Author's note: Well, the story turned out to be longer than I expected it
to be, so it had to be chopped into pieces. (I suppose the shorter the part
is the easier it is to bear, anyway ^_^') I made an effort to imitate
Pratchett's style, which I found a rather difficult task, especially that
English is not my native tongue. Therefore I apologise for all the
mistakes. Anyway, I know this part is quite short and doesn't really reveal
much of the plot- I treat it as a kind of introduction. Hope you'll have as
much fun reading it as I had with the writing. If you think anything about
it, any comments or suggestions- please let me know ^__^ Lenka
FATAL ATTRACTION- part I
Hmm, this seems rather queer...- thought the vague figure, dressed all in black, after
having rung the hotel bell for at least ten times. Nobody answered. And that was, in turn, rather natural. It was always Nobody that bothered to answer the bells, sweep the floors, remove the cobwebs hanging from furniture, banisters and other both possible and impossible places of spider dwellings. Yes. Nobody did his job with real effort and devotion. It was just that he wasn't very good at it.
The dark figure sighed, rising a cloud of dust from the counter, and ventured the terribly creaky stairs, by the sound of it the home of countless colonies of borers and cockroaches. Nobody felt slightly ignored.
Death, having removed his black hood, set comfortably in a soft armchair in the darkest corner of the room. It was as dusty and smelly as the rest of the gods-forsaken place (Death couldn't be considered a god, since he dwelled in a quite different set of dimensions and thus was thought an outcast). However, the skeletal figure, half visible in the gloom, didn't seem to mind. He even grinned to himself (not that he could help it, anyway), and waited.
-Are you absolutely sure we are going the right way? –in Twoflower's voice there was a merely noticeable streak of doubt. Twoflower was the first tourist on the Disk, having miraculously developed the species' most characteristic feature- perfect ignorance of danger, based on the strongest faith in the good underlying all human nature and in the fact that all things could be sorted out by friendly chat over a couple of drinks. Danger, faced with this sort of attitude, immediately lost its self confidence and backed away shyly. Rincewind, a failed wizard of the Unseen University was presently occupied with reading an old, tattered map, which he was apparently holding upside down.
-Yes, I mean I'm quite sure... It must be this way. It's marked rather clearly.
-But Rincewind...
-Yes, yes, you see that black dot here must be that huge tree over there, and...- the wizard tattled on, unheeding
-Rncewind, look, it's the other way round!
-What? You mean the huge tree on the map is really a black dot ? That's...
-No! I mean you're holding the map the other way round!
-Oh, yes... sure, I knew it all the time... In that case it's... This way!- He pointed his finger
in an imprecise direction and then made an effort to follow it.
Twoflower, in his turn, had a vague impression that they were moving in circles. This, however, didn't bother him as long as the scenery was as beautiful as it had been so far and as long as he had his iconograph hanging around his neck.
They haven't quite disappeared from the view when there was a patter of hundreds of tiny feet down the path and there came the Luggage, visibly satisfied, a few leafed branches dragging behind it and a bird's nest on its lid.
-Oh, what a quaint place!- Twoflower exclaimed happily, looking admiringly at the small building, which cropped up out of nowhere in the middle of the wood.
Rincewind startled. With his experience with the little man and the quick uptake for languages he had learned that 'quaint' in the tourist slang meant extraordinary degree of shabbiness. He also soon found out that its closest synonym was "trouble". Now, with worried expression, he looked at the building- its gaping windows which gave him an uneasy expression of peering at him sarcastically, the empty rectangle of mouth... that is to say door, of course, above which there hang crookedly, on just one rust- consumed nail, the sign 'HOTEL', like an awkwardly shaved moustache. Apart from that there was the deep sensation of a strong magical field which ran in prickles down his spine.
-Let's go, then!- said Twoflower happily, heading straight at the door at an easy trot.
Rincewind tried to back away slowly, the map clenched in his fist, with the slightest pangs of conscience which, however, having faced Fear and the Will to Survive, quickly got out of the way and hid themselves in the darkest corner of the wizard's mind, pretending not to be there.
There was a patter of hundreds of tiny feet. There was a crash. There was Rincewind lying in the dirt of the road, face downwards, with Luggage atop of him.
-Ok., get of me! You've made your point!- he said in a muffled voice, trying to spit the dirt out.
-Halloo, is anybody there?!- cried Twoflower right from the threshold.
-Shshsh... keep it down, will you?- said the crouching figure, apparently the wizard, with the Luggage close at his heels.
-Oh, come on, be reasonable. We could ask the person who lives here to show us the way out of the forest. Please, let's try and be friendly! There's no need to worry, really.
-Well, as far as I can see, there's nobody here. Let's go!
-Hey, that was not very nice!- said Nobody from behind the counter. This remark remained unheeded. Nobody felt offended and fell silent.
-Let's try those stairs, then!- cried Twoflower, half the way up.
-Yes. Let's. – the wizard felt resigned. He didn't care any more. He just...
-HELLO!- said Death with words as heavy and cold as marble flagstones- I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.
to be continued
FATAL ATTRACTION- part I
Hmm, this seems rather queer...- thought the vague figure, dressed all in black, after
having rung the hotel bell for at least ten times. Nobody answered. And that was, in turn, rather natural. It was always Nobody that bothered to answer the bells, sweep the floors, remove the cobwebs hanging from furniture, banisters and other both possible and impossible places of spider dwellings. Yes. Nobody did his job with real effort and devotion. It was just that he wasn't very good at it.
The dark figure sighed, rising a cloud of dust from the counter, and ventured the terribly creaky stairs, by the sound of it the home of countless colonies of borers and cockroaches. Nobody felt slightly ignored.
Death, having removed his black hood, set comfortably in a soft armchair in the darkest corner of the room. It was as dusty and smelly as the rest of the gods-forsaken place (Death couldn't be considered a god, since he dwelled in a quite different set of dimensions and thus was thought an outcast). However, the skeletal figure, half visible in the gloom, didn't seem to mind. He even grinned to himself (not that he could help it, anyway), and waited.
-Are you absolutely sure we are going the right way? –in Twoflower's voice there was a merely noticeable streak of doubt. Twoflower was the first tourist on the Disk, having miraculously developed the species' most characteristic feature- perfect ignorance of danger, based on the strongest faith in the good underlying all human nature and in the fact that all things could be sorted out by friendly chat over a couple of drinks. Danger, faced with this sort of attitude, immediately lost its self confidence and backed away shyly. Rincewind, a failed wizard of the Unseen University was presently occupied with reading an old, tattered map, which he was apparently holding upside down.
-Yes, I mean I'm quite sure... It must be this way. It's marked rather clearly.
-But Rincewind...
-Yes, yes, you see that black dot here must be that huge tree over there, and...- the wizard tattled on, unheeding
-Rncewind, look, it's the other way round!
-What? You mean the huge tree on the map is really a black dot ? That's...
-No! I mean you're holding the map the other way round!
-Oh, yes... sure, I knew it all the time... In that case it's... This way!- He pointed his finger
in an imprecise direction and then made an effort to follow it.
Twoflower, in his turn, had a vague impression that they were moving in circles. This, however, didn't bother him as long as the scenery was as beautiful as it had been so far and as long as he had his iconograph hanging around his neck.
They haven't quite disappeared from the view when there was a patter of hundreds of tiny feet down the path and there came the Luggage, visibly satisfied, a few leafed branches dragging behind it and a bird's nest on its lid.
-Oh, what a quaint place!- Twoflower exclaimed happily, looking admiringly at the small building, which cropped up out of nowhere in the middle of the wood.
Rincewind startled. With his experience with the little man and the quick uptake for languages he had learned that 'quaint' in the tourist slang meant extraordinary degree of shabbiness. He also soon found out that its closest synonym was "trouble". Now, with worried expression, he looked at the building- its gaping windows which gave him an uneasy expression of peering at him sarcastically, the empty rectangle of mouth... that is to say door, of course, above which there hang crookedly, on just one rust- consumed nail, the sign 'HOTEL', like an awkwardly shaved moustache. Apart from that there was the deep sensation of a strong magical field which ran in prickles down his spine.
-Let's go, then!- said Twoflower happily, heading straight at the door at an easy trot.
Rincewind tried to back away slowly, the map clenched in his fist, with the slightest pangs of conscience which, however, having faced Fear and the Will to Survive, quickly got out of the way and hid themselves in the darkest corner of the wizard's mind, pretending not to be there.
There was a patter of hundreds of tiny feet. There was a crash. There was Rincewind lying in the dirt of the road, face downwards, with Luggage atop of him.
-Ok., get of me! You've made your point!- he said in a muffled voice, trying to spit the dirt out.
-Halloo, is anybody there?!- cried Twoflower right from the threshold.
-Shshsh... keep it down, will you?- said the crouching figure, apparently the wizard, with the Luggage close at his heels.
-Oh, come on, be reasonable. We could ask the person who lives here to show us the way out of the forest. Please, let's try and be friendly! There's no need to worry, really.
-Well, as far as I can see, there's nobody here. Let's go!
-Hey, that was not very nice!- said Nobody from behind the counter. This remark remained unheeded. Nobody felt offended and fell silent.
-Let's try those stairs, then!- cried Twoflower, half the way up.
-Yes. Let's. – the wizard felt resigned. He didn't care any more. He just...
-HELLO!- said Death with words as heavy and cold as marble flagstones- I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.
to be continued