This is a one shot that takes place after the season finale of Chicago Fire Season 6. I think we're all still traumatized by what happened to Dawsey and I decided to use my emotions and thoughts about it to write this little one shot. I know I have to update my other story too and I'm working on it but I needed to get this off my chest first. I couldn't write happy Dawsey after what I saw last night.

I hope you'll enjoy this little story.

Miss Eliza

„Tell me about Puerto Rico." Gabby looked at Chief Hatcher.

"Do you want to go there?" He asked. "We could really need some good paramedics there."

Deep inside her Gabby didn't know what to do or how to feel and running away from her pain seemed like a good idea. "Yes, I want to." After she said the words out loud she felt numb. Chief Hatcher continued to talk about the program and her options and she just nodded. After a few minutes the Chief realized that Gabby wasn't really listening.

"Dawson?" He touched her shoulder. "What's the matter with you? If your head is not in the game you can't go to Puerto Rico."

"No no no." Gabby hastened to say. "I'm 100% in. I was just thinking"

Chief Hatcher nodded. "Great. I'll get the paperwork done. Do you want to inform Boden or shall I do that?"

"You can do that." Gabby was afraid Chief Boden would talk her out of it and right now she didn't want advice.

"All right, Dawson. I'll get it done." He greeted and left. Gabby stood in front of the fire academy and watched the candidates doing drills. She thought about her latest argument with Matt. His words echoed in her head. "Either we're in it together or we're not in it at all." A single tear rolled down her cheek. He didn't understand. She wanted a baby so badly, that she was willing to risk her life for it. It was worth the risk. Why couldn't he see that? There was a 90% chance that everything would be fine. Adopting was not an option for her, not after what happened with Louie. Losing another child would break her, she knew that. And she really wanted a baby of their own, but instead she was facing the break of her marriage. It was all her fault and she knew it, her body was failing her. She couldn't give her husband what he wanted most in the world. Maybe it was better for both of them that she decided to leave. But the thought of losing the love of her life broke everything inside her. She couldn't think clearly anymore. All she could feel was pain, a sharp pain in her chest. It was hard to breath and the world around her started to turn. Gabby screamed in pain before she fell on the ground and cried. She didn't have the strength to stand up and go home. Did she still have a home? Gabby couldn't tell. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head a little bit and saw a familiar face and an extended hand to help her up. Gabby took it.

"Let's talk." He gestured towards his car and she followed him. When she opened the door and got into the car, Chief Boden looked at her and thought she looked broken. He felt sorry for her.

"How did you know I was here?" Gabby decided to break the silence.

"Chief Hatcher told me about you wanting to go to Puerto Rico. I was at headquarters when he called me and I decided to come over here to talk to you about that. But then I saw you crying on the floor. Gabby, what's the matter? This isn't about Puerto Rico is it?"

Gabby shook her head, tears rolled down her cheeks. Boden took her hand. "Is it about you and Casey?"

Gabby nodded and started to sob. Boden looked at the heartbroken woman in his passenger seat and had a hard time not to start crying too. "What happened? Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't."

"Shall I drive you home?"

"I think I don't have a home anymore." She cried.

"You'll always have a home. 51 is your home and your coworkers are your family. We all care deeply for you."

"Well you shouldn't. I'm not worth it." Gabby turned her head and looked out of the window.

"What does that mean? Dawson, what happened between you and Casey?" Boden was confused.

"It's all my fault."

"I refuse to believe that. You can both be very stubborn." He started the engine and put the car in drive.

"I can't be dependent on someone. Not even Matt. I need my freedom and he knew that when he married me. He knew who I am. Why can't he accept that I need to make my own decisions." Gabby's hear felt heavy in her chest. "I don't want to lose him but I need to be independent."

"Listen to me, Dawson." Boden stopped the car took her hand. "It's not a bad thing to be dependent on someone who loves you more than anything in the world and it sure isn't wrong to make important decisions together. Carrying the weight together makes life easier, that's the whole sense of marriage. To share the good things and the bad. That doesn't mean you're losing your independence. It just means you have someone to rely on, someone to share your hopes and fears with. It's not always about making the other person happy, it's about going through life together with all its obstacles. You don't have to give up your life, just share it with Matt."

Boden started driving again and after a few minutes Gabby realized what his destination was.

"I can't talk to him now." Gabby refused to get out of the car when Boden stopped it in front of their building.

"Oh you can and you will." He said sternly. "You will go inside and talk to your husband until you have sorted out everything. Running away isn't an option. Never was. That's not how you are. You aren't a coward, Gabby Dawson. You are superwoman. Now move your ass inside your apartment and talk to your husband. Pardon my French but I think you needed someone to kick your butt."

Gabby obeyed and opened the door to get out of the car. Before closing it she looked at the Chief. "Thank you."

He just nodded and she walked towards her and Matt's apartment. When she opened the front door, she saw him. He was still sitting at the dinner table. His hands covered his face and he was crying. He didn't even notice her coming home. Gabby closed the door and walked over to her husband. It was hard for her to see him like this. She put her hand on his shoulder and he looked up. Neither of them said anything, Matt just got up and took her in his arms. Once she was in his embrace she started sobbing too. They just stood there, next to the dinner table and cried in each other's arms until they had no tears left.

Gabby looked up and her sad brown eyes met Matt's blue ones.

"Gabby, baby, I can't lose you." His voice was still hoarse. "I love you too much."

She almost started crying again when she started speaking. "I love you so much, I can't live without you. It would kill me. Just the thought of losing you broke me."

Matt caressed her back. "What do you mean?"

"I went to the academy to talk to Chief Hatcher about going to Puerto Rico."

"You did what?!" Matt interrupted her but Gabby stopped him.

"Let me explain." She buried her head in his chest. "I think we should sit down."

He nodded and they walked over to the couch. Gabby took Matt's hands. "Last shift Chief Hatcher came by and asked me if I wanted to go to Puerto Rico to work there at an aid project. I told him I wasn't interested but then this whole mess happened and I just flipped. So I went to the academy to talk to him. He told me everything about it, gave me some info brochures and told me he would talk to Boden about getting the paperwork done. When he left, I realized what I had done, what I had put at risk. I wanted a baby so badly that I completely forgot everything else. I was so sure I had lost you and then there was this sharp pain in my chest and I broke down on the floor and cried. Boden found me and drove me back home."

It was hard for Gabby to continue but she took a deep breath and looked at her husband. "I'm sorry I didn't make it clear earlier but we're in it together." She repeated his words. "I know I have told you this before and you're right. I am afraid to be dependent on someone. Even if it's you. But Chief told me that being dependent on someone who loves you is actually a good thing. He said we should carry the weight together, that would make it easier for both of us and I think he's right. But I don't know how to do it. I was independent my whole life."

Matt had listened to his wife the whole time. Once she finished talking he took his hands from hers and gently stroke her cheek. "You were right earlier. You are single-minded and independent and that's why I love you and why I married you. It's not a bad thing but from time to time you need to let me in. You can't make this decisions on your own, because we're a team. You are my other half, without you I'm not complete." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I felt the pain in the chest too. It was like a knife cutting into my heart."

Gabby's eyes grew wide. "That's exactly how I felt when Boden found me lying on the floor."

She could see the hurt in Matt's eyes as she told him about being in so much pain. "I didn't know it before but now I do. I can't go to Puerto Rico and I won't. I want to work this out. I want us to be a family and I still want to have a baby."

A small smile appeared on her husband's face. "What did Boden say to you?"

"He basically kicked my butt and told me to go back home to talk to you. Said marriage is not about always being happy but to face obstacles together and become stronger by clearing them."

"He is a wise man" Matt took her hands again. "This won't be easy but I think we can work it out, what do you say?"

"I'm sure we can." Gabby knew she had to tell him everything now. "I feel like I failed you. Like my body failed both of us. I feel like it's all my fault." She started to cry again. "I thought a 10% risk of death was worth it and it never crossed my mind what that would do to you. I want to get pregnant so badly, I don't want us to adopt. Not only because of what happened with Louie. I want us to have a baby of our own, with our genes. I know it's selfish but I can't help it." She looked him in the eyes. "It's what I want."

Matt took a deep breath before he said something. "I know. I know how badly you want a baby of our own, because that's what I want too. But I don't want to risk your life to get what I want. I want you more than everything else, because I love you to the moon and back. And you haven't failed me. It's not your fault, it's nobody's fault as cruel as it seems. I know we don't deserve this but now we have to deal with it. We will get through this. I'm there for you, always. Every step of the way." Tears were rolling down his face again. "And I shouldn't have said to you that you can't have a baby. That was cruel and totally uncalled for. I'm sorry for that and I'm sorry for going to the adoption agency without telling you. I just wanted to get some information to help us making a decision. But I did what I accused you of. I left you out and again I'm really sorry."

Gabby managed to smile. "At least I know now how you felt when I did that to you. We've created a huge mess, haven't we?"

Matt nodded. "But we'll get through this, because we really do love each other." He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her. Gabby leaned her forehead against his and smiled. "Yes, we can and we will. I know it won't be easy but you need to tell me right away when I start again to do things on my own."

"I promise and I'll work on my communication skills too. We can both be so stubborn…"

Gabby laughed. "Yes, that's what Boden said too. But we can't let our stubbornness get in the way of our marriage."

"I totally agree." He kissed her again. "Maybe we should talk to someone."

"I think that's a great idea. How about a few sessions with Chaplain Orlovsky? We know him and we trust him. Plus I want to talk to another doctor about the aneurism. I know there's treatment for that. Maybe they can remove it."

"Sounds good to me. We need to know all our options." Matt looked at his gorgeous wife and it took a load off his mind. Finally they were on the same page again or at least working on it.

"That's why I want you to tell me everything they told you at the adoption agency. We'll collect all necessary information before we make a decision." Before she could finish Matt attacked her with a kiss. "Wow, what was that for?"

"You said WE will make a decision." He smiled at her.

Gabby smirked. "I know. I'm working on it. I don't want to behave like a selfish bitch anymore."

Matt was shocked. "Baby, you never behaved like a bitch. Maybe a little bit selfish but I'm to blame too. It's not only your fault. I truly believe we'll get through this and have a baby either way."

Gabby snuggled up against his chest. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For loving me and for always being here for me and for not giving up on me. For everything."

Matt smiled. "It's the easiest thing in the world for me to love you. You are worth it. I love you so much."

"I love you too. I can't express with words how much I love you. I was so afraid to lose you and I'm so glad we talked it out. It was the first step in the right direction." She kissed him and he chuckled. "You're absolutely right my love."