If I could start all over again,
I hope that I never appear in your life.
Tell me, where I can find rainbows.
Can you return my wish back to me?
Why is the sky still so calm?
All the clouds have amassed above me.
The grown up Peter Kirkland stared out of the window panel of his private plane. Every passing cloud and every vivid rainbow looked like all the friends and dear ones he gathered over his years of trying to be acknowledged as a nation. A pain started growing at the base of his neck. He looked at the sun and felt his eyes burning. Not from looking at the giant star but from seeing the face of his sun. His Latvia. His Raivis…
'If I could go back in time to them all smiling genuinely along with me, back when the times were happy… Just once more… Then maybe this won't be as hard… I'd probably be fine with being unacknowledged as a nation, too… If only I could…' he said to himself.
Do you have a spare face mask to lend me?
Because I said too much, now it will not eventuate.
Maybe time is an antidote…
Or it's the poison I am taking right now.
-before-
"Hey jerk England, Mama Finland said he's willing to teach you how to cook better!" A young, energetic micronation was chasing after his older brother.
"That's nice of him, but you know I cook just fine! And where are those blasted manners I worked so hard trying to teach you; you don't insult people in their own house."
"Blah blah blah, I can't believe that I'm related to you! How come you're so grumpy all the time!? After I took this time to come all this way and visit you!"
"Because I'm acting like a grown nation. Coming over uninvited and complaining isn't appreciated. How about you just go home for today, Peter. You can visit some other day, I need to get this work done."
"But--! Well, fine, jerk England! Hm!"
Sealand stomped out of the house, trying to cover his anger and disappointment under a façade of being stubborn. How inconsiderate of England! He came all this way to visit him and here he was being told off. What's so wrong about coming to visit his closest and dearest brother every now and then? Wasn't it unfair the he was treated this way? He's not much different from America but the latter is always being praised.
"A-acknowledge me, too, dammit!" Sealand shouted, standing on an empty street. He choked back his tears and tried to stand tall.
'Just let them wait! I'm gonna become the greatest nation ever and then I'll be the ones looking down on them!' he told himself, looking toward the future. Convinced things will go his way, he looked toward the future.
Without seeing your smile, how can I sleep?
Your voice is so close yet I cannot hug you.
The sun will continue orbiting even without the Earth existing.
I can walk away from you without a reason.
- present-
Sealand had landed someplace far away where he didn't know where it was himself. He didn't bother to ask anyone that passed by him either. He didn't want and word of where he was spreading.
How could the world be so happy like this? Peter was laying on his back on the bench of a park. Children were being pulled away from the swings by their parents as the sky started turning orange.
Where was he again? What was the time difference between here and home? When was the meeting he planned to go to supposed to be? Why is he feeling so tired suddenly? How did he get into this again?
He tried closing his eyes but sleep never came to him. His heart wouldn't rest and it wouldn't let him rest either. His mind was flooding with thoughts of home…
'I wonder what Mama and Papa are doing now. Are my older brothers fighting again? Didn't I propose to Raivis a few months ago? I hope he's happy and somewhere safe… How's he doing? That bastard Ivan better not be harassing him again.'
Thoughts of his Latvia ran in circles around in his mind. His vain efforts to get some sleep made him open his eyes again. Flipping open his suitcase, he began writing a letter o send back home. He'll need to explain himself for his sudden disappearance somehow.
-a little before-
"Baby, you finally got accepted!" Raivis exclaimed excitedly, standing at Peter's doorway, holding an official letter of acknowledgement for a nation out to him. Sealand held the paper in his hand reading through it slowly.
"…Sea, why aren't you that happy? You've been looking forward to this for years!"
Sealand gave no response, quietly pondering with a grave face. Latvia sighed, leaning against his side and grabbed Peter's hand in a comforting way. The engagement ring on each of their ring fingers sparkled.
"…From here on, things are going to get better for us. We'll both be together and no one can boss us around or say they're our guardians ever again. Whatever's on your mind, we'll get through, together, okay?" Raivis offered him a reassuring smile.
Peter curved the ends of his lips upward.
"I'm going to be leaving for a while, Raivis… I need to take care of something, but don't worry about it and don't tell anyone else, alright? I'll be back soon."
He nodded, trusting his lover that his word would be kept. Peter, giving him a kiss on the forehead on the way, walked out with a little suitcase in hand.
You want to leave, I know it is a simple thing.
You said reliance was a major barrier between us.
You can let go, I still won't remove my love for you.
I'll pretend I understand till the end.
-with Latvia in the present-
He sat in the back of the room next to the empty seat that was reserved specifically for the now official country of Sealand. England came up to him and held out a closed letter with a label that it was sent to Latvia from Sealand.
"Raivis, if you wouldn't mind, will you please read to us the letter Arthur just gave you? Out of respect that it was Sealand's letter to you, we didn't open it but it is your choice to read it to us." Germany asked, formally.
"Alright." Latvia got up and walked to the front of the large room. The letter was carefully torn open.
Without seeing your smile, how can I sleep?
Your voice is so close yet I cannot hug you.
The sun will continue orbiting even without the Earth existing, orbiting.
I can abandon you without a reason.
Because I said too much, it will no eventuate.
Maybe time is an antidote, antidote
Or the poison I'm drinking tight now.
-the letter-
Dear Raivis,
I'm not really going to come back… My country has been… suffering… When I found I only had a month left to live before my nation dissolved, the only thing I was afraid of the to face your sadness… So I chose to leave… I'm sorry, I lied to you… and… I'm sorry we won't be able to get married after all…
Thank you for accompanying me to the places we've been together and being with me along the way of finally becoming a nation. I shall bring the memories of you and everyone along with me to heaven.
-Peter Kirkland
-back in the meeting-
Raivis' voice had started t crack and die down after the second sentence. The letter fell to the ground the same time his knees did, followed by the sound of his tears dropping to the ground and sobs.
The entire meeting room had grown gravely silent.
-back with Sealand-
Sitting on the swing set of the park, wherever he was, Sealand was barely gripping the chains and was leaning to one side. He was pale, tired, and homesick. His eyes slowly closing and his already ghost-like appearance started to fade. His nation has dissolved…
He turned his head upward to catch one last glimpse of the sun of his world. In his eyes, he was Latvia's face, smiling like the times he would when he was younger.
Without seeing your smile, how can I sleep?
A small smile perched itself on his face as his eyes closed and his heart finally let him sleep.