
The days became weeks and all seemed to run together. I worked for Mr. Martin on week days and then spent my weekends at the auto shop. Tony made sure I still had place there despite his comment on the phone. Occasionally I would head over to the Dot where Spinner would rib me about being an "indentured servant." Mostly it was all the same from day to day.
One day was different, it was nearing the end of summer. I had talked a guy into buying a rather expensive set of jewelry for his wife and figured that my comission would cut a good couple weeks off my obligation. Then she walked by. She was wearing black shorts and a red halter top. Her hair was down and blowing in the wind. I felt my heart skip a beat before I even saw her out the window. She looked amazing and it made my heart ache for what we had before. I wanted to go talk to her but I was afraid that she wouldn't listen. As far as I knew she had no idea about what I had been up to these last few months. I still loved her as much as ever but I needed more time. I knew I needed to have more to offer her before I threw myself at her feet.
That sight of her I kept with me though. All I had to do was close my eyes and I would be reminded of why I was working so hard. At night I would dream of winning her back and this time not screwing up.
Working for Mr. Martin had one unexpected advantage. He was the type that liked to teach and he never seemed bothered when I would ask him questions. I started learning about how to run a business. More than that I started asking Tony about things at the shop and if we could make some changes. Business seemed to pick up when he took my suggestions and I started having to come in evenings after my shift at the pawn shop ended. My life became an endless cycle of going from one job to the next.
One day in mid November I was surprised when Mr. Martin asked to talk to me at the end of my shift.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked sure that the only reason he would call me aside would be for a reprimand but for the life of me I could not think of what I had done.
"I wanted to give you this, I figured we should talk about it." He handed me a rather thick envelope. In it was a certificate of ownership for the ring; my paycheck, without the deduction taken out it was quite a sum; and a copy of a ledger that showed all the payments I had made toward my debt, the final balance of debt showed zero.
I looked up at Mr. Martin blankly, "I didn't think I had been here long enough."
"I had the same reaction, that's why I checked the math three times. Seems that the extra you have been putting in from commisions added up fast, that one the other day ended your debt to me. I figured it would be best if we had a meeting, that check pays you through today. If you so wish we can part ways now. I will not be happy to see you go though. Regaurdless of how this arrangement came about it has been good having you here." He leveled a long look at me and I knew that he was expecting an answer.
"Thank you for the chance you gave me. Thank you for everything you have taught me. As good as it would be to stay I need to get back to full time at Tony's. I will never forget what you have done for me. You are a rare person Mr. Martin." With that he once again shook my hand and I left the store for the final time as an employee.
Life still seemed empty. Without Manny I still had nothing. I had heard all the cliches and tried to find comfort in them. I had my freedom at least but I lacked the woman that made it worth anything.
As winter deepened I decided that I needed to do something. It was that thought that led me to knock on a very particular door one evening in December.
"Jason?" The surprised voice of Mr. Santos greeted me when he opened the door. "What are you doing here? After what you did I am sure you can understand that our family wants nothing to do with you." He started to close the door on me and I reached out to stop it.
"Please Mr. S, I need to talk to you. Just give me a few minutes of your time. If after you have heard me out you still want nothing to do with me then I understand completely." I don't know if it was the sincerety of my words or the misery in my eyes but after a few moments he opened the door fully and waved me inside.
"We'll talk Jason. I can make no more promise than that."
I followed him inside and we sat at the dining room table. The flood of memories of sitting there across from him made me pause for a second. I had to take a breathe to calm myself before I could begin to tell him my story. I told him everything from start to finish. I did not try to hold anything back. I did not attempt to exagerate the good things that I had done, nor did I try to minimize my own short comings. "In the end what it comes down to is that I come here asking your permission to speak to Manuela, as her father I know you are not likely to grant me that chance but I had to try. I'll leave now if you wish."
As I started to get up he cast me a glare so I sat down again. Inexplicably he was smiling. "Stay Jason, have some tea, we'll talk more. You have given me a lot to think on."
We talked for quite a while and in the end I gained something I had not dared to hope for. Mr. Santos gave me his consent to try and make things right with his daughter. "You have grown up a bit Jason. Manuela could do much worse. I will not defend you to her or attempt to influence her in any way but if she chooses to take you back I will not be disappointed. Thank you for coming to speak with me. Manuela has her last Mid-term exam on Thursday then she will be coming home for break. Like I said I will not keep her from speaking to you."
"Thank you Mr. S, I hope I can mend this fence. I miss the time spent with you and Mrs. S, I hope we can have more time in the future." I left with a much lighter heart than I had come. As I drove home I could not help the smile that spread across my face. The next morning I called Tony and told him I was ducking out for a few days and then I packed a few things and headed to Smithdale University.
I checked the Drama department when I first arrived but luck was not with me. Manny had all ready had her drama final earlier in the week. I was walking through the quad trying to plan my next move when I saw the fimiliar form of Emma a few yards away.
"Emma!" I yelled out to her, catching her attention. To call the look on her face surprised would be a gross under statement. "Hear me out, please. I'm begging you." I said to her when I got near enoughto stop shouting.
"Wow, Jay Hogart begging, I never thought I would see the day. Why should I listen to you?"
"Because I am still in love with your best friend... and I'll buy you lunch."
"I guess I can spare a bit of time...and I am a bit hungry but you better have some pretty good things to say to justify my speaking to the enemy." I smiled a bit at that, if Emma was teasing then I had a chance. We settled into tables at one of the campus cafes, a place so simular to the Dot that I kept looking around for Spinner. Again I told my whole story leaving nothing out. I told her that I went to speak to Manny's father and that seemed to make her smile.
"That's quite a story. I am probably going to regret this but I'll tell you what. Manny gets out of her last exam in about half an hour. She said that she was going to head back to our room to pack. I'll let you in before she gets there and then it's up to you." I was so happy with what she had promised that I jumped up and hugged her, "Down boy! I'm just letting you in then I'm leaving, I don't want to be around when she fries you."
It was enough. We walked to the dorm and as promised Emma let me into their room. I was surprised to see four beds in there. She told me about their additional roomates and said not to worry because they both had another exam that would keep them away.
The passing minutes seemed to take hours as I sat at the desk and waited. Finally I was rewarded by the door opening and the woman of my dreams stepping into the room. "Jay?" she said faintly, "What are you doing here?" I smiled at the unconcious echo of her dad's words and once again found myself blocking a door. She tried to open the door and leave but I held it closed with an arm to either side of her.
"Please hear me out Manuela Santos." I said practically into her ear; and for the last time I told my story, praying all the while that it would be enough.