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Lacy here kids with the newest A&E. I don't think I need to tell everyone that last night's episode made for a VERY happy Lacy, though my heart did break for Em at the end of the episode. Now, I know Em's on maternity leave because she just had Aurora in the last story but have no fear, everything that happened with her and Aaron in the episode will be worked into the story. Like I'll take that Aaron/Em goodness away from my loyal readers. Never! Have fun!
Disclaimer: I own Bethany, Mallory and Aurora. *pauses* I'm lucky I can keep my CM kids straight...
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Dr. Linda Merrill watched her patient closely. She'd gotten to know Mrs. Emily Hotchner quite well since the agent started coming in shortly after returning from 'the dead'. She'd gone through her pregnancy with her, met both her step-son Jack and her first daughter Bethany the few times her husband, Aaron, came to pick her up from her sessions.
Watching Emily now, Linda could tell that Emily's mind had drifted, as it did from time to time during their sessions. Before the birth of her youngest daughter, Emily's mind would drift over her time undercover in Ian Doyle's house and the time she spent with the late arms dealer. Occasionally she'd get a small smile on her face and Linda would know her mind was on her family.
But right now, her face was just blank and for the first time, Linda had no idea what Emily was thinking.
"Emily," Linda called her patient's attention back.
Emily seemed to snap back to herself. "I'm sorry, what?"
Linda smiled a bit. "I said this is our last session. It doesn't have to be goodbye, my door's always open." even though she put the offer out there, Linda knew Emily wouldn't take it. Therapy had been Aaron's idea and a request from the FBI.
"Thank you," Emily said sincerely. "but I, um, I feel good. You know, ready."
"How are your nails?" Linda asked, removing her glasses.
Emily held her hands up. "Three days, no biting."
"Are you sleeping?" Linda paused. "Well, when the baby isn't keeping you awake."
Emily laughed. "I am, actually. Aaron gets up with Aurora most of the time, so I can sleep. And it's been, uh, two weeks I think since the last dream."
Linda nodded. "Good, I'm glad. The dreams may not have gone away completely. Correct me if I'm wrong, you never had a chance to mourn what you almost lost, did you?"
Emily was thrown. "I'm sorry, I don't understand the question."
"As part of protecting your team, you and Aaron had to keep everything covered up." Linda said. "And when they found out, they were faced with the very real possibility of losing you. They faced that, Aaron faced that. Did you? Think about it."
Emily nodded. "I will."
Linda knew she wouldn't.
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Emily came downstairs, carrying Aurora in one arm and leading Bethany by the other hand while Jack trailed behind them. She knew Aaron was already up, that was the only reason their two eldest were already dressed and ready for the day. Seeing him sitting in the living room, a file in his hands, a file that Emily had a pretty good idea what was in it, she wanted to turn tail and run back upstairs. Sadly there were a few problems with that. One, the kids would get very confused. Two, there wasn't anywhere she could hide in the house where Aaron wouldn't find her. And three, she had to face what her boss and husband would say eventually.
But, based on the look on his face, Emily knew he'd wait until after her dad came and got Jack and Bethany, as he now drove the oldest to school and was Bethany's regular babysitter.
With that in mind, she looked at Bethany and Jack. "Let's get some breakfast."
The two cheered and Jack took Bethany's hand from Emily, leading his sister to the kitchen. Emily smiled and followed, feeling Aaron's eyes on her the whole time.
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Once Richard had come and taken Jack and Bethany and Emily had laid Aurora back down after feeding her, Emily joined Aaron in the living room, knowing their talk couldn't be put off any longer.
"I got Dr. Merrill's evaluation," Aaron said. "I want to review it with you."
Emily nodded. "Yeah, okay."
They spent a few minutes going over what Linda had put in the report and Emily's responses to them. Even as she spoke, she knew Aaron was going to have more to say, as both her boss and her husband.
"I don't care if you lie to your therapist," Aaron said. "god knows I did but I care about how your behavior effects your job, both as an agent and as a mother."
Emily frowned. "I don't think it has."
Aaron turned to face Emily completely. "Since you recovered, you have tucked Jack into bed every night, even though we both know he's old enough to do it himself, you hover around Bethany if she's near the tiniest dangerous thing, you pushed to repair your relationship with Morgan, you've become an emotional sounding board for Reid and Dave,"
Emily held back a huff. "That's being a good mother and friend."
"You over-thought the entire situation with Jack and his bullying problem." Aaron pointed out the last thing he knew would hit the nail on the head.
Emily sighed. "Okay so maybe I have been working a little bit harder to regain people's trust but is that such a bad thing?"
"No," Aaron said. "it only is if you use it to avoid dealing with what you went through."
"But I'm not," Emily said. "I chose to come back here. Why? Because I care about the people I work with? Yeah. But also because it's clean. I know who the good guys and the bad guys are. I don't have to worry about screwing someone over to make a case."
"Okay," Aaron accepted Emily's answer. "I want you to make a deal with me. You're gonna go weeks, months even feeling fine. Then you're gonna have a bad day." he took Emily's hand, his thumb fiddling with her rings. "Just please let me know when you do."
"And that's it?" Emily said, her voice soft.
Aaron nodded. "That's it."
Emily echoed the nod. "Deal."
Aaron leaned over and kissed her. "I love you,"
Emily rested their foreheads together. "I love you too,"
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After hearing about the case from Garcia and what the women went through, Emily felt herself spiraling. She knew Aaron was on his way home and thankfully Richard hadn't minded keeping all three kids over night but Emily couldn't hold together. She curled up in the window seat that was in her and Aaron's bedroom, a blanket wrapped tightly around her body as she shook from suppressed sobs.
This is what Aaron had been talking about, this is what he called a bad day. A day when her chest felt like it was going to split open and she feared that every little sound was Doyle coming back to finish what he'd started all those months ago. A day where being alone was the most terrifying thing possible for her and her heart beat so fast she feared it would stop.
"Em,"
Emily turned at the sound of Aaron's voice. Aaron took one look at his wife's face and his heart broke.
"I'm having a bad day," Emily said, her voice cracking as she forced out each word.
Aaron soundlessly crossed the room and scooped Emily up into his arms. Sitting where she'd been moments before, he held her in his lap and hugged her tightly, tears pressing at his eyes with each sob that shook her body. He knew the bad days were coming. He had just prayed they would have held off a little longer.
"It's going to be okay, Emily." Aaron whispered into her hair. "You're not alone. We will get through this together."
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And now that I've shattered everyone's hearts, sorry about that, there we have this week's A&E. It was a lot more angsty then I was planning but Aaron and Emily have never written how I want them to. They just do what they please. Okay, let me know what you think, flame policy stands and thanks for reading.
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