Squid cries...every night.
Every. Fucking. Night.
He thinks we are all asleep.
Everyone tries to fall asleep as fast as they can so they don't have to put up with Armpit's snoring all day night.
Have you ever stood about a few feet away from a chainsaw as it was on?
Yeah, that's Armpit's snoring.
Anyway, he thinks we are sleeping. It's sometime around midnight every night when we can hear the muffled cries from his cot.
No one ever does anything about it. Squid doesn't have anything if not his pride. We knew for sure that if we tried to talk to him about it, if we told him we could hear him cry at night...every ounce of pride that he has will be gone.
We were so suprised the first time we ever heard him crying. Squid is a tough guy you see. We all thought he was some ruthless bad ass. That first night we heard those sobs coming from him...we realized he was just trying to put on a tough guy act.
He's my best friend. I cannot even stress to you how hard it is not just to get up and walk over to his bed and tell him that everything will be okay and not to cry anymore. I have to restrain myself from doing it every night.
The new guy, Caveman. We warned him as soon as he joined D-Tent.
"If you wake up at night and hear somebody crying, don't you do anything. Mind your own buisness and go back to sleep." X-Ray had told him.
"Who...would be crying?" Caveman asked.
We all turned our heads and looked at Squid as he was passing by. Heading to the showers I assumed.
"Him...Squid." Magnet sighed.
"Listen, if you hear him crying then just ignore it. Got it!" X-Ray snapped.
Caveman...who was Stanley at the time..nodded.
One night, in the wreck room, D-Tent had a conversation after Squid left to go back to the tent.
"Maybe it's cause his father left him when he was little. I think they were pretty close." Magnet had said.
"I'm sure the fact that his ma' is an abusive alcoholic has something to do with it too." I commented.
"It really isn't any of our buisness." Zero said.
All of our heads snapped up.
Zero doesn't really talk much. So if he had the balls to say anything about this topic, he must feel pretty damn strong about it.
But he's right. It isn't our buisness.
"They're just concerned, man." Caveman said to him.
We all thought it was a good idea to just let it go. We didn't want to upset him by talking to him about it. We figured it would just piss him off that we knew his little secret. That he would yell at us and say something along the lines of...
"Piss off!"
Yeah, that sounds like Squid.
Little did we know, we were wrong. So very wrong.
All that boy wanted was somebody who cares.
I figured that out one night.
The cries were louder, he was practically screaming into his pillow. Of coarse, if you were already asleep then it wouldn't wake you up because his screams were muffled by the pillow. But the fact that we were all awake...we could hear it.
I looked over at X-Ray who was staring at me with a pained expression written on his face.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I stood up and slowly made my way over to his bed.
X-Ray shot up in his bed.
"What are you doing?" He whispered as quietly as he could. I leaned over and got face to face with him.
"Just act like you're still sleeping." I whispered back. "I'm sure he doesn't want to know that the entire tent is awake listening to him cry."
Ususally, X-Ray gives the orders around here. But he nodded at what I told him and lay back down on his cot.
I made my way over to Squid. What I saw was absolutely heart breaking.
His face was half burried in his pillow and his eyes were squeezed shut and fresh tears trailed down his face. His mouth was wide open as he cried. He was crying so hard that no noise was coming out. He was gasping for air. His hands were clenched onto his pillow for life and his legs were shaking.
I was starting to regret walking over here.
What if I try to comfort him and he screams at me to go away? What if he gets embarrassed that I caught him in the act of crying his heart out?
I have to try.
I knealed down in front of him. He had not realized that I was there yet, but he has his hand covering his eyes and he sobbed.
I slowly grabbed a hold of his hand and moved it away from his face. He stared at me wide eyed.
I ran my hand through his chocolate brown hair.
"Hey Squidly," I whispered. He stared at me with those glossy eyes. "It's okay, everything is going to be okay."
He looked as if he didn't know what to say. I thought he was about to get angry any minute now. I braced myself for it.
"Ziggy." He said, weakly. I cupped his face with my hand and stroked it with my thumb.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I...I..." He choked on his own words. He began crying even harder. "I..."
"I know." I whispered and pulled him into a hug. Though, I had no idea what it was he was going to say, I just know that he is in pain right now.
It's what he needed. We were all wrong this entire time. He didn't want people to leave him alone. He cried at night hoping someone would hear him and comfort him. The truth is out now. He needs love just like everyone else in the world does. He needed comfort this entire time and we never did it, in fear that he would be mad at us.
I suddenly felt like the biggest asshole in the world right now.
"I'm scaaaaared." He cried into my neck.
"What? Why are you scared?" I asked him.
"N-no one...wants m-me." He studdered. "Where am I going to go after this? On the streets?"
"No! I want you." I said bluntly. I got a few looks from D-Tent.
I didn't care at this point.
"I want you so badly." I whispered in his ear. "You are coming with me."
He slowly pulled away and looked me in the eye. He had stopped crying and there were just tear stains on his face.
"No one has ever said that to me before." He said softly.
"I want you." I repeated. A few fresh tears escaped his eyes.
"You've always had me, Zig." He cried.
Fuck my life!
"I'm sorry...I didn't realize that...you." I couldn't finish. I felt like shit.
I leaned forward and kissed away his tears.
"Man, this is more emotional than Titanic." We heard Armpit mumble.
Everyone snapped up and looked at him. We didn'r realize that his snoring had stopped. Then Squid realized that they had all been listening, that everyone knew he was crying.
I was waiting for it. Waiting for the rage to came out. He opened his mouth and I winced.
"In all honesty...I haven't cried like this since Titanic." He told Armpit.
The entire tent busted out in laughter, Squid included.
I laughed and pulled him into another hug.
As soon as everyone calmed down they fell back asleep. Squid lifted up the blanket for me to crawl in next to him. I did and pulled him next to me.
Before I fell asleep, the last thing I remembered was leaning forward and placing my lips on the boy's next to me.