I'm really sorry about this, but you are about to read one of the most stupid and (in my opinion) one of the most hilarious works of literature ever written. It is REALLY PITIFUL. I warn you, it uses the terms "Oh crap" and words like puke. I also involves death, but not the serious kind (as if you'd care). It is childish, crude, stupid, HORRIBLY written, and funny, to say the least. Flame me if you wish, I deserve it for putting this on here. But I had to let my weird-ness show so you wouldn't go on thinking I was this sweet little angel that wrote beautiful stories about Harry's parents coming down to him to tell him they love him (I did do that, though). I'M NOT LIKE THAT (most of the time)! So read on, review on, flame on! But be prepared
THE RETURN OF MOLDYVORT
"No! Never! I shall never give in to you, Moldyvort," shouted Hairy Potty.
Moldyvort had already murdered Hairy's best friends, Hermetoid Stranger and Spawn Weasel. This time, Hairy was alone. He was 17 years old. Dear Professor Dumbledoor was dead, Professor McGonagall was out of town, and all the other teachers had been either killed or locked away by Moldyvort.
Hairy screamed, "I hate you! You killed my mommy and daddy! You killed my best friends! But you're not going to kill me. No! You will not kill me!"
And with that, from his pocket, Hairy drew a piece of moldy, enchanted cheese. He chucked it as hard as he could at Moldyvort. It hit Moldyvort on the head, and he screamed in agony. He was then trapped inside the cheese forever. Hairy vacuumed up the cheese and put an anti-leak spell on the vacuum so the cheese could not get out.
Then, his name was changed back to Harry Potter. Hermetoid and Spawn stopped being dead and were changed back to Hermione Granger and Ron Weasly. Everyone returned to normal. But Dumbledoor was still dead. Harry remembered him happily and rubbed his scar.
"Oh crap," he said. "I am dying!"
And they all watched Harry die.
"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap," he continued to shout. Since everybody loved Harry so much, they brought him his Firebolt broom and put Mrs. Norris on his chest. She scratched his face really hard so he was bleeding, then scratched everybody else so that they got infected with Harry's disease and they started to die too. Soon, everyone at Hogwarts was dead.
Except, of course, for Harry. For he was not really dying, but he was giving birth. He gave birth to the most beautiful little elephant seal you ever did see. Even though Harry had no friends, no family, and no life, he lived happily for the rest of his years. Then he went and ate the moldy piece of cheese that Moldyvort was in and he died and then Moldyvort killed the whole world and he was all alone and then he died too so the whole world was in heaven so it was like life only they were all dead.
Well then, Harry juiced an octopus and said, "Yum, octy juce is so good!" Then Harry began doing this weird thing. His eyes went in and out, in and out. And his stomach went up and down, up and down. And all of a sudden, a little man came up to him and said "Bonzai!" and jumped on his stomach and Harry puked up Hogwarts! And all his friends got puked up too! And Harry was like, "Woh, where did those come from? I did not eat that large castle or all my friends!" And then he got alive again and Dumbledoor said, "Harry, you are a good boy."
And then they all went back in time. So when Moldyvort came to kill Harry Potter's parents, he was prepared. He said, "Go away you fat piece of cheese mold!" And Moldyvort disappeared and Harry got even more famous than he was the last time he defeated Moldyvort because his parents were living.
Then Ron came over and said, "Harry, I don't like you anymore. I think i will puke on you." So Ron puked on Harry and then he got out some scissors and cut Harry's head off. Then Hermione came and kissed Harry. Then she had to puke when she was kissing him so all the puke went into Harry's mouth and he said nothing cuz his head was cut off.
Then Mrs. Norris got squished by a steam roller and she was so mad that she dug a hole to the middle of the earth and put a heck of a lot of dynamite in it and then the whole world blew up except for Mrs. Norris. Then they were all really dead. I'm not lying this time. This is really the end. Prow wow wow. That was Mrs. Norris. She says goodbye. Goodbye. This is finally the end. The end.
What did I tell you?! If you didn't like it, flame it. If you're nice, don't flame it. Review it either way. But tell me if it was funny so I'll know if I'm weird or not. Because, seriously, I find this hilarious.
~~THE NORRIS