Some days she couldn't remember her name.
She didn't know how long she'd been here, there were no windows, no skylight, nothing to mark the walls with if she was able to track the days. Food came when it came, no real schedule, and it certainly did not come nearly enough. She wondered how she was alive sometimes, if it would be easier to die. In the height of the pain, she wanted to slip away. They wouldn't let her, she knew that.
The sound of approaching footsteps once made her heart race in anticipation, caused her whole body to fill with cold dread, but now she lay still, waiting for the inevitable. Rough gloved hands wrapped around her bruised arms and dragged her wherever they wanted her anyway.
More often than not she was strung up on the wall. She let her head lull forward, hands straining above her head, legs spread, naked body open to any attack. She doesn't remember the last time she stared her captor in the eyes, even when he gripped her cheeks and forced her face to meet his she resisted. Her entire body ached with the effort to stay conscious.
The lucid days came few and far between in the beginning. Several days went by with ample food, not grasping hands, time to rest. She came to. She sat up, stood, stretched her torn body. Her cell, wherever it was, was quiet in these times. Food appeared while she was unconscious, no one bothered her. In these days she thought about home, billions of miles away. She thought her of her team, how much she missed them.
She wondered if she remembered the information they were trying to get out of her. Of course she remembered her past life, although the edges were starting to get fuzzy. Those days stopped coming all together when they realised she wasn't cracking. Food became less and less, the footsteps came more and more. All that filled her mind was pain. It filled her days with misery too harsh to bare. She stayed loyal to her cause through her isolation.
She stopped planning her escape, stopped expecting a rescue, kept living because she couldn't die.
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This work is inspired by all those other fics where Sam gets tortured, I think the og for me was Sticks & Stones on gateworld. RIP gateworld fanfic.
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