His onyx eyes were blank. Slowly, he placed his flat hand to cup his eyes, as if to make sure I was actually there.
"Jake," I said, injecting all the affection I could muster into his name.
He said nothing. We stood there, contemplating each other. I waited, frightened for the inevitable outburst. I knew him too well.
The expectant dread sagged in the depths of my soul as I saw the shock spread over his features. A gleam of recognition was evident in the opened grimace of his mouth, of his widened eyes. He saw me, in my new shell, glorified features, ones that must have also emanated something hideous to him.
"He did it," Jacob's lips barely moved, but his words sounded clear as a ringing bell. Amazing senses, I thought to myself.
"I asked him to," I took a step towards him. He didn't back away as I feared he would, but I saw the contour of his leg tremble, as if bracing to.
"The deal we made," He was louder, but now calmer.
"Oh, bullocks, Jacob," I snapped. "Don't give me the surprise act. You know it was going to happen, deal or no deal, didn't you?"
His eyes flickered past me, and then back. "I had an idea that the bloodsucker might give in to temptation –"
"Oh, Jacob, you always pretended not to understand, it was never about that, it was about me, and him, see?" I was nearly shouting. "I begged him to change me, I loved him –" Jacob's frame twitched, " – so I begged him. And he –" I took a sharp breath. "Loves me, so he refused. But it wasn't even him who did it, it was Carlisle who had to do it, anyway, so –" My eyes were shining with tears of pride. "Contrary to your beliefs, Edward didn't do anything wrong!"
Jacob laughed humorlessly. "Oh, so you think that's going to help, huh? The agreement was that none, not any of the bloodsuckers would change you. It wasn't limited to your dear Edward."
"Oh, but you haven't answered me," I fired back. "Did you really expect that to happen?"
Jacob said nothing for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was a little raspy, as if fighting back emotion. "I thought – maybe our friendship….was important enough to…"
A pang shot through me. But, I thought to myself, what's done is done.
"What's done is done, Jacob." I said quietly. "But listen, our friendship does matter to me. More than you'd think. But Jacob, you were really forcing me to choose."
"And you chose him."
"I love him," I said flatly. "But I love you too. But as a friend, my best friend. See! You were wrong to think that you could ever make a sort of – a sort of rivalry between you and Edward."
His nose wrinkled, as if he smelled something very bad. Which, since I was now a vampire, probably did. Smell bad to him, that is.
"Well, you know the consequences," Jacob said, almost disdainfully.
"Oh, grow up, Jacob!" I exploded. "All-out warfare between the vampires and the werewolves is not going to drive me into your arms!"
"This is no longer personal," Jacob said supremely. I knew he was saying it to hurt me. "Consent or not, the Cullens have transformed a human being in our midst. The treaty is over."
"Jacob, you know I won't settle for anything but peace. Peaceful coexistence," I said desperately. "They have never harmed a single human being, they've lived on this land for ages. Let it go. This was not the primary intent of the original treaty, and you know it."
"It's up to the council now to decide the Cullens' fates," he said, maddeningly bureaucratic. I was irked beyond anything. "Jacob, you certainly can't take Edward or Carlisle, even if you wanted to!" I retorted bitingly. Then I realized I had said the wrong thing. I had let him get to me.
He chuckled. "Oh, I know some who would very much like to get their hands on your darling bloodsucker. Not me, personally, but some very…frightening people."
If he expected me to cower and give in, then frankly, I wasn't going to do it. "Are you threatening us?"
"Us?" He raised his eyebrows. "Interesting. I always knew you were attracted to their filthy smell, but still…"
I ignored the jab. I took a deep breath. It had come to what I had feared, the choosing sides. I thought of Edward's keen golden eyes, his fingers on my lips when he had told me he loved me, his life, his everything. I thought of his clench of my arm when the Volturi had threatened me.
I had thought it through and through. I was a vampire, I was one of them. The choice had seemed obvious, but I still hesitated. Was Jacob's laugh to me as sweet as Edward's? That fateful day, when I was sure that Jacob would have kissed me if not for Edward's panicked phone call, had I revealed that I was willing to love Jacob the way I did Edward?
However, my thoughts had jumbled and kicked and repelled until my resolution was shining clear as the flowing river next to where I now stood, as solid as the stone which Edward had carved my name.
"Jacob," I said quietly and clearly. "No matter how insecure you may be, I do treasure you as a friend. But if you ever hurt Edward – if any one of your pack ever touches any one of the Cullens – Alice, Carlisle, whomever – then I will pick a side. And it won't be the side you want."
His mouth clenched.
The tears of anger, of loving protection, flowed freely down my cheeks, while my voice and my heart was still remarkably calm. The tears felt like icy crystals. "I'm as strong as any of you, now. I am able to maim, to wound, to kill, and trust me, I will. If any of you," I halted, and abruptly turned. It was best, to walk away now.
I had taken only five steps when Jacob spoke. It was so soft, of longing and of love that it halted me in my walk.
"I miss you."
I turned swiftly. My resolve trembled. I shook my head.
"Don't force me," I said, and then I ran into the forest, so light and swift that a deer could not have outran me.