Author: Ren Kayashima

Genre: Humor

Rating: K

Disclaimer: Alas my top secret mission to steal the rights to Criminal Minds failed. At the last minute my repel line broke and I was arrested for trespassing on ABC ground. If you would like to help me with bail money…

0o0o0o0o

December 13, 2011

Spencer walked the isles of the Men's section of Macy's, looking at the expensive designer shirts and slacks. He was in desperate need of something new to wear when he went to Las Vegas to see his mother for the fast approaching holidays. He would be leaving D.C. a couple days before Christmas and he would be staying until the New Year came. He just wanted to have one outfit that his mother wouldn't claim to make him look "sickly" or "scrawny".

Reid paused and bent over to examine some of the expertly folded shirts. They were made of an expensive cotton, dyed to create a rainbow of colors on the shelves. He moved to the next set of shelves to look at equally priced brand. Why did there have to be so many?

A deep chuckle came from behind the genius. Spencer stood up all the way and turned quickly, almost like a kid caught with his hand in a cookie jar. He rubbed the palms of his hands down the front of his khakis and licked his lips nervously.

Derek Morgan walked through the clothing racks with a teasing grin and twinkle in his eye. "What brings you here, pretty boy?" he asked, biting back another chuckle.

Spencer looked around before focusing on Derek. "I'm looking for new clothes," Spencer answered. He waved a hand around with a bit of nonchalance, acting as if he went clothes shopping more than a couple times a year. He wore his clothes until they were falling apart, too stained, or too tattered, making shopping excursions rare and never very big.

Morgan gestured to the shelves Spencer stood by. "Don't get those," he said knowingly. He pointed towards the back wall. "Not even Oxy Clean works to remove stains, and don't even get me started on the stitching. Follow me."

Spencer furtively glanced around the store, making sure nobody was watching the two agents. Spencer followed carefully, twisting and turning around each rack. He gripped the strap of his brown leather satchel, wringing it so tightly he could hear the worn leather moan as it rubbed his hands.

Morgan was standing next to another set of expensive shirts. He held a dark grey colored button up dress shirt. "What's your sleeve length?" Morgan asked, keeping his eyes on the dress shirt's tag. He bit the inside of his cheek, contemplating the size. "Thirty-seven?"

"Thirty-five, thirty-six," Reid answered studying the wall of clothes. "Fifteen and a half for the neck." He walked over to the rack of black slacks and started looking for a pair that fit him.

Morgan put the dark grey dress shirt back down and picked up a pale blue shirt. He held it out for Reid. "Try this one with a pair of black pants."

Reid stared at the shirt for a moment before taking it. He took a sneak peek at the price before cringing. He wasn't sure if he wanted to spend that much on a dress shirt. The ones he had been looking at before were more his price range.

"The price is always worth it," Morgan said with a smile. "They last forever."

Spencer turned around and spotted a rack of some stylish sweater vests. He started for the rack only to halt to a stop when Morgan grabbed the strap of Spencer's bag. "Come on, Kid," Morgan chided. "No more sweater vests. We need to get you into something a little more Neal Caffrey, a little less Poindexter," Morgan chuckled at his own joke and pulled the genius towards a long rack of ties.

"Who's Neal Caffrey?" Spencer asked, stumbling along as he was pulled through the isle. He hissed quietly when his shoulder slightly grazed the top of one freestanding rack. Suddenly, he wondered if he could make it out of Macy's alive.

It was Derek's turn to jolt to a stop. Turning slowly, Morgan gaped at the genius as if he had grown a second head. "White Collar? TV heartthrob of all women between eighteen and thirty-five with a cable package? Conman turned CI?"

Spencer shook his head. None of this made any sense. "I don't watch too much TV," he said. He brightened up slightly. "Except reruns of Doctor Who on BBC America. Until they start showing new episodes again, that's all I really have."

Morgan shook his head as he blew out a sigh. "Of course you don't,' he muttered. "White Collar is just another one of those shows that creates a wile caricature of what it's really like at the FBI. Big guns, fancy uncover jobs, sexy female agents, and hidden motives." He spoke jokingly, snickering at the thought of the show's concept.

"Then why do you watch it?" Spencer asked as they came to a stop at the rack. If Morgan's tone was any sort of indicator, Spencer would say that Morgan didn't really like the show at all.

"I don't," Morgan answered. He started thumbing through some dark blue ties that looked a little too skinny for Spencer's liking. Morgan smiled, picking out a couple of patterns. "My mother does though."

"Oh," Spencer said shortly. He backed up when Morgan held up the ties near Spencer's neck. "What are you doing?" he asked eyeing Morgan with an air of suspicion.

Morgan ran a thumb over the silky fabric of the darkest tie. "I'm trying to figure out which one would work best. Navy or Royal?" he asked holding each one up to demonstrate the color choice.

"Umm… Navy?" Spencer asked, pointing to the lighter blue. At least he assumed that was a navy blue. He just thought it was blue.

Morgan nodded, deciding the Navy to be a clear winner in a silent debate of fashion. "Now wear these with one of those fancy dress vests you own, and you'll be a new man, Spencer Reid."

"How do you know about all this?" Spencer took the tie and draped it over the pale blue shirt. He liked the contrast of light and dark, and despite how thin the tie looked, he thought it wouldn't look too bad. All he had to do was pull out his dressier vests from the back of his closet, but he thought Morgan had some sort of idea of what to look for. He hadn't really disappointed either.

"Dress to impress," Morgan answered with a somewhat sad look in eyes. He let out a long breath and picked out some of ties for himself. "My dad taught me that when I was six, and I'll never forget it."

Spencer smiled, holding his items close. He almost wished that he had memories like that. He shook his head and turned towards the cash register. "Thanks," he said quietly.

Morgan followed suit and gripped his ties carefully. He didn't want to wrinkle them too much. "Any time, Kid," he replied. "Just try and wear those sweater vests a little less."

"But I like sweater vests."

0o0o0o0

Author's Note: Hey Everyone! As I'm preparing for a new school semester, I just thought I would get a couple of things out there. Also, fighting the little voice in my head to mention Gwen was an epic battle, so this is just a regular oneshot and not a oneshot for my Ibuprofen and Plasma Universe. This piece actually has a purpose… As you'll see below.

Quick Note: The nomination process for the Third Annual Profiler's Choice Awards are going on until the fifteenth of October. This is an awards show to honor your favorite Criminal Minds fanfics and the authors who write them. You can find the nomination ballot on the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum here on the site. Check it out! Show your favorite stories some love by nominating them for one of the 50 awards available.

Don't forget to leave me a review.

Ren