Alright everybody I'm going to chuck this disclaimer in there and say that I own nothing...except the laptop in which I am writing this on lol. Also the songs are from Taking Back Sunday...from the Where you want to be album..its good so give it a listen some time. Ah with that enjoy!
Bleeding Hearts Chapter 1
It had been three years since I have seen or heard from any of the Cullens. At first I had taken it hard, nearly becoming catatonic in my grief. It took me almost a full year for me to realize that they were never coming back, the words he spoke to me come back full force now as I sit here trying to remember every detail about them, 'It will be as if we never existed'. He kept up with this promise and now its hard for me to remember him, the only one that I can still see clearly as if I had just seen her yesterday is Alice. Now you may be wondering why this is and for the longest time I didn't even know I just thought it was because she was my best friend. It took me almost two full years to admit to myself that I never loved Edward, it was just lust and nothing more, I loved Alice with everything I am she was the only one that could make me smile when I was having a bad day or make me laugh when I wanted to cry. Thinking back on the cold look in Edwards eyes when he left me I can't help but think that he figured out he didn't love me and this is why he left me. I was nothing more to him then his singer, it used to hurt thinking about him but now I'm grateful that he left, if he hadn't I don't think I would have ever had this epiphany.
"Bella we're on in five" the voice jars me out of my thoughts and I turn my head and smile at my current girlfriend. She stood about 5'3 with short blonde hair and beautiful sky blue eyes. I left my eyes rake over her figure, she looked sexy as hell this evening. Her hair was spiked out in all directions looking somewhat like Alice's hair did, she wore a crimson tank top that showed off the muscles in her arms, a pair of tight black leather pants hugging her like a second skin and of course her trademark black steel toed Docs finished off her outfit. I raise my gaze back to her eyes, I give her a small nod and stand up from the leather couch I was reclining on.
"Okay Shane" I take in a deep breath, walking over to her I wrap my arms around her waist, her arms going around my neck as my head tilts down to look at her smiling up at me. I lean down and press my lips to hers, a small sigh escapes her as she steps closer to me. I pull back from the kiss and smile softly at her. "Mm...I was a little nervous but now I think that is out the window. Thanks baby" She beams back at me stepping back away from me she reaches down for my hand and pulls me towards the door of the dressing room.
"Well I'm glad I can help you baby" She sounds amused as she tugs me through the hallways of the television studio. Our band Bleeding Hearts was about to debut live on the Late Night Show. That is how I met Shane, she auditioned for the bass position, the others in my band are Jake he's the drummer, and of course Leah she plays the guitar and is a back up vocalist. The guitar is my thing and lead vocals. We've all been together for about a year and half now, it helped me heal after everything happened so I was grateful for Jake and his genius ideas. Shane and I got together about seven months into the band experience, she is very understanding of my past and has never pushed me into anything. It took me awhile to fully allow her in, but now that I have well lets just say there's no rush for her to leave. I love her with what's left of my heart and she is completely devoted to me and that's all anyone could ask for. We reach the side of the stage where we are supposed to be waiting before we are called and Shane gives my hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it. My nervousness reappears and I start tugging at the hem of my black t-shirt, glancing down at my attire I recheck it to make sure everything is all good, loose black cargos...check...black Etnies...check...my hair is pulled up and a few strands hang around my face. I let out a shaky breath as our bands name is called and walked out to the area set up for us to perform.
"It's okay Bells relax" Jacobs voice soothes me when he speaks, his soft hand on my shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze as I reach for my guitar putting the black strap with blood red stars on it over my shoulder. I give him a small nod as he moves to his drum set and gets everything ready. My eyes move over to the tanned skin of the girl to my right and give her a small smile which she returns, her guitar already in place. My eyes move to my left to my girl and she is smiling at me as I mouth 'I love you' to her and she responds right back. I let my gaze go to the crowd in front of me as the guitar and drums started the beginning of the first of our two songs.
I started playing the notes that were engraved in my mind as I opened my mouth and let the lyrics spill from me, this song I had written a few months ago.
"So, scream I heard about your message,
And how it reeked of your indifference,
It bleeds horizontal straight from your wrist.
(So scream louder now)
I'm bound to come around about
(Bound to come around)
But can't you, can't you feel it rolling off your lips,
Tensing up your shoulders,
C'mon say it is...
[Chorus]
Well, it's love (It's love)
Make it hurt (I deserve it)
Well, it's love (It's love)
Make it hurt (I deserve it)
Well, it's love, it's love, it's love...
Make it hurt.
I said I use the inconsistencies
To undress the machine,
You're the poster boy, their selling point, the focus for their new campaign.
(Something has to be done)
I'm bound to come around about
(Bound to come around)
Oh, but can't you, can't you feel it rolling off your lips,
Tensing up your shoulders, c'mon...
[Chorus]
Well, it's love (It's love)
Make it hurt (I deserve it)
Well, it's love (It's love)
Make it hurt (I deserve it)
Well, it's love, it's love, it's love...
Make it hurt.
The keys to the castle
(Are right where I left them)
The princess walked in just to take more attention,
'Cause after all, well isn't that all that I've been after and,
After all, well isn't that all that I'm after,
You're so...
(No way out) I'll give up in you, I'll give up in you,
(No way out) I'll give up in you.
(No way out) I'll give up in you, I'll give up in you,
(No way out) I'll give up in you.
I wanted you for nothing more,
Than hating you for what you were,
If that's what you wanted to hear,
(Well, if that's what you wanted to hear)
I wanted you for nothing more,
Than hating you for what you were,
(Don't leave, leave) If that's what you wanted to hear,
(If that's what you wanted to hear)
I wanted you for nothing more,
Than hating you for what you were,
(Don't leave, leave) If that's what you wanted to hear,
(If that's what you wanted to hear)
(It's love, it's love) I wanted you for nothing more,
(Make it hurt, I deserve it) Than hating you for what you were,
(If that's what you wanted to hear)
That's what you wanted to hear,
(To hear) If that's what you wanted to hear.
(If that is how you'll let it burn)"
The audience applauded as the song came to an end, I smiled at them as the next song picked up. I looked over to Leah and she smiled at me. We've been told that our voices mesh well together, her's is deeper and soulful and mine is light and raspy. The next song started up as I strummed my guitar again looking over to Shane and she gives me a wink and a smile.
"We've got to get better."
I said, "It's all in your head."
We could live through these letters
Or forget it all together.
See the months they don't matter.
It's the days I can't take
When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away.
Just ask the question.
Come untie the knot.
Say you won't care,
say you won't care.
Retrace the steps
As if we forgot.
Say you won't care,
Say you won't care.
We try to avoid it,
But there's not a doubt,
And there's one thing I can do nothing about.
Well all that we need is just a reaction,
It's too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore
If chasing our dreams is just a distraction,
I want to remember when I know that I can't go back.
Just ask the question.
Come untie the knot.
Say you won't care,
say you won't care.
Retrace the steps
As if we forgot.
Say you won't care,
Say you won't care.
We try to avoid it (Try to avoid it),
But there's not a doubt,
And there's one thing I can do nothing,
There's one thing I can do nothing,
There's one thing I can do nothing about.
(Finally)
Just ask the question (Just ask the question).
Come untie the knot.
Say you won't care,
Say you won't care.
And retrace the steps (Retrace the steps)
as if we forgot.
Say you won't care.
Say you won't care.
We try to avoid it (Try to avoid it),
But there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing,
There's one thing I can do nothing,
There's one thing I can do nothing about."
The crowd stood from there seats and thunderous applause filled the studio as our last song ended. I smiled at everyone and pulled my guitar off of me and set it back on its stand. The producers were making motions for us to go over to the couches on stage so we could speak with the host. Everyone came up beside me and patted me on the back with smiles on their faces, Leah took lead and started walking over towards the stage. Shane was at my side, her hand intertwined with mine and we walked after Leah. Jake brought up the rear of the group, when we reached the couches Leah sat closest to the host, Shane next to her, me next to Shane and Jake beside me his arm dropping around my shoulders in a comforting gesture. The small blonde next to me smiled and squeezed my hand again, this time she didn't let it go. My gaze fell onto the host who was wearing a friendly smile on her face.
"Wow that was amazing you guys." Her voice rang out, it was high pitched and a little nasily. Her red hair fell around her shoulders, she wore a white t-shirt with the black printed name of some band I've never heard of and her jeans were tight and frayed at the knees. Green eyes went out to the crowd as she asked her next question. "How did everyone like Bleeding Hearts?" The crowd once again begin applauding and cheering. "Well it looks like you've gained some fans here tonight you guys." Her gaze locked with mine when she continued, "I know for sure I will be buying your cd and coming to concerts when you make it big" I got an uneasy feeling with the way she was looking at me but said nothing.
"Well thank you Sarah" Leah spoke for the first time tonight her deep voice helping to eliminate my uneasiness. Sarah turned her head toward Leah and nodded. I didn't know her name until the dark haired guitarist had mentioned, which I'm glad because that would have been embarrassing if she had asked me a question and I didn't know her name. I'm so going to have to remember to thank Leah later. The host once again turned her gaze to me.
"Bella...that is okay that I call you that right?" I gave her a nod when she paused for me to answer, she licked her lips as her eyes flicked over me. "Okay so how long have you guys been playing together?"
"Um..about a year and half now. Jake and I have been best friends for years now and Leah is his girlfriend so she decided to join the band with us. We didn't have a bass player and it took us months to find one we clicked with...then Shane came along and she fit right in our little family" I paused to smile over at my girlfriend. "So ever since then we have been playing at clubs and events...and well here we are." I looked over at the host again when I finished to see her grinning at us.
"Well yeah you're here now so I'm assuming you guys did impressed someone...but listening to you guys I can see how you got here. You are really good and your voice is amazing Bella" Her gaze once again flicked over me before meeting my eyes again. I smiled nervously at her and nodded in thanks. " So you said the Jake and Leah are together. What about you anybody special?" I looked over at Shane who had a frown on her face glaring at the host. I smiled and let a little chuckle out as I glanced back to Sarah.
"Yes. There is someone special in my life and there is no one else in the world I could see myself being with. She's perfect for me in everyway and I love her." When I finished Shane looked back at me and smiled happily. Leaning over to her I placed a soft kiss on her lips and pulled back to look at Sarah again who had a smile on her face but her eyes were glaring daggers at my beautiful pixie to my left. I let another small laugh escape me.
"Well that is good to hear. With that I'm afraid we are all out of time." She looked at the audience and waved to them. "Have a good night everybody and remember to check back in with us tomorrow when we will have No Doubt here to perform." With that the crowd clapped again and the producers signaled the end of the show. Jake's arm fell from my shoulders as we stood, I turned my back to the audience wrapping my arms around my beautiful girl. I leaned down and placed another small kiss on her lips. Sarah made herself known as she walked by, her hand brushing my ass, I felt her slip something into my back pocket as she walked by. Blinking I looked towards where she walked off towards, raising my eyebrow she turned back to me with a flirty smile and a wink.
I reached into my back pocket and felt a small slip of paper, pulling it out I unfolded it, it was her number and underneath it said call me. "You've got to be fucking kidding me" I groaned balling up the paper and dropping it in the waste basket on the stage. Shane let a giggle escape her when she watched me do that. I playfully smacked her shoulder. "So not funny." She grabbed my hand and tugged me along towards the exit and the large black van that was Jake's baby. She swung the sliding doors open and pulled me forward so I was standing in front of her. A devious smile played on her features, she pushed me forward and I landed down on my back against the rough carpet of the van. Shane slowly crawled into the van until she was straddling me. I lifted my legs so they were bent at the knee and entirely in the vehicle, she leaned back and pulled the door shut.
"Now I get to reward you because you didn't take that little sluts advances" She purred out as her hands rested on my stomach, my hands resting on her leather clad hips. Her face was inches from mine, I could tell she was trying to tease me and I growled in frustration leaning up and capturing her lips with mine. She trapped my lip between her teeth when she pulled back, tugging at it. I couldn't stop the groan coming from me when she did. Gathering my strength I rolled to the side flipping up so I was on top staring down into her amazing blue eyes. I smiled at her when her legs wrapped around my waist and her arms around my neck trying to pull me down for a kiss.
"Who knew being faithful to you would get this reaction" I said with a teasing grin on my face. She laughed at me and pulled me down for a kiss, her hips grinding into mine. "Mm..Bella likey" I moaned out against her lips.
Woot..so what do you think? Bad...good...hate me for leaving it like that? Well yeah sorry. It will be Bella/Alice eventually so don't worry everybody. I had the sudden desire to write this when listening to Taking Back Sunday so here it is...hmm...I'll be posting another chapter on my other fic soon for those of you who like that one.