Lalalala oh me, oh my! We have visitors! Yes, it's me again, Mrs. Norris. Meow. All righty then. Well, the last fic I wrote was super-serious mush-mush lovey-dovey. Now that is all well and good, and I really LOVED that fic ::sniffle:: NO! I WILL NOT START TO CRY! Anyhoo I thought I'd try my hand at a humorous story. And stop snorting, you! I can write funny stuff! So here it is, ladies and gents, my super-fantabulous HP humor story! ::audience wakes up from death-like sleep and pretends to be interested::
Warning: It's a very w e i r d kind of funny. It's just the way I am. So if you're going to flame me because I'm weird, please just go give yourself a swirlie because I'm not worth it.
THE LIGHTER SIDE OF HARRY POTTER
Harry and Ron were in a dumpster.
"Harry, why are we in a dumpster?" Ron inquired with a stupid look on his face.
"I dunno," Harry replied with equal idiocy, pulling a banana peel from his hair.
They were in a dumpster in Japan, actually.
"Oh yeah, the floo powder must have got screwed up," Ron realized.
Suddenly, there was a loud rumble and Gilderoy Lockhart popped out of the dumpster looking dazed.
"Hello, I am a starfish," he said.
Harry looked at Lockhart in a very strange way.
He smiled back at the two boys, his very large white teeth showing.
"I am a starfish," he repeated, as if he were speaking to people from a foreign country that couldn't understand him.
Ron fiddled with his fingers for a moment and finally shoved them into Lockhart's face. They were in the shape of a W and Ron shouted, "Whateveerrrrrr!!!!"
"I am frightened of you," said Lockhart, nudging his body oh-so-slightly away.
Something about the time change had messed up the boy's minds. Harry had spent a week at the Weasley's and was now going to Diagon Alley. But strangely enough, here he was, sitting in a dumpster in Japan.
"I like cheese," said Lockhart, the idiotic grin never fading from his face.
Suddenly, a little Japanese man ran up to them shouted "Hee chee han chan ana mana pootin cha!"
"Oh yeah! Yeah Baby!" yelled Lockhart, leaping from the dumpster.
The boys followed him.
Lockhart led them to a street full of people. It was Bastille day, and all the Japanese people were very happy.
Because the floo powder had messed with their minds, the boys did not realize that something very wrong was happening, because Bastille day is from France, not Japan. Well, they didn't care anyway because they had a great time. It was the best Bastille day Harry and Ron had ever had.
When they were back at the good ol' dumpster, Lockhart decided to take a nap.
Harry and Ron took out a card deck and played a game of exploding snap.
They realized suddenly that a man was standing next to them. It was Steve from Blue's Clues.
"Hey!" said Ron. "I know you! You're Steve from Blue's Clues!"
"I am a starfish," muttered Lockhart in his sleep.
"Yes, I am Steve from Blue's Clues. I am trying to find out what Blue wants to do today. I have all three clues, but I cannot think because I forgot where my thinking chair is. Can you help me?"
Harry looked at Steve and shook his head thinking, This poor man is pitiful. I feel bad for him. In fact, I think I've never met anyone so stupid.' But then he looked over at Lockhart who was still murmuring about starfish and changed his mind.
Meanwhile, Ron was helping Steve with his problem.
"I really can't find it! I have looked all over the place, even in Japan."
"Um, have you tried the Living Room?" Ron tried.
"Oh my gosh! You're a genius!" Steve's face lit up as he ran off singing, We just figured out Blue's Clues, we just figured out Blue's Clues'
"That man frightens me," said Harry.
"Harry, something very wrong is going on here," said Ron seriously.
"I mean, first, the Floo powder goes all wrong, then Lockhart is an even bigger idiot than usual, and the Japanese people had Bastille day. I just remembered that Bastille day is from France. And now, Steve lost his thinking chair."
The two boys pondered inside their own heads, searching their brains painfully for an answer.
Finally, they both blurted, "Voldemort!" only Ron said You-know-who' instead. So I guess only Harry said Voldemort. But they both mean the same thing. Only they aren't the same. STOP CONFUSING ME!
All of a sudden, there was cruel, cold, laughter. It was Voldemort and he had returned. All of a sudden, the world blew up. THE END
Yes, I know what you're thinking what a poor and twisted child this is. And I know the story is pitiful. But this is the stuff I find funny. Wait till you see what I'm putting up next. I was cracking up while I wrote this. And no, I am not a starfish. Please R/R. No flames, though I expect a couple rude remarks anyway. I'm always prepared. I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR! Ok