Coffee should be Black as hell
Summary: She wants to say "I've missed you, too" but she doesn't believe it herself, so she goes for "Drink your coffee" instead. // MarleneGideon
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter Universe belongs to J. K. Rowling. Not to me, unfortunately, although I did ask for it. Santa must have missed it. I do not earn any money with this.
He drinks his coffee with milk and one teaspoonful of sugar.
The cup – his usual one – is sitting there, waiting for him quietly in the corner of the table. It's dark blue, with tiny, shiny stars painted all over it ("because you're a star", Lily teases him when he unwraps her Christmas present and stares at it, totally bewildered) and it looks rather lost, with no fingers holding on to it, no lips drinking from it.
Marlene knows that he will come. They told her, just this morning, that his mission is finished, that he is free to go back to London or whereever he wants to. (Of course he doesn't have to go to London. What on Earth makes her think he would go to her flat when he could go to Fabian's or Molly's or his parents' instead? She really isn't that special.)
She has put a spell on the coffee to keep it warm for him, may he come tonight or tomorrow or whenever. Marlene has grown used to have him around at the most awkward of times; sometimes he stops by after work, in the middle of the night, and she is always awake and has some coffee ready. She doesn't want to fail him now. He deserves that coffee. He's a hero now, she reminds herself, he's a hero and the least she can do is brew some coffee because that's all he'll get from her.
(And maybe a slice of cake. But that is it.)
She should have put an end to all this ... nonsense months ago. She shouldn't have started it in the first place but it's too late now for regrets that can't change anything anyway. It's so hard to say "No" to him when he looks at her with these big, brown eyes, dark like melting chocolate. It's so hard even when she tells him that it would be for his own good and for the best and couldn't they stay friends, please?
He doesn't listen. He never listens. Never used to. He plays pranks and makes other people laugh when all they want to do is curl up in bed and cry. It's the same with her, really. He doesn't care that she tries to send him away. Instead, he usually just throws his arms around her even tighter and kisses her neck and whispers sweet nothings into her ear until she's all soft and relaxed and can't bring herself to throw him out.
When the clock strikes eleven, there is a knock on her door and Gideon's voice saying "It's me. Can I come in?" and just for a moment, Marlene considers to pretend she's asleep. Then she sighs and answers "Of course", takes up her wand and unlocks the door.
Gideon brings a cloud of fresh air with him as he enters her flat. He looks the same – all ginger hair and freckled face and big, huge grin. He pulls her into a cordial hug and says "I've missed you" and Marlene knows that she should say "I've missed you, too" but she doesn't believe it herself, so she goes for "Drink your coffee" instead.
She watches him sip his hot, steaming coffee and tries to ignore his happy smile when he realises that she's already put milk and sugar in, that she remembers how he takes his coffee. It's nothing, really, she remembers everyone's way of drinking their teas and coffees. They're all stopping by at her flat, for a chat and a cuppa and a slice of whatever she's been baking.
(Fabian takes milk and one sugar as well; they're twins, after all. Remus takes milk and two sugar. Moody just milk. Lily more milk than coffee. More milk than tea, actually, since she's pregnant and James thinks that too much caffeine might be bad for the baby. James drinks tea, anyway, with just a drop of milk. Sirius ...- Sirius takes coffee, black.)
She takes her eyes off of his thin lips and focuses on his chin. It's a nice one, with just the faintest hint of a ginger beard. "How've you been?", she asks and doesn't know whether she's interested or just polite. She listens to his answer anyway. He talks about Death Eaters and attacks and they both sit there in silence and think of Bellatrix Black and Rodolphus Lestrange and all those others they've known from school and they wonder when it all went wrong and turned into this nightmare.
"Coffee's good", he smiles and leans back on his chair. He looks like he belongs into her kitchen, she suddenly thinks. He's been here so often, he's almost become part of the furniture. She wouldn't be surprised to come home one night and find Gideon sitting in her living-room. Marlene knows that he would probably like that very much. He was never cagey about the fact that he liked (liked) her, a lot.
"Glad to hear", she replies in what he calls her casual voice. They've known each other forever but he looks different now. More -... grown up, maybe. He's seen the terrors of a starting war and still he doesn't tell her stories which would make him sound like a hero. He's never been one for showing off. It's not his fault, Marlene thinks, it's not his fault that she can't see what everyone else is seeing in him. It's not his fault that he's Gideon and not- .
When he gets up from his chair to kiss her, long and deep and desperate, he tastes like the coffee she's just brewed for him. She should pull away before it's too late but his kiss is hungry and his hand in her hair holds her close to him. He whispers "Merlin, how I've missed you" into her ear and makes her skin crawl. She nods and is glad she doesn't have to answer because he kisses her again.
It should be enough, Marlene thinks. It should be enough to have someone who loves her and cares for her (even if it's the wrong one- .), especially if that someone is gentle, handsome, intelligent, funny, brave Gideon Prewett (what does it matter if the other one is more handsome, maybe more intelligent, maybe braver, what does it matter if the other one is shining brighter than everyone else, shouldn't she be glad that she's got a bird in the hand, she doesn't need two in the bush --- but it matters everything).
He will always be the man who loves her, the one she can depend one, the one she doesn't want, or not enough at least. She wants passion and surrender and while Gideon is sweet and foolishly in love with her, he doesn't burn holes of longing into her heart.
Sometimes she feels sorry for him. Sometimes Marlene hates herself because she treats him so badly, because he is her friend, because she takes advantage of him.
When he finishes their kiss, he smiles at her and asks, "Can I stay overnight?" and his eyes are big and chocolatey and how could she say "No" to a war hero who has just come home? Marlene nods and Gideon kisses her and swallows all the thousand things she had wanted to say to make him leave before- .
It's winter and it's cold, she's lonely and he wants to be with her, Merlin knows why, because he really deserves better, he shouldn't be a substitute, and he shouldn't go for her, but he knows about that and still wants to stay so Marlene simply nods and lets him.
Gideon doesn't finish his coffee. He's too busy being happy and kissing Marlene and Marlene is too busy fighting her bad conscience. He came to her, she thinks, he could have gone home to see his family and instead he chose to come to her and she's really not fair on him. She's not surprised that Fabian has taken to dislike her over the past few months.
Later that night they're lying in her bed, naked and breathing hard. Gideon's pressed against her back and when he whispers "I love you", she pretends she's asleep and only starts crying after he's drifted off to sleep.
the end