-From Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, in order. If I was Link/Wolf Link, I would think or say these things in these scenes below. I find some of these scenes rather annoying, like having to entertain those bratty kids: Beth, Talo, and Malo and getting yelled at for throwing pumpkins that grow back if you go in a house and walk back out. May add more in the future… may not.-
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or the game from Legend of Zelda. Real sayings off of game.
~Scene: In Ordon Village, Link is searching for rupees. What is more fun than smashing pumpkins for rupees? (I have always wanted to say this to Jaggle, but of course Link does not speak in the game)
Link: (throws a pumpkin at the ground and gets… ONE WHOLE RUPEE!!! Yay!)
Jaggle: Yo! Don't waste food!
Link: (glares up at the ledge Jaggle is standing on) I'm not! It is called "me looking for rupees to buy a stupid slingshot to entertain Beth and your bratty kids!
Jaggle: Yo! Don't waste food!
Link: Just go into a house and come back out and , POOF, there they are again so go bug someone else!
Jaggle: Yo! Don't wast food!
Link: Shut up! No one cares!
~Scene: Link is standing next to Hanch in front of Fado's house with the big tree on top of it.
Hanch: Well hey, 'mornin Link. Got a day off from work today, m'boy?
Link: (Wait… is Hanch an old woman or a guy? Maybe I should've looked at that script this morning…)
Hanch: Not me. The wife's been hassling me… Today's the day to restock our store.
Link: (Oops, I wasn't listening… wait… what is that on his… her… face? Is that a bug or something? Oh! That's a… mustache? You call that a mustache?!)
Hanch: Look! See that? Up in that tree… you can get a better view by tilting C stick up and then using analog stick to around, just by the way.
Link: (Why do I need to see it if you are showing me it right now? Seriously. Gosh.)
Hanch: Yeah, some Ordon bees built themselves a fine nest up there, and I was thinking about knocking it down…
Link: (Walks away)
(later on)
Hanch: (throws a rock at Ordon bees' nest, a cloud of bees flies after him, and he starts screaming and heading for the water)
Link: (rolls eyes) (He is not very smart… took me that long to figure it out…)
~Scene: Link goes in house to see what Rusl left him. There is a chest and Link opens it…
Words type out on screen: (forgot to look at bottom of screen for the right words) You got the wooden Ordon sword!
Link: What the crap! How is this piece of tree going to slice a goblin guy dead? Oh yeah, those baddies out there are really going to be afraid of my wooden sword and me. (rolls eyes) They are going to be trembling when I come at them and whack the side of their head with my dinky sword while they bash me tell I bleed to death with their wooden clubs or slice me up with their swords made of METAL or shoot me with a bunch of arrows or fire or ice. Come on! Wooden?! Ooh, so scary and deadly!
~Scene: Talo, Malo, and Beth want Link to show off his sword skills.
Talo: C'mon, teach us how to use a sword!
Link: (No way!) Yes.
Talo: Yes!
(scene changes, children and Link are standing in front of a helpless scarecrow… poor scarecrow)
Talo: All right! First off, we wanna see THAT move! The slice! Uh… you just swing with B button, right?
Link: (Why do I always have to be the one entertaining these brats?) (presses B button on controller and swings sword at the innocent scarecrow)
Talo: (copies move by swinging a stupid stick) Yeah! A Vertical Slice! Was that it? Was it? I've definitely seen you do a horizontal slice before, too. You know, where you just press B button. All right, next!
Beth: Ooh! Ooh! I wanna see that other move, Link! Yeah! The one where you just tilt the analog stick up while pressing L button to lock on and press B button to flex your muscles and… stab!
Link: (makes a disgusted face)
Malo: (mumbles)… Oh please. The stab?
Link: (Ugh!) (does stab)
Beth: Ooh. Link! Just amazing! Since you at it, how about you show us that other move… Y'know, that little twirly thing you do! I love that! What do you call it? A spin attack?
Link: (Twirly thing? Pffffffft!)
Malo: (continues annoying, but helpful mumbling) Like it is hard to briefly press B button and release it.
Link: (does spin attack)
Beth: Ooh, WOW! Thanks Link!
Link: (Oh gosh I think I am going to throw up. I wish she would stop acting like that and using that gushy voice of hers :P.)
(After the last attack, Monkey appears, and stupid Talo and his stupid stick go after it)
Link: (Great… now I have to save the bratty kid. I wonder how life would be like without him… hmmm… maybe I should just let them go run off…mmm… yeah, might as well go get 'em…) (sigh)
~Scene: Link is going off to save Talo, but has to get a lantern from gatekeeper Coro.
Coro: Whoa! An Ordonian! Hey Guy!
Link: (Dude! Are wearing a diaper?!)
Coro: Listen, I'm not sure you should be wandering around the woods without a lantern. Just because it is daylight doesn't mean it is safe.
Link: (No seriously… are you wearing a diaper? And what is with the bird nest in your head?)
~Scene: After Link speaks with Coro and gets the lantern, he heads back to where he left
Epona and is about to walk into a cave when a Deku Baba pops up.
Link: (changes into a fighting stance and presses L button to lock on) Fear me and my wooden sword evildoer!
Deku Baba: (sways back and forth and drools purplish blood and swings its tough head at Link and knocks him over)
Link: Ow. I'm okay! (stands back up and jumps at the evildoer)
Deku Baba: (repeats attack)
Link: Ow… again… okay… seriously, you gotta fear my wooden sword. I shall spill your blood on this ground I am standing on with my scary-deadly wooden blade… made of… well wood.
~Scene: Link is in the cave with his lantern and scary wooden sword out. He burns down a giant spider web and continues moving forward. He walks right up to a rat chewing on a skull.
Link: (screams like a little girl) Ah! A rat! Somebody kill it kill it kill it!!!
Rat: (snarls and bites Link)
Link: (swings sword around him like a mad man) Die die die die die die die die die!!!
(a few minutes later and Link is still swinging his sword down at the… dead rat, still screaming, "Die die die die die die die die die!!!" Gee… what a hero)
~Scene: Ilia is admiring Epona while Link speaks to Mayor Bo. She gets mad at Link because Epona got a scratch.
Link: Oh come on Ilia! You can barely see it and Epona can still stand and run and jump fences! You act like she is going to die or something.
Ilia: (I imagine she would slap him if he said that…) (Jerk!) (SLAP)
~Scene: Colin and Link are going to go see Ilia, but Talo and Malo are in the way. Talo wants Link's sword.
Talo: Oh, hey, neat! Link! Lemme borrow that wooden sword! If I'd had that wooden sword yesterday, I could've handled it all alone, definitely! C'mon! Let me borrow that wooden sword right now!
Link: (Why so I can save you AGAIN? Or so you can go and kill someone by accident or do something stupid… like… uh… poke your eye out?) Sorry, kid.
Talo: What?! Why not? It's OK! Just lemme borrow it! Look, we're never gonna let you leave here until you tell us we can borrow it, Link! Come on, be a pal, Link! I'll take real good care of it, so lemme borrow your wooden sowrd!
Link: (Hmmm… let me think… NO! I could care less if you do not let me pass. I will just fire my slingshot at you and see you duck like a baby and Malo gets his head jerked back.) Sorry, but no.
Talo: What?! Why not? Aw, I thought for sure you were gonna let me borrow it.
Link: (Crybaby!)
Talo: I'll be real careful when I use it, so c'mon! Lemme borrow your wooden sword!
Link: (What's the word I am looking for… oh yeah… no!) Sorry but, no.
Talo: Gee, I thought for sure you'd lemme borrow it this time. Well, I guess neither of us are going anywhere. I'll be real careful when I use it, so c'mon! Lemme borrow your wooden sword!
Link: (Fine, but if you do something stupid, not my problem) I understand. OK. (hands dinky wooden sword to Talo)
Talo: Whoa! YESSS! (starts dancing like a moron for a few seconds and then stops and looks at Malo) With this thing… I'll show 'em!
Link: (Show 'em what, what a brat you are or what a crybaby you are? Yeah, I'm sure they will be sooooo scared of THAT sword.)
~Scene: Ordon Spring, Link is in wolf form for the very first time.
Wolf Link: (runs through the forest, but it stopped by a voice that talks in pretty gold letters)
Ordona: Wait… Come… to my spring…
Wolf Link: (walks to spring slowly and looks around) (Okay… I must be hearing things… water doesn't talk… creeeeepy…)
Ordona: You have… been transformed… by the power of shadow…)
Wolf Link: (Huh? Power of what?)
Ordona: Come… to me…
Wolf Link: (What if I do not want to cooome to yooou?) (walks a few steps forward and strange glowing rock thingies fall from the sky and create a red wall around Wolf Link)
Ordona: Beware… A shadow being… it approaches.
(creepy portal appears in sky and glows red. A butt-ugly monster falls out and lunges at Wolf Link)
Wolf Link: (bites it like a rabid wolf and it falls to the ground and vanishes in pretty, black, tiny squares and the red portal turns green)
(scene darkens a bit and rocks begin to glow green. A ripple forms from a water droplet and a bright light appears, forming into a giant scary glowing goat.)
Wolf Link: (What the!?)
Ordona: (Talks while boring music plays in background) O brave youth… I am one of the four light spirits that protect Hyrule at the behest of the gods, I am Ordona.
Wolf Link: (Ooh! Shiny! Do all of the whatever spirits thingies look like a demented goat too?)
Ordona: The black beast you slayed was a shadow being. It had come to seize the power of light I wield.
Wolf Link: (Uh… shiny goat thing, could you hurry this up and cut to the chase? I have stuff to do you know… like go places and see people.)
Ordona: My brethren in Hyrule have already had their light stolen by these beasts. The blight…
Wolf Link: (Okay… you lost me, I wasn't paying attention. Something about light.)
~~Scene: (always hate this kind of stuff) Some place where there is a bunch of monsters. Link kills them all and heads to a fancy looking chest.
Words: You got a blue rupee (5)! (woohoo!)
Link: All that for a stupid blue rupee?! I just lost two whole hearts for a dumb rupee that I could've found in a pumpkin or in the grass?!
~~Scene: Cave of Ordeals or wherever else there is Redeads
Redead: (slowly walks over to Link)
Link: Ah! Creepy dead guy!
Redead: (shrieks like a banshee and swings at Link, knocking him over)
Words: Game over
Link: Aw man! Come on! Well… at least they just shriek and hit you and do not scream, climb on you, and bite you in Wind Waker and Ocarina of Time… which is just plain creepy…
-Sorry if I have offended anyone. Please review and answer this, would you think these things in these scenes? If you would think something else in the scenes… what would it be?-