Genuine Apparitions
Rating: PG
Category: POV (Obi-Wan), very mild angst, extreme pre-slash
Setting: Sometime during Obi-Wan's apprenticeship to Qui-Gon
Summary: Musings by Obi-Wan about a certain master
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Contains VERY MILD connotations to a possible m/m relationship, but there is absolutely nothing blatant nor graphic. If you are squicked by even the tiniest hint of pre-slash, do not read!
Feedback: Yes, please! I don't think this was particularly well written, but I had nowhere else to go with it. sleeperdown@yahoo.com
Website: http://www.dreamwater.net/pottedcactus/erjika
Archive: Where ever is fine, but if you let me know, I'll be happier!
Disclaimer: Don't own em, no moolah for moi.
Series note: bowing down to etcetera is a series of stories based on e.e. cummings poems. They deal with a wide variety of subjects, but most will be based on romance. The complete poem will be either at the top, at the end, or interspersed in the story.
it is at moments after i have dreamed
with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
the genuine apparition of your smile
moments when my once more illustrious arms
one pierced moment whiter than the rest
-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when(being fool to fancy)i have deemed
at moments when the glassy darkness holds
(it was through tears always)and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;
are filled with fascination,when my breast
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:
i watch the roses of the day grow deep.
He is smiling at me.
It is a sad sort of smile, the one I usually see if he is reminded of something melancholy. I love him, Force how I love him, but I hate seeing that smile. It always means he's burying his pain, and I am at loathe to have him do that. I want to share his pain, share his burden, but I'm far too shy to reach out.
But there is a hint of happiness there, too. So solemn, yet a glint of joy in his eyes. Perhaps all has not gone to waste. Perhaps he is getting over some agony of the past, living in the moment as he is forever telling me to do.
Such a bittersweet smile, and then it hits me that this is for me and me alone. No one else. No one but me, he shows this to no one but me. The one with the first right to his heart.
Could it be true? Is it even possible for him to love a hopeless padawan like me? As more than just a student? Is that a promise I see in his eyes? I hope, I hope so much, but I'm so afraid. So afraid to ask, to even try.
Those summer blue eyes glisten. Tears of joy? Sorrow? Love? Oh Master, please tell me. I take a deep breath, gathering enough courage to finally ask, knowing he would not, could not, reject me from ever doing this...
Waking up, my eyes open and I stare at the ceiling. Why must fantasies be so perfect? There is no way it could happen in real life, even if the Force was on my side. His smiles may be sad or joyful, but never what I want them to be. His beautiful eyes reflect kindness, anger, sorrow, even fondness, but never love.
Never.
I sigh.
~finis~