Leaning against the counter, my palm between a decoration of blue wine glasses, I look out into the L.A streets, wishing there was way to go back before I met Jenny and destroy the thing I had with Francesca. The Planet. My home. It's what ties me here. I'm not like the other girls; Bette and Tina with their monogamy, Alice with her thrills, Dana with her sports fame and Shane with her dazzle. I'm just Marina. Tim was right. I am a vulture.
There's a sudden knock at the front door and it startles me. I knock a glass to the floor and it shatters on the tiles. Stepping over it, I cross the room and open the door. Am I delirious? Is it really Jenny Shecter?
"Marina." She says my name so simply. Like it's a one word poem her lips have longed to recite.
"Hello Jenny," I say.
She comes inside. "What are you trying to do to me, Marina? You're fucking everything up."
My composure is hard to keep but I am not weak. "How?" I ask.
Jenny puts her hands on the back of her head, her hair a nest of ebony tresses, bundled together in a bun. She looks lovely. And she looks pissed. "You dated Robin because I was dating Robin."
I nod. "Yes."
"Why the FUCK would you do that? Are you trying to make me go insane?"
Turning from her, I cross the room and go into the back, through the metal doors. She follows me, swiftly, sweeping across the tile. I grab the broom and the carry-around dustpan and return to my shard-mess behind the registers. Sweeping seems like the right thing to do here. I need to sweep all of this mess away and then toss it as far from me as possible.
"Marina," Jenny pushes, "What are you doing?"
I set my jaw hard, remaining stern and emotionless. Each glittering piece is relocated to the plastic bin at the end of the stick. I ignore her inquiry and focus on my chore.
"DAMMIT Marina, look at me!"
She grabs my wrists and yanks me around, and I'm surprised, that for someone so small and fragile, she harbors a lot of pent up strength. I stare down at her, giving her the attention she requests.
"Answer my fucking question, would you?"
"Which question Jenny?" I reply. "You've asked more than one."
"What do you WANT from me?"
I lean the broom again the counter lip and then place my hands on my hips and loom over her, trying to appear intimidating. I take a deep breath and then look over her shoulder, sighing it back out. "I'm in love with you."
Jenny puts her hand on her forhead and turns away, apparently overwhelmed, or exasperated. "Marina, why do you have to act so cavalier, huh?"
"Cavalier?" I return, placing my hand on her shoulder.
"Like arrogant. Like you're so sure of yourself."
"I am."
She whips back around. "You are? Are you really sure? I'm fucking crawling out of skin trying to make sense of any of this and you're sure?"
"Yes."
She steps up then and I stroke her upper arms with my thumbs.
"Jenny, I've missed you."
"You didn't act as though you gave a damn whether I lived or died."
I stare into her eyes, an intriguing shade of greenish-brown, like Jurassic ferns. "In addition to being cavalier, I am also callous."
She lifts her chin and those eyes sparkle in the low lights of The Planet. "Marina, how do we try again?" she asks, chin quivering very slightly. "I don't know how."
My palm fits so nicely around her jaw. I coax her face towards mine and when our lips meet, all resistance flows away. Our tongues dance like they are their own seperate form of lovers, and I cup my hand around Jenny's breast and her arms encircle my waist, positioning our bodies placed against one another, Jenny's fingertips moving to get under my shirt, up my back, onto my shoulder blades. And then she pulls her head back and stares into my eyes, searching for some remote sanity in our passion.
"What are we?"
"What are we?" I repeat. "What do you mean, Jenny?"
She kisses me again, and then lets her lips trail down my cheeks, under my chin, across my neck. "I want to walk down the street holding your hand."
"What," I laugh, "Now?"
"No. Just...I want to, okay?"
I nod, "Okay."
"And I want to tell people you're my girlfriend."
I smile. "Then tell them."
"What about Tim?"
I search her for an explanation. "What about Tim?"
"We hurt him so badly, Marina. He's like a zombie. You should see him."
I sigh. "I can imagine."
"What do we do?"
"Apologize."
She throws herself against me and I feel instantaneously euphoric in kissing her. We make our way, like an extreme sport, up the stairs and into my bed. Our love making is like art. I compare it to the molding of pottery clay on wheel, or the generous strokes of watercolor on printer paper. She frames me, melds to my body, and perhaps even sinks into my slightly, letting us, temporarily become one. I've never felt such a bliss as the one I get, spiraling, her tiny skeleton wrapping in my arms. I've never experienced this kind of wonder.
It takes me so long to even come down from my pedastal for simple speech.
Jenny says, "I have two dates sleeping in my writing room."
I caress her cheek. "Do you want to go see them?"
She shakes her head. "No. I just wanted you to know."
"Thank you," I kiss the tip of her nose. "No secrets?"
She shakes her head once more. "No. No secrets."
"I have to sell The Planet," I confess. "Francesca owns it, rightfully, and I cannot afford to keep it."
"So what do we do?"
I roll over onto my back and she places herself at my right side, her head on my collar. "I want to go to Tahiti."
"Tahiti?"
"Yes."
I turn my face and kiss her forehead, her bangs just lightly sticking to my lips. "It's where I was born. You'd love it, Jenny, we could get a place and you could write into the sunset."
"What," she says, "Start a new life together?"
"Why not? You're my link here now."
She nods, serious. "And you're mine. I can't stand to look at Tim anymore seeing what I did to him written all over his face." Then, her expression changes to whimsy. "Oh Marina, could we really do it?"
"Mmm," I reply, "Why not?"
"Because it sounds so perfect."
I laugh. "Jennifer Shecter, you are so cute."
We lay together for a while and I keep my arm firmly around her shoulders. And then when she passes into sleep, I close my eyes and join her. In my dreams, the sky is big and blue and Eros is everything and everything is passion. Bette and Tina wave at us as we board his chariot and speed away into the perriwinkle clouds. Alice is there too, smiling and Dana and her cat, and Shane too. Everyone waves and smiles. But Jenny's smile is the biggest, and the sweetest. She gives it to me like she gives me her hand, sliding her fingers into my fingers, and scooting closer to me as we fly away.
XXX