Saints Row One shot
It was a quiet day on the ship as the Saints were in all different places doing their own things. Asha was working out her muscles in the small section intended for lifting weights and working the bag, and Kinzie was looking through different files on her computer. Meanwhile in another area Shaundi found a small rubber ball she could throw and catch if she chose to. The only people who were together in one room were a few of the men of the ship, namely the Boss, Johnny, Matt, and CID. Benjamin King was working on his new story in another room, and Keith David was busy running the cockpit of the ship. Pierce walked through the door just as CID had won another game of poker.
"You guys playing without me?" Pierce said as the other men groaned at CID and his victory. "Don't bother, CID is racking up the points here." The boss told Pierce. Pierce just shrugged it off and joined the game anyways. "It isn't my fault you have no idea how to play." CID said in his monotone robotic voice. "No, you just have a good poker face. No pun intended." Matt Miller the self-proclaimed cyber God blurted out stifling a chuckle. "I see you are amused by this. I take no offense." CID said as dull as ever. "You should have been there on Earth with us. You could have made a killing." Pierce said. CID blinked his eye and turned back to the table. Pierce continued to wonder about something that bothered him, but he would probably hear it brought up by somebody else.
"Up for another game?" CID asked. "Hell no. Why do we continue doing the same boring shit? Shouldn't we be destroying everything in the simulation? Having fun?" Johnny said as he flung his cards on the table. "We already killed Zinyak. I don't see the point in killing people who don't exist." Matt said. "Oh, come on. You remember when we destroyed those aliens while getting you? You loved killing everything!" The boss explained. "I never said I enjoyed it." Matt said under his breath. Everybody remained silent for a few moments and finally Pierce decided to break the silence with his question. He was reluctant at first, but he knew it was on everybody's mind. "So, what happens when we are dead?" Pierce asked.
The boss looked up at him. "What?" He asked dumbfounded at Pierce's concern. "Well, we are the last remaining humans right? How come we don't repopulate?" Pierce asked with genuine concern. Truly he deep down just wanted a little Pierce Washington running around and wreaking as much chaos as he does. The boss stood up in a hurry and pointed a finger about to tell him off, but he thought about it for a moment. "That's actually a good question." It was all he could muster. "Are we really going to have this conversation?" Johnny asked. "Well, think about it. We'll have little Saints running around and causing trouble with us. Plus, do we really want to just end the human race with us?" Pierce asked. CID blinked as he stared at Pierce with no expression, due to just being a floating robotic eye, and floated in spot. "Isn't there other humans on the ship as well?" Matt asked. "Matt the ship isn't in good condition, and some of the people are brain dead anyways. I guess we are the only able bodied people available." Boss explained to the youngest.
"The thing I am worried about is whether or not they can have kids. Or if they even want to." Johnny pondered on his own spoken thought. "Yeah, that is the bad part of it. Kinzie is a bit rough, but she has done things I don't even want to talk about." Boss said as the rest of the men looked at him. "Don't ask!" He waved it off. "Well Asha isn't necessarily sexually driven. However, if it becomes a mission to repopulate then maybe it might work." Matt explained his coworker and deep down his own friend.
A friend he could really call his own. Matt soon realized his mistake as some of the others were pondering on the thought of them and Asha. Great now I will never be able to sleep with her. They've got me outmatched with their sizes. Matt thought to himself. "So Asha is a possibility. Kinzie might not be, according to the boss, but that leaves Shaundi." Pierce said as he shuddered at the thought of getting destroyed by Shaundi for even mentioning her name in a conversation like this. "We could draw straws though right?" Matt asked. Gat only chuckled at his naivety. "We're really resorting to that?" Johnny asked. "Maybe we should just ask them." CID said as everyone looked at him and yelled "No!" as CID only blinked. "I guess it is only fair that whoever is closest to the person gets to do it." Matt said weakly. "Shouldn't Ben and Keith be in this conversation too?" CID asked. "Yeah right, Ben King was in his prime years ago, and I doubt Keith even wants to be with one of them." Johnny explained his reasoning just to limit the options.
"It is only fair that we voice our concerns with the females of this ship. They have the choice to do so, and it is a better option than sneaking into their rooms while they are sleeping." CID voiced. "That's not a bad idea." Boss said. "I know it is." CID said back. "No I mean sneaking into their rooms." Boss explained the confusion. "I give up all reasoning with you people." CID explained as he left. "Then there were four." Johnny said smoothly. "Technically three. Pierce isn't close to any of them." Boss said while chuckling only earning a look of distaste from Pierce. "Come on man! Of course I am." He tried reasoning. Boss only shook his head as he thought about Shaundi stabbing Pierce repeatedly for even trying, along with Asha burning him, and Kinzie laughing her ass off. That really was an odd time when she took enjoyment out of destroying STAG in the simulation.
"Okay, listen Pierce, Shaundi would kill your ass for asking, Kinzie would turn the other cheek, and Asha, she barely even liked you in the first place. You haven't got a chance." Johnny explained while chuckling at Pierce getting mad then sad. "Okay, it is pretty obvious Matt is pretty close to Asha. So, I guess you've got her you lucky bastard." Boss explained as Matt was cheering on the inside for not interfering to a level where they would choose someone else, but he remained calm and simply said "Fair enough." He then nodded and proceeded to get up and find Asha. "That leaves Kinzie and Shaundi." Johnny said. "Kinzie considered herself closest to Oleg, but hopefully she won't mind another face." Boss explained. "How do you figure?" Johnny asked.
"Both genius beyond comparison. Both worked for their government only being downed by the Syndicate, and I never understood either of them." Boss explained as Johnny was absent during their time in real world Steelport. "So… Who gets Shaundi?" Gat asked, as he was actually concerned for Shaundi and her wellbeing. "It's pretty obvious she wants you. She was torn up beyond measure when you were gone, but I don't know, she's a bit unreadable. I know for a fact she doesn't want a kid, and Kinzie is even tougher in that situation. Hopefully Matt has some luck with Asha." Boss explained just as Matt stumbled back into the room. He was wobbling all over as the others took notice.
"I wouldn't look forward to Asha. Not wise." Matt said. "She kicked your ass or what?" Johnny asked as Matt only nodded. "Fuck! I was hoping this wouldn't be much trouble. Now even Asha wouldn't sleep with her only friend, how the hell are we getting Kinzie and Shaundi?" Boss almost yelled. "Hey! What are you trying to insinuate about Asha?" Matt spoke up. "I'm saying she's as cold and frigid as women go, and she doesn't let down her soft spot to you. What makes you think she, Shaundi, or even Kinzie would do anything?" Boss asked.
"Guys calm down." Pierce finally spoke up from his corner. "Are you trying to say Asha would be easy?" Matt asked actually standing up for himself, more for Asha. "I just thought if I could do it that it would be easy for you!" Boss said. "You slept with Asha?" Matt's voice cracked under pressure. "Are you kidding? Boss even had a go at CID just for the hell of it." Pierce explained as the boss gave him a deathly glare. He only smirked seeing he was left out of the equation. "You will just go ahead and fuck anything that is able to do so am I right?" Matt asked. "He even tried it with Keith. He got rejected though." Pierce said as Johnny finally came over to shut him up. "You did not! Mister Keith David would never do anything with a degenerate like you!" Matt yelled now his voice with more confidence.
"Stop putting him on a pedestal Matt! I'm starting to question your sexuality and if you even tried to sleep with Asha. You seem to have a big fucking crush on him so why don't you do it?" Boss started yelling as Ben King came through the door from all the commotion. "What the hell is going on here?" He spoke up letting his presence be known. "Don't question my orientation when you clearly will try it with anybody!" Matt now yelled. "Be careful Matt. I let you live once, and stopped myself from killing you again, but don't push your luck." Boss explained calmly but still with a hint of anger. "Hey, how about you two just shut the hell up already? What is going on?" Ben King intervened as he put his body in between the massive boss and the small frigid and confident agent.
"He has slept with Asha. We were trying to have a civilized discussion until he brought that up." Matt explained. "I gave you Asha for a reason. Besides we barely did anything, and for good reason too." Boss explained. It was odd how just Ben King's presence calmed them down. Maybe Ben was just a naturally calming person, even with the past he has had, but now the situation was resolved. "Try convincing her one more time. By the way why did she reject you?" Boss had to ask. Matt didn't want explain it in detail. He just shrugged his shoulders and walked back out. "Fuck it. Johnny you can have Shaundi. I'll see if I can make amends with Kinzie. Hopefully she won't kill me." Boss explained as Johnny just nodded once and left the room.
"What about me?" Pierce asked. The boss turned to look at him and smiled. "We've actually got a secret passenger on board I didn't tell you about, she's all kinds of woman, and the best part about it…" Boss held out for Pierce's sake as he let the dramatic aura take place until Pierce couldn't take it. "What? Tell me the best part!" Pierce almost yelled. "She has never done it. You get to be her first. Trust me she is a huge fan of you as well." Boss explained as Pierce got up and rushed out of the room to find out who it was. The boss only followed slowly after Pierce as he rushed around looking in every crevice of the ship.
"Where is she? Who is she? Is she white? Asian? Hispanic? Japanese? Oh… Don't tell me… Is she a model?" Pierce asked with glee. "The hottest in the known universe." Boss milked it. "Where is she man?" Pierce asked not taking the suspense anymore. "You know that one room that was always locked, down here where Kinzie sits with her laptop sometimes. Not the airlock, but the one right here." Boss pointed to the room. "Yeah…" Pierce wondered. "Turns out this ship had a refugee from earth, and she so happens to be a model, plus she never got the chance to hone her sexual skills." Boss said as he nodded his eyebrows. "Let me in!" Pierce yelled.
"On one condition. This is the only person you may do it with." Boss said as Pierce agreed with a frustration unparalleled. The boss opened the door as Pierce rushed in cartoon style and looked around. He saw there was a red light and somber music coming from somewhere further down. Pierce rushed around with a look of satisfaction and wanting but quickly turned to dismay. On the bed he saw what appeared to be an alien, but it wasn't just any alien. It was a Zin female alien, and she looked almost the same as any other, aside from the "bust" she had. "Oh, hell no!" Pierce yelled as he tried running back out but the door was locked. "Let me out!" Pierce yelled.
The boss only chuckled at his evil plan. He never thought a Zin female would come in handy like this, but hopefully Pierce won't be too pissed. After all she was the hottest in the known galaxy. Yeah, he said universe, but he didn't know the difference. Either way they weren't in the galaxy for Earth anymore, but in another system where the Zin held their kind. "Hey Kinzie you want to fuck?" Boss asked Kinzie. Kinzie only sighed. "What do you want to do this time?" She asked.
"Let's make a kid." Boss said. "Never heard of that one." Kinzie said missing the point he made. "No really. We need more humans. What do you say?" Boss asked. Kinzie shook her head in disgust. "No! I don't want that involvement!" Kinzie yelled. "I could always get Matt to…" Boss said. "Finish that sentence you won't wake up." She said pointing at him. She then punched him hard in the face and stormed off. Soon all of the men who failed their attempts at courting the females came back to the table. All except Pierce.
"So… Where is our face of the Saints?" Johnny had to ask. "Don't know. Oh right I made him stay with a Zin lady. I locked the door on him, and I think she has the key." Boss explained. "How did that work out?" Matt asked as boss explained it all and they finally saw Pierce walk through the door whistling merrily as he strutted past the men who failed. "What are you so giddy about you cheeky fuck?" Johnny asked. "Oh nothing." Pierce said. Soon the Zin female came out from the door as she was followed by unknown entities.
"What the fuck are those spiders?" Johnny asked tilting his head. "Spiders!" Matt yelled as he jumped up. "Hey, those are my kids man, we have Pierce Jr., Pierce Diddy, Pierce Pac, and Zarf." Pierce explained as the odd combination of human and Zin waltzed around the room. "What the hell? How did you get kids so fast?" Boss asked. "Zin girls birth them quick as hell, and usually come in groups of eight. She's the rare kind that only births four, but who cares." Pierce explained. He then left the room with the Zin female and ugly hybrids as they all just let their heads fall on the table.
"Wasn't the point of this to make more humans?" Johnny asked head still down. "I guess Pierce doesn't care." Boss said. That is how Pierce Washington of the third street Saints became the most well respected on the planet of Zin, from helping conquering Zinyak, to bedding the best looking alien from their planet, and now his dreams of being the boss are fulfilled. Just to a certain extent of course, since the boss did become the supreme overlord of the planet, but wasn't as respected as Pierce.