Author's Notes: Okay…this is kinda one of those millions of alternate universes that all of us authors like to make up. Umm, it's well…hmmm…how should I say this…it deals mostly with the actors and actresses of the TV show world-and it also has Zoey and Evita in it..so…just read it, and go along with the whole thing..cuz it's REALLY hard to explain. And thank you Raiden and PhantomCat50 for making me whatch hours and hours of those disturbing singing and dancing people who think they're cats.
Disclaimer: Let's see what isn't mine…well, there's Angel and Buffy and the whole CATS thing. They belong to Mutant Enemy, Joss (who is not God), Fox and the WB..and I really don't what CATS belongs to, but, if you're out there, and you do-well, it's yours!
^ ^
Cordelia opened the blinds with her index and middle fingers; peered inside, and drew back with an unsatisfied look on her face. " He's depressed." She concluded.
" When is he not? " Zoey and Evita said at the same time. They then glared at each other, disgusted and a low growl came from Evita's throat as well as Zoey's.
The four employees of Angel Investigations stood in their office; Doyle sat at the computer, Zoey and Evita stood at opposite sides of the room, and Cordelia made her space by the small blind that separated them from Angel's office. As usual, they were doing…well..nothing, except spying on Angel (Zoey thought it was the most legitimate thing to do at the moment).
" When he's got a smile on his face and a song in his heart…that's when you need to worry." Zoey said.
" Well, duh. That means he's 'Grr'" Cordy demonstrated by baring her teeth and making claws of her hands.
" Are y' sure he's depressed? Last time we thought he was depressed we burst in his office tellin' him not to kill himself; when he was really just levelin' his desk." Doyle commented, as his face glowed a light blue from the computer monitor.
" True. But we can't just barge in and say 'Hey Boss? Are you depressed?'" Evita said.
" Yes we can!" Zoey's eyes lit up as she jogged up to the door to Angel's office. She swung the door open and cheerfully said," Hey Angel! Are you more angsty then you usually are?"
The Co-Workers waited for the response, and Zoey slowly backed away from doorway as Angel emerged. His frown seemed...somehow...more frowny and his face seemed to be swallowed in a cloud of doom. In other words: Angel looked normal.
The vampire looked from face to face and then spoke, "Where's Whesly?"
Cordelia burst out laughing. "Oh, don't worry about him." She straightened and put on her Dr. Laura face, "But tell me…are you alright?"
Angel walked over to the coffee pot; he picked it up and spoke, gesturing with it here and there, "It's..I don't know…you know?" He looked for inspiration in the other's faces.
They stared at the tall vampire blankly. Evita blinked.
" I guess…I need a change…from all this," he finally said.
" You mean…a vacation?" Zoey suggested, putting on her innocent face.
" A vacation! That's exactly what we need!" Cordy said briskly," I think we should all go on a Hawaiian cruise."
"Zoey and I would burst into flames." Angel deadpanned.
" I like that idea…" Evita said, smirking at Zoey.
Zoey responded by sticking her tongue out at the immortal.
" No, no, no." Doyle said," I think what Angel's tryin' to say is maybe we need a little…change of occupation…"
The rest of the group stared at him, and Angel spoke up," Glenn…that's not your line."
The Irish man got a funny look on his face. "Really? It isn't? I was so sure…" He opened a drawer from the desk he sat at, and pulled out a bunch of papers. As so did the rest of the group, finding the wad in other places such as behind the coffeepot, in the flowerpot and in the trashcan.
"See!" Charisma shouted triumphantly, "Right here…Laurel's supposed to say, 'I like that idea' and…ALEXIS!!! Is supposed to come up from the elevator."
" Huh? I did what?" Alexis said, peering around the edge of the set with a cup of coffee in his hand.
" You're supposed to be in the elevator."
" Oh, okay. I'll do that now," He said, making his way towards the elevator.
" No no no. Just, everyone stop!" David B. said, and everyone followed. " Joss! David!"
Two men made their way onto the set, making their way through the masses of cameramen like twin Moses' parting the Red Sea. One sported curly blonde hair, known worldwide as the creator of Buffy and Angel. Some fans of the two shows had gone so far as to hail him as a god, but…. fortunately, the cast did not share that view. The man next to Joss was David Greenwalt…and sadly, he was quite outshone by Joss' aura. Although he was largely responsible for Angel, no one ever seemed to pay much attention to him.
"What is it now?" Joss said tiredly, as David G. looked on in annoyance.
"We need to have a meeting"
~*~*~
" And we all say: Oh!
Well I never!
Was there ever
A cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Mistoffles!!" Tugger sang, his rock-star's voice filling the theatre.
Suddenly, the lights brightened and focused on the large tire in the center of the junkyard. A small, sparkling black figure ran up and jumped off of it, performing a split in mid-air. He touched the ground with feline grace as he said "Presto!" with a smile the people at Crest would be proud of.
All the other cats of the junkyard filled in, doing their own dance routines to the sound of the music. Little did they know; Misto was still kneeling on the ground with a frown settled across his face. " Wait, wait, wait!" he said, trying best he could over the music and dancing.
They all ignored him; Tugger was still ringing out lyrics about the magical cat and 'Teaser and Bomba were doing some experimental arabesques. That made Misto even more angry, he stood up and walked up and onto the tire prop again.
He towered above the dancing and singing cats and got slightly dizzy. "STOP!" Misto yelled. This time, everybody heard him; the orchestra had stopped playing (except for the tuba, who was still playing along, but realized a few seconds later and stopped), and all the cats turned and stared at the short man in a black leotard perched on the tire prop.
Jacob grabbed his forehead as if he had a terrible headache," Thank you…Thank you."
Jo G. yelled out from the crowd of actors/dancers, still in the cockney accent, "Wha' do ya think yer doin'?" Once she realized that she was still in character, she cleared her throat and spoke again, " I mean…What are you doing?"
Jacob shook his head and got the 'I don't know' expression on his face, "I don't know….just, don't you guys ever get tired of this? I mean, I do the same stupid dance, the same stupid 'presto' thing, doesn't it just get tiring? I mean, the only person that gets to spice up their routine is the Rum Tum Tugger, and that's because no one knows what he's saying anyway!"
Michael held up his finger and broke out in song with the same rhythm as Of the Awful Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles:
"Don't you ever get tired of these
Simple old songs and this;
Stupid dance…jeese….
Oh, and don't you forget that presto thingie!
Now on the occasion of which I shall speak
Misto was tired for nearly a week.
No longer did he want to dance or to leap-"
Michael stopped when he saw that everyone was staring at him. He shrugged, "Hey, I think I'm a good song writer." he announced.
Susan raised her hand, which was covered in a white mitten," Don't quit your day job, dear."
Phyllida looked at her watch," Day job? But it's nearly seven o'clock."
Susan sighed and walked off stage towards her dressing room, not forgetting to grab her oversized coat from where it lay beside the pseydo-car. The crowd's attention turned to Jason once again.
John P. took off his ruff and threw it off stage, "So you're bored; what do you want us to do about it?"
The conversation was interrupted by the cello in the orchestra pit. "Hey, are you guys gonna be awhile? 'Cause if you are...we wanna break for M&M's."
"And coffee!!" the bass yelled.
"Yeah," a French horn confirmed.
"Yeah, go ahead. It looks alike this might be awhile," Femi said.
"M&M's!!" the orchestra yelled as they bustled out the doors of the auditorium.
Jacob tapped his foot. "Ahem…good. Now, back to the situation; maybe we...as a cast…should take a bit of a break. Go on an adventure. It could be fun! In the Amazon…maybe the Everglades…"
The double doors opened and none other but Andrew Lloyd Webber walked in. " What's happing?" he demanded, walking onto the middle of the stage like he owned it, which he pretty much did. "I just saw the orchestra out in the hallway fighting over the M&M snack machine."
Jacob jumped down from the tire," We need to have a meeting."
~*~*~
The hallway on the second floor of Warner Brother's Studio was a sight. It was filled with approximately 28 people. 20 of those were dressed in leotards and wigs of fluffy fur/hair, while the rest were dressed in more dark colors.
It seemed that a virus of..well..boredom had gone through the entertainment business. First the cast of Angel, then the people of CATS. It was unreal; some how, someone had contacted someone else…and suddenly Joss Wheadon, David Greenwalt and Andrew Lloyd Webber were in the meeting room discussing the current situation.
" Uuuur! What could be taking so long?" Charisma muttered in frustration as she leaned against the wall.
" Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored." Katy said, still in her vamp make-up. The meeting was called right away; leaving the CATS people still in costume as well as the Angel people.
" Maybe they're taking a lunch break." Jo G. said, playing with the fuzzy ears that sat on her head.
" And they didn't tell us? Oh, now that's just plain rude." The female oracle said. Nobody knew her name as well as the male Oracle's…to know their real names was like knowing one of the great mysteries of life.
Suddenly, everyone's attention was diverted down the hallway. There, the forms of 8 people could vaguely be seen. As the shapes neared, it could be seen that the person leading the group had waist length blonde hair and crimson leather pants.
" Could it be?" Jason said; repeating his line that he says right before Old Deuteronomy enters.
The other CATS followed in Jason's joke as they harmonized four words," Buffy: The Vampire Slayer…"
" Sarah!" David yelled, as he held out his arms.
" David!" Sarah yelled back, as they hugged briefly.
" Long time, no see huh?" David said smiling-something his character would never attempt to do.
" Yeah. We need to get together..do another cross-over..it'll be fun." Sarah said, looking at the rest of the Angel cast.
Slowly, but surely, the rest of the Buffy cast caught up with Buffy, it seemed, that they too, came right off the set…Willow and Tara were still wearing long skirts, Spike was still in vamp make-up, and Riley was still in initive clothing.
Then, from behind the group a bouncy girl between the ages of 10 and 15 bounced her way in front of Laurel and Katy. " Hi guys!" The girl said cheerfully as she chewed on some gum in a ditzy fashion.
" Hello Michelle." Laurel and Katy said as they gritted their teeth on every syablle, trying to keep their composure instead of driving the stake prop that Laurel held into Michelle's chest, to expose her as the true demon she was.
But, on the other hand; to Michelle, Laurel and Katy were her best friends since they were all about the same age. It was a factor Katy and Laurel regretted terribly.
" Cool! You're still in vamp make-up? That's soooo neat! We're all like still in character! How about we call each other our character names! Whadda say…Zoey?" Michelle said to Katy.
" That would be…" Katy trailed off.
" Wonderful! …Dawn!" Laurel finished, gritting her teeth together.
" Cool!" She said clapping her hands together exuberantly, it was disgusting.
The attention turned to Buffy, who stood in the circle of people, vampires and cats, "…so, James is poised over Marc's throat, and Joss is at the edge of his director's seat…all of the sudden James looks up and straight into the camera and says-"
" Do my fangs make me look fat? Cuz I think they make me look fat." The whole cast of Buffy laughed as well as everyone else in the room.
" I wish stuff like that would happen to us." Phyidilla said pouting.
"Well, there was that time when John P. slipped off the top of the stage during his entrance and slid down it, but instead of screaming he gave a out a loud 'MEOW!'" Michael said.
" That wasn't funny…." John P. said.
" Oh, but it was…" Jacob said keeling over with laughter.
" I wouldn't be talking shorty….remember that time when-" John P. said.
" You wouldn't…." Jacob said, mortified.
" I would…." John P. mocked.
" Well, it couldn't have been as funny as the time when it took 50 takes and 3 hours to film Katy sticking a log through David's torso. They got a case of the giggles while they were in vamp face as Laurel kept yelling 'Angel's a shish-kabob' off the set." Glenn said as he rolled his eyes.
" That wasn't funny, that was sad." Nick said, who happened to be guest staring that day.
Suddenly silence swept over the group as they all heard the sound of a doorknob twisting. The door of the meeting room opened and three of the biggest creators of the 21st century walked out.
" Well…" Sarah said impatiently.
" We've been waiting here for about an hour, I think it's a little rude." Susan said.
" Well, we've thought some things over..and decided that you were right."
" Finally." Alyson said rolling her eyes.
" Yeah, and we've got to talk about this over lunch…so, we'll be back. You guys..uh..go in the meeting room and get to know one another." ALW said.
~*~*~
" So…." Michael said breathlessly.
" You guys own a TV, right?" David said.
All the cats nodded in agreement, their ears bobbed up and down as they did so.
" Then there's no reason for us to explain ourselves." Charisma said.
" And you guys are rich…right?" Jo G. said.
All the people part of Joss's life creation looked down at the wooden table. Some coughed. And some just stared at other parts in the room, totally ignoring the question.
"Oookay, well, you've all seen CATS, right?" Jacob asked.
Every human-or demonic in this case-face nodded in agreement.
Then there was a long pause between the groups. Nobody spoke, just pure silence. Dust could even be heard as well as the growth of fingernails.
" Oh, cheese." Laurel said outloud, in frustration.
" Oh, please do not start with that again…" Mr. Head said tiredly as he took off his glasses and rubbed his forehead.
" Cheese?" Ken P. asked with a funny look on his face," It might have made more sense if we were MICE, but, obviously we're..not."
" Ever since the season finale of Buffy aired, those two (he pointed at Katy and Laurel) have been going on and about the Man with the Cheese. I, frankly, don't get it." Glenn said.
" You don't see the humor in it?" Katy asked sadly," How many times do you hear a guy say 'Not even the cheese will help you'?"
" Today actually…at the market...Interesting conversation actually-" Sarah stood up quickly and cut Glenn off.
" The Man with the Cheese! You all remember the man with the Cheese don't you?" She said angrily as she pointed at everyone with her finger. " And did anyone wonder where all the doughnuts went that day?"
" Huh, not even the jelly was left" Amber said mostly to herself.
" And did anyone care to wonder why the Man with the Cheese had sticky fingers? It was because the Man with the Cheese ate all the doughnuts!!" She yelled.
All the people dressed in leotards looked at Jacob, who had the most uncomfortable look on his face. " I think we've had our own problems with doughnuts." The cat dressed as Exotica said sternly, not taking her eyes off the man dressed in black from the tip of his ears to the tip of his tail.
" Could we possibly get off the topic of doughnuts?" Elaine said quietly.
" Yeah, well you wanna talk about guest stars…you guys remember..Jeremy Renner?" David said as he shuddered as did Glenn, Alexis, Caroms and Laurel.
" The guy who played Penn? He was an obnoxious brat..and he drank off the last of the coffee!" Alexis said.
" Hey!" Katy yelled defensively," I liked him!"
Laurel shot her a look," Oh, you would."
" Yeah…so, what kind of Hell do you suppose Joss and Andrew'll put us through?" Jacob asked.
" One that only they would think of?" Charisma said raising her eyebrows slightly.
" We've gotta get better contracts." The male Oracle spoke up "my character died, and I don't even know why I'm on the set anymore."
" At least your character had dynamics..I've been playing a redemtionous vampire that goes evil only once a year for 5 years straight…do you know how boring that can get?" David asked.
" Don't say that!" Katy yelled at him." Yeah, you'll jinx our careers!"
" You could always come on Buffy again." Michelle (who had been quiet for all this time) said.
" I dunno, Buffy's getting kinda bad this year.." Sarah said.
" Yeah, it was much better with Seth." Alyson sighed.
" Now that was one great actor." Laurel said with almost tears in her eyes.
" Seth needs to come back." Tara said.
" Seth! Come back!" All the people of Buffy moaned.
A small figuare appeared in the doorway, which shadowed the room, " Hi all." The figure said quietly.
" Seth!" Everyone who knew what they were talking about yelled.
" That was kinda cool…" The cat playing Bomba said.
" Yeah, now..uh..Seth, go away." Michelle said, Laurel now shot her a look that looked like she was going to tear her throat out.
"Okay, bye." Seth said and he turned and walked away.
" No!" Sarah said, " Seth come back!"
The figure returned, " Hi..again."
" That was majorlly cool." Bomba said again with a small bob of her head.
The group's attention was (::sigh:: once again) diverted to the end of the table where Laurel, Katy and Michelle sat. In Katy's hands were her and Angel's action figure; she walked them across the small with of the table towards Laurel and Michelle. Laurel held the small action figure of Scott Evil also known as an improvised Oz as Michelle held her own figure.
" Hello Oz!" Katy said making her Zoey figure bounce up and down.
" Hello Zoey!" Laurel said making Scott Evil bob up and down.
Suddenly the Zoey and Scott Evil figures turned to the other figure Katy held; Angel, " Hello Angel!" Then, the three figures turned to Michelle's character," Hello..Dawn" They said slowly, not showing their hate.
Katy then threw her Zoey figure behind her and drew out another one: Vamp Zoey. It looked exactly like Katy…minus the hard plastic flowing cape. Katy took the Vamp Zoey figure and raised it's arm over Scott Evil's head and slammed it down," Bam! Bam! Bam!" She said.
" NEGITIVE STIMULATION!!!!!" Laurel and Katy said in unison.
Laurel then chucked the Scott Evil character behind her back and brought the small figurine of a dog," Oh no! I'm turning into a werewolf!" Laurel cried," Run!"
She then chased all the figures with the small dog figure as the figures cried " Oh! No! Oooooooooooozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!"
" Ahem." David said, to the three.
All three looked up at the same time to see the staring smiling face of David as well as everyone else's," Uh…what are you doing?" David said.
There was a small flash as Laurel, Michelle and Katy hid the action figures behind their backs.
" Nothing!" Laurel said quickly.