A/N:Well, somebody had to do it! Partially inspired by a Dragonlance fic.
Kain: (seated at the head of a round table, around which are seated Rahab, Dumah, Zephon, and Melchiah) Boys, there's something I need to talk to you about. *clears throat*
Dumah: Whatever it is, blame it on Zephon. It's all HIS fault!!
Zephon: Hey!!
Rahab: *rolls eyes and goes back to translating Greek to Latin to French to English*
Kain: You boys remember what I talked to Raziel and Turel about last century?
Rahab: Are you sure we need to hear this, Father?
Kain: ...Yeah! You gotta know where little humans come from...
Dumah: ...I know this one! Forty-two!!
(Dumah gets stared at)
Dumah: Or not...
Melchiah: *covers ears* I do NOT need to hear this!!
Kain: ...Hm. Maybe you're right..maybe you are too young, Melchiah..Zephon, take him out!
Zephon: What? Why me?
Kain: You're too young, too.
Zephon: *throws Melchiah out a window and walks out the door, muttering darkly*
Kain: And don't you dare slam that--*door slams*...door.
Rahab: Once again, I ask, are you sure we need to know?
Dumah: Yeah, I mean, Raziel already told us EVERYTHING!
Kain: ...*makes mental note: Toss Raziel in the Abyss. Am getting annoyed with him and his wings already anyways.*
Rahab: ...Dad? Are you okay...?
Kain: Yeah, I'm fine. Just making a mental note.
Rahab: Oh.
Kain: Now, when two people, human or otherwise, love each other...
Dumah: Do they have to love each other? *shudder*
Rahab: *rolls eyes and resumes his translations*
Kain: Well...not always, but it helps...
Dumah: ...Oh. I didn't know that...
Rahab: Why don't we make the safe assumption that you don't know anything, Dumah? *smirk*
Kain: ..anyways...
Dumah: So how do humans...?
Kain: *looks annoyed* The same way we do, I imagine...
Dumah: You mean you imagine doing stuff like that with us? That is SICK!
Rahab: *sigh* I'm going to my Abbey now...
Kain: SIT DOWN, YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL I FINISH THIS LECTURE!!
Rahab: ...damn.
Dumah: What happens if you don't like women?
Kain: Then you do it with a man, not a human.
Dumah: But--
Kain: I don't want you boys picking up my bad habits. Now shut up and let me finish my lecture.
Rahab: Can't we just leave and say you lectured us?
Kain: NO! *slams fist on table*
Dumah: ...Don't hurt me, Daddy..
Rahab: Dumah is older than me...but has the I.Q. of a two-year-old. That is sad.
Dumah: I'm gonna kill you, Rahab.
Rahab: Go for it. *holds up book* I'm armed.
Dumah: Me too! *draws sword*
Kain: Well...*draws Soul Reaver* LET'S HOW WELL YOU BOTH DEAL WITH THIS!!
Dumah ...meep! *puts sword away*
Rahab: Forgive me, Father, I lost my temper.
Kain: Next time you piss me off, you're toast. *puts the Reaver away*
Rahab: Understood.
Dumah: ....
Kain: Now then...*goes on to explain...uh, you know.* Any more questions?
Rahab: ...That was waaay too much detail there, Father...I didn't need to know all that..
Kain: ....Questions, not comments.
Dumah: I will never look at humans the same way again...