A/N: I don't own these characters.
He was dead. Well, not technically, but he might as well be. Everything was gone. His entire purpose for existing had disintegrated, and now he was just a husk of what he had been.
He'd used the last of his energy to create a tree for that boy and his father. He thought it would be his last act; a sort of noble suicide that would redeem some of the pain he'd caused while simultaneously ending his own suffering. But instead of dying, he had simply… disconnected. He was still here. He was still himself… just… floating.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been like this. Time ran differently without the perception of sunrise and sunset. It may have been days or decades. He supposed it didn't really matter, since this seemed to be how he would remain forever. What a horrible fate.
Maybe he deserved it.
If he had lungs, he would have sighed. Instead, he tried to stop thinking—to silence his mind. He focused on his experience, not that he had much to focus on. He had no senses. No sight. No sound. But there was a sort of… flow… around him. It was a gentle motion, almost like a river. There was silence. Or maybe emptiness was a better way to describe it. He was alone. Isolated.
It hurt, to be so alone. Especially after being so closely bonded to his sisters through the ark. And Vash. There had always been a fragile, indescribable threading connection with his brother, no matter how far apart they were. But it was gone now.
He wanted to return so badly—to get away from this unbearable purgatory. As horrible as that world had been, at least he had his family. They probably hated him now. There must have been a great loss of life after the ark split. How traumatic it must have been for them. He hoped they understood why. Why he'd done it. How he'd meant to help.
He'd failed them. He'd been so reckless—so convinced of his superiority that he'd never even considered the possible consequences of his defeat. The humans and his brother had won the final battle. His glorious plan was laid to ruin by a stupid fucking cable and a will of steel.
He'd failed them. The angels… Vash… Tessla. Rem. She'd be so disappointed if she could see him now. He hated her… And he didn't. She'd betrayed him… but… he supposed he'd betrayed her too. She'd loved him and Vash—there was no denying that. Given the chance she would have done everything she could to make up for the abuse that had been inflicted on Tessla.
But he'd taken that chance away from her.
God, he wished this would end—this horrible, never-ending dream—this torturous river of contemplation. He tried to scream but it made no sound.
Please. Please release me. Save me. Kill me. Anything.
If he had lungs, he would have been sobbing. Instead, he gave up. He let himself fall into despair. This was reality now. This was his punishment. His hell.
He deserved this suffering.
Brother. We have found you.
A voice! Many whispering voices speaking as one!
My sisters! I'm here. Please, help me!
We cannot. Only you can help yourself.
But how?
You must open your eyes.
I can't. Please!
You must awaken.
Don't leave me here!
The silence descended again. Millions Knives fell into panic. He had to do something! This was his chance. He had to open his eyes. He gathered his will into a single, focused point and, with everything he had left, he wrenched forward, fighting against the oblivion.
Suddenly, the world was white. Blindingly white.