Hellsing vs The Bathroom Mirror

by Fangirl Central

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, can the Hellsing staff survive it all? Ghost and ghouls make no stall, but Alucard might make Integra bounce down the hall. A look at a rather interesting day at the Hellsing Manor. Read and review or Alucard will get you.

Author's Note:

OUR FIRST STORY EVER!! (Together)

Flames keep us toasty-oasty at night, so feel free to flame us. But, people, seriously now…don't be haters. Just enjoy the frickin story.

Hugs and kisses,

Lina and Liz

Dum…dum…dumdummmmm….

…boo.

Disclaimer: This story has some sexual references in it and all those who are not comfortable with such things should not read this story.

Furthermore, no actual crack was consumed in the making of this fic.

Hellsing…vs.…. the Bathroom Mirror

1. Alucard

Waking up from his coffin with only the thought of the bathroom's rejuvenating comforts in mind, Alucard shuffled off with a yawn into the dim florescent light. After having finished his "business," Alucard turned to the mirror and said:

"Mirror, mirror on the wall…aren't I the evilest of them all?" And in the mirror, staring back out at him was Girlycard with her (or his) lips puckered out in a seductive expression.

"Oh, why yes you are you big strong vampire you."

"Mmm…yes, you like that don't you?" Alucard strokes his chest and gives himself (or herself) a sultry stare.

"Oh yeah…" Girlycard replies. "Oh my…you're such a big strong vampire."

Flexing his muscles, Alucard's ego becomes even more inflamed as he soon becomes enamored with himself.

"You like big strong, vampire muscles?"

"Oh, yes! Yes I do!" She giggles and licks her lips.

"Would you like to be my lemming for the evening?" Girlycard giggles and blushes.

"Oh, you King of Vampires!" She does a careless flick of her hand, like that of a playful swat. "You're such a naughty king."

"Mmm…yes, oh things that I would do to your-"

"Master…?" Comes the small and timid voice of Seras Victoria as she opens up the door to find her master courting himself. "W-w-what are you doing?"

Alucard with a sudden fury jumps back from the mirror and closes his once fully open bathrobe tightly about himself. (And I mean all of himself.)

"Uh…I…um…"

Seras' sweet and innocent child-like face stared up at him with curiosity. All the while trying to repress the laughter welling up inside her. With a snigger she says:

"Do…do you want me to come back later? When you're not so…um…" She gestures to the mirror, "busy?"

"I was just done here, thank you very much!" With an indignant huff, Alucard turns away from the mirror and strides quickly out of the bathroom. Leaving a laughing Seras to gape at his embarrassed, retreating form.

Trying to control her giggles, Seras turns away from the spot where Alucard once stood and walks over to the mirror to fix her hair. Expecting to see nothing at all, but is now confronted with Alucard's previous obsession.

"AHH WALTER!! HELP ME!!"

Seras is quickly silenced and all that is heard within the dungeon floor is a soft sickly-sweet giggle.