Softly Awaken
*****
Much dreaming and many words are meaningless
Ecc. 5:7
*****
Jing Mei had just finished her rounds for the evening and strolled towards the L. A lot had happened in the past few weeks. Carter and Abby had finally become an 'item' and again the ER was getting an overhaul in doctors. There were so many personnel changes, Jing Mei wondered if it wasn't a merry-go-round instead of a hospital.
The changes were unwittingly getting to her. Jing Mei had been losing sleep and having a hard time focusing. It surprised Jing Mei how much seeing Carter and Abby's public displays of affection irritated her. Jing Mei just chalked it up to the fact that she had one less friend, but it seemed to be more than that.
Jing Mei slumped against the window seat of a deserted L train. The more she tried to explain it away, the less satisfied Jing Mei was with the answer. It had even gotten to the point where Jing Mei found herself imagining a conversation with John about all of it.
Jing Mei rubbed her creased forehead. Who are you kidding? You don't even see your best friend anymore. If that's what he is.
*****
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires
Ecc. 5:7
*****
John had been on cloud nine for the past couple of weeks. Ever since he and Abby kissed in the trauma room, things had seemed to be going his way. He was even able to put up with Dr. 'Enema' Pratt. John didn't see how anything could go wrong.
"Hey John!" Abby called.
John slinked behind the nurse's station. "Yeah, what's up?" John smiled. It was all he could do to keep his hands off his girlfriend. Girlfriend. That had been a word he'd been waiting to say, a long time and coming.
"Are you still up for supper?" Abby smiled, tugging on his lab coat.
John nodded. "Definitely," he replied, sneaking a quick kiss.
Abby wagged her finger. "John, bad! Save that for tonight."
John watched Abby walk down the hallway. He scratched his head and went to exam 2. John was sure he had a big grin plastered on his face.
~~~
As John was grabbing his stuff from his locker, Luka walked into the staff room. There was an awkward silence. Luka had been unusually quiet in the light of Carter and Abby's new relationship. "Hey," John mumbled, hoping to get out of there as quickly as possible.
Luka nodded as he stripped off his coat. "Hey Carter," Luka mumbled.
John looked up at the dark Croatian doctor. "Yeah?"
"Is Abby still drinking?" Luka inquired.
John looked up at him suspiciously. "Not that I know of. She's stopped since we've been dating. Why?"
Luka seemed to debate whether or not to continue on. "Well, I was re-thinking what you were saying, and I agree that she has a problem."
John frowned. "Great. But what does this matter now? I just told you she isn't drinking anymore," John explained.
Luka slipped on his lab coat and sighed. "Well I was looking into AA and have been asking around and I don't think she has."
John was astonished. "Where do you get off? Huh? Just because you're jealous that I'm dating Abby now and that she's happy enough not to need a drink, you have to stick your nose in it all? Where were you when she was drinking at your apartment?" John shouted.
Luka shook his head. "That's not what I'm doing," Luka denied, slipping his stethoscope around his neck. "I mean, isn't this…well, you know, addiction, well a disease?"
John rubbed his neck. "Yeah so?" John replied angrily.
"So doesn't her drinking, have nothing to do with her being happy? It's an addiction right?" Luka challenged.
John glared at the pathetic ex. John shrugged. "And?"
"And," Luka continued, "So just because she's 'happy' in her relationship with you, it doesn't mean it's a reason for her to stop! I mean, she thinks it's under control and can stop at anytime. She doesn't think it's a problem. Just like you said."
John had had just about enough of the 'Abby analysis'. "Get to the point!" John sighed, slinging his bag over his shoulder.
"I'm saying that you were right. And she needs someone to talk to her about it. She needs a friend!" Luka cried out exasperated.
John shook his head incredulously. "And you're that friend? Give it up Luka. I almost bought it. But she dropped your sorry butt. Get over it!"
And John stalked out of the room without listening to another word from the arrogant doctor.
~~~
Abby snuggled close to John, as they lay on her apartment couch after horrible Chinese takeout. John suggested Doc Magoo's, but Abby craved Chinese. Even though it was horrible food, John was still happy to have Abby finally in his arms.
"Abby," John whispered.
"Hmmm?" Abby mumbled, lifting her head from his chest.
"You've stopped drinking right?" John asked non-chalantly.
Abby frowned. "Why are you asking?"
Abby pulled herself from his arms and sat up. John followed suit and cleared his throat. "Well, I got thinking that the kiss happened and then we got together, you know and we didn't sort out the whole drinking thing."
John was reluctant about the whole subject, but what Luka has said had been bugging him the whole night. Luka was wrong. Abby was fine. Now that she realized whom she belonged with.
"My drinking? Come on John. Have you seen me drinking?" Abby asked incredulously.
John slowly shook his head. "No," John replied. "But Abby, you were drinking for a reason and as an addict, we just don't stop when we want to."
Abby seemed quite put off, despite the smile that ingratiated her face. "It's different for me John. I mean drugs are a whole different ball game if you ask me. Besides, I drank one or two beers a few weeks ago. I was dealing with a lot of stress."
John didn't like the sounds of what he was hearing. "And I'm with you now John. I'm happier than I've ever been. The stress is gone and I don't need a drink," Abby chided, kissing John on the lips.
John pulled away. "You know as well as I do what AA has to say about that," John responded stiffly.
"Oh John, stop it," Abby laughed. "Why are you worrying so much? I haven't taken a drink since I've been at Luka's. Maybe he was the reason."
John reeled from that comment. He didn't like Luka or the fact that he hadn't stopped Abby from drinking, but he was not the reason Abby drank. John began to protest, when Abby began nibbling on his earlobe. John began to melt as Abby plied him with kisses. "You promise you've been clean since we kissed?" John asked.
Abby smiled slyly. "Yes John. Stop being such a Mom and kiss me!" Abby laughed and pulled him into a deep kiss.
John's mind was overwhelmed by his need for Abby. His want for her pushed Luka's objections straight out of his mind.
He was just jealous! That's all! It was Carter and Abby's time. They were right for each other.
~~~
Abby hummed down the hallway when she ran into Luka. "Sorry," Abby laughed.
Luka looked at the joyful Abby and shook his head, intending to walk away.
"Hey," Abby smiled, grabbing his elbow. "Is something wrong?"
Luka looked at this woman who'd lied to him, or at least hadn't told him the truth about his drinking. Now it was too late to say anything. Or was it?
"Abby, you've got to talk to your sponsor, or someone!" Luka pleaded.
Abby was taken aback. "What?" she scoffed, looking around to see if anyone had heard him.
"You heard me!" Luka exclaimed. "You need help."
Abby tilted her head and laughed. "You're joking right? I mean, you helped me tell John about this not being a problem."
Luka shook his head. "Abby, I've read up on alcoholism. I know a little more than I did before. And I have to say John is right. It's not all right for you to just have one drink. And you know it."
Abby bit her lip and shook her head. "Give me a break. I'm fine. And I'm not drinking."
Luka rubbed the back of his neck. How was he supposed to get through to her? "Abby, I care for you. And speaking to a lot of AA people has made me realize that you're not okay."
Clearing her throat, Abby sighed. "Whatever Luka. If you're upset with me for some reason, you don't have to throw drinking in my face."
Luka grabbed hold of her shoulders. "I'm not doing this to hurt you. Don't you realize that? I love you Abby and it's taken John to make me realize how much and I can't watch you lie to yourself and self-destruct. You've gotten through so much already. And now you're just going to hurt yourself after all of that?"
Abby pulled away. "Don't! You're so…so," Abby was at a loss for words. "Just leave it Luka. I'm fine."
He felt frustrated and helpless; a feeling not exactly new to him. "No Abby," Luka whispered. "Not this time."
~~~
Jing Mei ran into Abby during the middle of her shift. Actually it was Luka and Abby and they seemed to be arguing. Luka walked away from Abby and she was left standing in the middle of the corridor.
"Abby, are you all right?" Jing Mei asked.
Abby seemed startled and then recovered quickly with a smile. "Uh, yeah…no. I'll be fine."
Jing Mei looked at her skeptically. "Okay," Jing Mei drawled.
Abby looked at her watch. "I've got to get upstairs. OB needs help today. Excuse me," Abby sputtered as she walked in the opposite direction than Luka.
"Uh, bye?" Jing Mei scoffed.
***
"Hey John!" Jing Mei called as she came down the stairs.
John looked over to see Jing Mei come down the stairs. "Yeah, what's up Deb?"
Jing Mei walked along side John as he began heading towards the nurse's station. "Is there something wrong with Abby today?"
John frowned and shook his head. "No. Why?"
Jing Mei bit her lip. She probably shouldn't mention it. "I shouldn't probably butt in, but I just saw her with Luka and they were arguing and then afterwards she seemed distracted," Jing Mei explained.
John shook his head. "Oh," he sighed. Then John seemed equally upset and distracted.
"John? What's going on?"
John scratched his head and seemed hesitant to say anything. After a minute, John pulled Jing Mei aside. "Do you promise not to say anything?"
Jing Mei nodded. With that promise, John grabbed a chart and began walking down the hallway. "Luka's been hassling Abby and me."
Jing Mei frowned. "Are you joking? I can't believe he'd bring that to the ER."
John shook his head. "No, not about me and Abby."
Jing Mei was confused. "Then about what?" she asked.
They stopped in front of trauma 2. John checked for staff, but it was empty. "Abby's been drinking," John explained as he motioned her to follow him.
"So?" Jing Mei shrugged. "What's the big deal?"
John swallowed. "Abby's an alcoholic."
Jing Mei felt her eyes widen in acknowledgement. "Oh."
John nodded his head. "Yeah oh," he sighed, running his hand through his hair. "I found out she'd been drinking when she was staying at Luka's. And so I ragged on him about doing something about it, but Luka didn't see it as a problem and neither did Abby."
"So you two are planning to intervene now?" Jing Mei inquired.
The whole situation surprised Jing Mei. She'd always thought about Abby as a strong woman, especially after watching her go through her mother's manic depression.
John shook his head. "No. See Abby's stopped drinking."
"Really?" Jing Mei said happily. "How? Did you talk to her, or her AA sponsor?"
John shook his head again. "No. She just seemed to stop, which is where Luka has a problem."
Jing Mei nodded. "Yeah, what?"
"Well Luka thinks 'a friend' should talk to her about it."
Jing Mei didn't see the problem. "So find someone to talk to her about it. Or maybe you could?" Jing Mei suggested.
"Well, I don't think she needs it. We've sort of talked about it, and she's fine. She hasn't had a drink since the small pox incident. Besides, Luka even said she would ever only drink one or two beers," John explained.
Jing Mei laughed. "John you know it doesn't work like that. She's an addict. Addicts don't just take one drink."
John pursed his lips and smiled. "It's not like that. Anyway, Luka just wants an excuse to break us up. He's jealous!" John retorted.
Jing Mei shook her head this time. "What a load of crap! John, Luka is not doing that!"
"And you're so sure?" John exclaimed.
Jing Mei couldn't believe John was in denial about all of it. "Yes John. Luka cares for Abby and it sounds like you convinced him there was a problem."
"But there isn't one anymore. She was stressed out and took a drink. But now she's happy and isn't."
"John," Jing Mei sighed. "Are you so sure? Or are you just running scared that there is a problem and that dating you is a product of her problem?"
John was stunned. Jing Mei felt like she should regret saying it but truthfully, it made her feel better. "I think she should talk to her sponsor, or someone. And I'm not saying that because I'm jealous," Jing Mei stated.
He stepped back from Jing Mei. "I'd better go check on this patient," John mumbled.
"John think about it. I'm not saying it's true. Maybe you and Abby…belong together." The words left a bad taste in her mouth. "But shouldn't you talk to her about this. John…you know it's never one drink."
John nodded and left the trauma room. Jing Mei prayed John would realize it was the right thing to do. This relationship wasn't worth Abby destroying her life and career, nor John's.