Author's Notes: this fic is mainly about the Buffy Angel crossover where they had Spike and Darla's bios-you know, when Spike was a stuffy do-gooder…kinda like first season Giles…a lot like first season Giles actually. Well, so, now you hopefully understand which ep I'm talking about, well, anyway this is what Zo thinks about the whole Angelus, Darla, Spike, and Dru thing.
Disclaimer: I know it, you know-is there any need for elaboration? (If ya do, Zo's mine, Evita's Raiden's, and the rest are Joss's)
***
I looked out the window; down into the fast paced L.A life. Cars raced back and forth on the mainstream highways, buildings flashed neon signs of their clubs and businesses, people in night clothes waltzed up and down the sidewalk going from bar to bar. It was like every night in this town, with the energy and adrenaline of each living person electrifying every store, bar and club making nights melt into days so you couldn't tell them apart if it wasn't for the sun.
I turned and looked across the room at the sign-in desk; propped up next to Angel's battle-ax was my scythe. A single drop of crimson dripped off the tip of the long curve.
I killed a man only an hour ago, the scythe and my teeth could show that off easily. He was tall; dark brown hair-a shade darker than Angel's; he looked like he was in his late 20's early 30's and well toned as if he had just come from the gym.
He was an easy kill, I tracked him, using my vampire senses, no one noticed a petite black haired 14 year-old girl walking behind him. I followed his every move, every breath, every heartbeat until the both of us reached the end of the street. I had gotten so close to him that I only had to grab him in his side and duck into the alley to my right. He tried to yell, but I already clamped my hand firmly across his mouth, and he only made muffled noises that no one could hear.
When I spun him around to face me, he looked puzzled; he probably thought that despite my size and looks, I had the strength to hold him down with enough force that didn't make him even try to get away from me. I smiled. I smiled a smile only a killer makes get before they were about to kill, and I felt a wave of change as my true face came forward. The guy in my hands screamed, his hot breath filling my hand. He tried to run, to escape-that only made me hold him tighter, my fingernails digging into his tanned skin.
I looked around the empty ally for where I had thrown my scythe down when I had first grabbed the guy. Luckily, it wasn't too far away from me, and I dipped down in a quick motion to fast for the human eye to pick it up. When I came back up I slowly released my hand from his mouth, it was moist from his breath. I put a single pale finger to my mouth as if to make a 'shh' noise..
I went in for the kill; grabbing his neck and pulling it down to my level. I opened my mouth, revealing my fangs and bit down into his formally untouched neck and sucked. His essence of life flowed into me; the warm blood crept into every part of my dead body. The feeling was invigorating, making my senses tingle and I shivered at the feeling.
I pulled him closer using the long curved end of my weapon; it dug in his back drawing more blood. I felt the muscles in my victim's neck tighten in even more pain as the blood from his back bleed through his shirt and ran down the back of his pants, connecting with the blood that trickled slowly out of my mouth, down his shoulder and his back.
His heartbeat slowed down with every suck of blood I took…until… nothing. Silence. He was dead. I pulled myself from him and dropped him in the middle of the alley. I wiped the remaining blood off my lip using my finger and then dislodged my scythe-which had worked it's way deep into vertebrae of his spine.
I straightened, took one last look at the dead man's face that was frozen in fear and walked away. As if nothing had happened.
Another drop fell to the ground, and I looked back out the window.
After I killed him, that was it. He was another tally added to my death count. A vampire's kill is supposed to feel rewarding, ending with the rush of euphoria. Sure I got that feeling, the feel of adrenaline from the victim's fear, knowing that I was the deciding vote in whether they were to live or die. But, that feeling is only good to me…it's not like I could share that feeling with Angel, Cordy, or Doyle.
"Zoey?" I didn't need to turn around to see who it was. I heard him enter and felt him stare without showing the slightest twitch.
"Angel?" I asked in return. I looked down at the sidewalk and saw a couple of teenagers run across the street; bottles of beer in both hands. "What was it like?" I asked in general, tilting my head slightly to the side to see the teenagers run out of my visibility.
I heard him take a step closer and put his hands in his pockets, "What was what like?"
I paused for a second, he wouldn't like what I was about to say, but I needed to say it. I turned around and faced him, with an expressionless face, " What was it like when you were Angelus?"
Maybe it wasn't a good idea to ask him now. His forehead wrinkled, which meant I brought up one of the three subjects he hates-the other two being: his love with Buffy and the death of our former Co-worker, Doyle.
"Zoey, you know I don't want to talk about it. I was pure evil, but that was a long time ago. But, I really need you to start working on the Gallagar case-"
He was passing it off as nothing; thinking that if he kept forgetting long enough history would forget too. But it doesn't work that way; humans don't kill each other and forget it, they remember. They remember till the day they drop dead one morning, and even after that they can still be tormented by the souls they took the life. "Angel, it happened a century ago. But you can still feel it, can't you? The adrenaline you got when you killed an innocent person off the streets with Darla by your side. What was it like?"
Angel's face grew concerned, and his words were harsh "Zoey, what's this all about?"
I stood up from the red decorated bench, (originally put in for clients) and walked to the front desk. I walked behind it, and leaned over the counter, staring at my brother. " I know you know that I hunted tonight, that I took another life. You can smell it off my breath, right?"
Angel closed his eyes, getting somewhat of a peeved expression. He tilted his head briefly to the ground when he first spoke, "Yes, I know you did."
"Then why?" I inquired, now stepping off and away from the front desk, "Why do you put up with me? I drink, I kill, I'm just as bad as the rest of the vampire population, so why don't you stake me in my sleep?"
" You know why, because you have a soul. You're able to know what is right from wrong. You can find redemption."
I stamped my foot on the ground, he's making is into one of his stupid lessons to tell me that what vampires do is immoral. He's wrong, he doesn't understand a thing, not what I think, not what I feel, not how every little tiny detail of his life affects me. He thinks that I'll be his little exuberant sister forever, not capable of needing all the complex needs every walking thing on this Earth needs. "But I don't! I choose the wrong over the good! How am I supposed to brood like you when I love the feel of the kill! How- "
Angel rushed up to me, towering over me like a giant. His voice harsh and his words hit me like poison, "Because sooner or later you're going to look down at you blood soaked hands, and then at the drained corpse and feel how terrible it is to take a life not worth taking. It might not happen today, or tomorrow, or even in the next century, but it will happen."
He closed his mouth, having nothing more to say. I took advantage of the moment and ran out from under his tall stature. And then whirled around again to face him. I can't believe he actually thinks that that's how I'm going to end. A soulful, human loving demon. A filthy excuse for a vampire.
But his words explained every point of my tirade. "And that's exactly my point!" I said, stamping the floor again. " Even though we're siblings, you're the one saving the human race while I'm destroying it! Don't you get it? I don't belong here! This, this, all of this" I gestured to the inside of the hotel. "It's anything but what I do!"
Angel looked concerned again, his body language dropping the guard it had before. "What are you saying?"
"I don't know. You and Wesley and Cordy say we're all one big family-but it's only really you Wesley and Cordy fighting for humanity, not me!" I yelled back.
"Yes, but there's- the rest of them."
I narrowed my eyes at him, "They don't count."
"Fine, forget them. But, Zoey, you're still my sister, and I'm still your brother-nothing's going to change that." Angel said, looking pleased at what he said.
"No! You…just…don't understand. I'm not part of the whole 'family'. I'm the piece that doesn't fit." I paused for a second before I continued, " Which made me think about you, and how you terrorized Europe with Darla, Spike and Dru. How you did it together, as a family. Do you know how much I want that feeling? To hunt and kill along side others just like me? I've wished for it to happen every single day."
My brother looked like he was hit with a ton of bricks; stunned by my words this time. But he knew it was coming, that I would bring up how he traveled with the other three, causing destruction and mayhem to the human race wherever they went. He knew that I would want to feel that, the feel of the kill isn't good enough anymore. He knew that I would want more.
There was silence between the two of us; Angel looked at the ground thinking of which words to say that would keep his composure. I then turned and walked out of the old hotel turned Detective agency.
The heat of L.A. still hung in the night air. I sighed for a second before I stepped of the stoop and into the streaming crowd of partygoers.
He would still find me, Angel. When he said that he only kept me around for my soul-that was a lie. The truth is that because I'm back, he thinks that it's his duty to protect his 'little sister'. That because his soulless version wasn't successful in killing everything close to him, his soulful version will protect whatever was-me.
Even if I traveled to another country, he'd still find me. He'd go to every source, every demon to see if they saw even just a glimpse of me. Or he'd have Cordy drive the convertible with the top down so he could take big whiffs, whatever it took. Until I was back working for him in his detective agency, in our little 'family'.