Meditations on Tomorrow
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own neither Saving Hope nor Daniel Gillies
Pairing: Joel & Alex (or vice versa if you prefer)
Rating: T
Summary: A twist on the final scene in 02x17: Don't Poke the Bear.
Author's Note: Some snippets of dialogue taken from the actual episode.
An emotionally and physically exhausted Reid stepped into the elevator. It had been a difficult day. She and Charlie had worked together to save the patient whom they thought had been attacked by a bear. But as it turned she'd been kidnapped and held captive against her will for fifteen years.
Compared to that my elevator histrionics this morning and my post break-up encounters with Charlie seem pretty ridiculous.
Even though she knew that breaking up with Charlie had been the right thing to do, it was still hard and it still hurt.
Not surprisingly Joel had been the only one who seemed to understand what she was going through.
Which made perfect sense because she and Joel had known each other forever and had years of history together.
She recalled her earlier conversation with Charlie after he'd seen her in the elevator.
"The Alex I know doesn't get hysterical," He'd said, with a smile.
"The Alex you don't know does." She'd answered, with a nervous smile of her own.
And that was the difference between Joel and Charlie.
There wasn't an Alex that Joel didn't know.
He knew everything about her and accepted her for who she was without question.
These were the thoughts that were running through Alex's mind as she got into the elevator, too exhausted to take the stairs as Charlie had suggested.
The doors were just about to close when a familiar arm snaked it's way inside.
Joel.
This would be the second time they had run into each other today.
He'd given her a pep talk that could've only come from him. She felt like she could say anything to him.
Almost anything.
She couldn't tell him about the familiar recurring feelings that were at war within her.
It wasn't right.
She'd been the one to end their relationship after he'd cheated all those years ago.
She couldn't take it back.
Or could she?
They'd talked about her anxiety about living alone.
And he'd given her one of his trademark Joel Goran grins and replied, "It sounds like you need a drink or something…Do you want to grab a bite to eat later on…Or?
She didn't have a chance to respond because at that moment she was paged to the ICU.
But if she'd had the chance she would've said yes.
She'd been so focused on answering the page that she hadn't noticed the way that Joel had gazed in her direction.
Or the way that his gaze had lingered for a few moments even after she'd walked away.
Joel stepped into the elevator with his bag slung over one shoulder.
He pressed the button and exhaled "So I have a joke for ya."
"Okay. Hit me," Alex replied, leaning against the wall of the elevator, as Joel turned to face her.
He looked at her as the doors closed, a hint of a smile on his face, "An orthopedic surgeon walks into a bar…Tries to meditate…"
"You…Meditate?" Alex asked, smiling.
Joel's familiar grin spread across his face, as he tried to turn and face the opposite wall of the elevator to hide his embarrassment.
"Yes, I tried to meditate," Joel said turning his back to Alex and rubbing his eyes as she stood on the other side of the elevator laughing softly.
"It's not funny…It's sweet," Alex backpedalled as she sensed that she may have hurt his feelings.
She was one of the few people that Joel Goran wasn't afraid to show his feelings to.
"Weren't you supposed to go out tonight?" Joel asked, changing the subject, "You know. Treat yourself…Or something?"
"No, that's what you said I was supposed to do." Alex replied.
"So," Joel said, shrugging one shoulder as Alex went on, "What I am going to do is go home, slip under the covers in my PJs and fall asleep watching television."
"That sounds like somebody's hiding from the world. " Joel said, glancing at his feet and then back up at Alex.
"I'll face the world tomorrow." Alex answered back sighing once more.
"You know I have this Buddhist patient who says that to me that…."
"Don't look like that…" Joel said, his voice momentarily trailing off as she rolled her eyes.
Alex looked back at Joel trying to seem as if she were paying closer attention.
"He says to me that there's no such thing as tomorrow…That we have to live in the now…That each moment is the moment it's supposed to …"
"Joel…" Alex tried to interrupt shaking her head and raising both hands.
"be…No…Hear me out…Because this is revelation to me…And granted I'm not the sort of person who would do this sort of thing. You however…
As he spoke he took a few steps forward toward Alex pulling away from the wall of the elevator.
"I don't want to hear it, "Alex protested, but Joel ignored her and kept talking.
"I think you need to…" Alex tried to interrupt again, each of their voices fighting for dominance to be heard over the other.
"Joel…" She exclaimed, moving towards him and putting his hands on his chest.
She told herself she was only doing it just to make him stop talking.
She tried to ignore how good, how comforting and familiar it felt to touch him.
But in the end he got the words out … "are extraordinarily terrible at giving to yourself."
And she knew he was right.
As he uttered the last syllable she pushed him back against the wall of the elevator.
"Joel…"
Her mouth was open poised to speak and his was open in surprise.
"Stop it, "She whispered, exhaling softly, fighting back against the urge to kiss him.
And she suspected that he was fighting the same urge.
He was about to interrupt her again when she whispered, "Thank you."
He flashed her a trademark Joel Goran grin and asked, "For what?"
"For trying to help," Alex replied, just as the elevator pinged and the doors were about to open.
He knew that the doors were about to open and Alex Reid was about to walk away.
Live in the now.
There's no such thing as tomorrow.
"You're welcome, "He answered, laying a hand on her arm just before they kissed.