Danny Phantom/Crash Nebula:
Space Ghost
Part 1
One week ago. Somewhere in the vast universe.
I can't sleep. Why can't I sleep? I bet is this stupid bed, or maybe it's the fact that I've sleeping in a space ship with a gravity generator that works only half the time because my alien teammates insist in turn it off to save energy and not in a planet with actual gravity for months. Maybe after seven months of sleeping in zero gravity I do need to rest in a planet with real gravity similar to that of Earth, I am human after all. And I've been living out here in space for what? Four years? You'd believe I'd be used to that already.
Yeah, I'll definitely go and put it on the fact I'm sleeping with no real pull on my body and not to the fact I'm not sleeping in a real bed, I mean what's even there to suggest this is even a real bed made for humans? This is the space, for God's sake! I bet what Chuck gave me is some sort of crib for God knows what kind alien baby with no backspine. I can see him already with his turkey face laughing at me because I sleep in something is not even a real bed, in fact I bet they're all laughing about this right now, well guess what!? I can't sleep, so the joke is on you! Ha!
…What am I gonna do with my life?
"You can't sleep?" Her voice flies into the room.
"Ani! How long have you been standing on that door?" I ask getting my head out of my pillows, if they are real pillows of course. She wore her white skintight Celestial Academy uniform, but with her white skin it always seemed to me like if she wore nothing at all, nothing at all! And I don't mean white as in fair, I mean flat out white as a snow, and it contrasted even more with her black bubbling energy hair.
"Long enough to see you roll in your bed in every humanly possible position."
"So… for a very long time, then."
"Yeah."
Ani had that classic beauty with an old school beauty mark on her left chick, you know as a singer from the 30's which made her so precious, and elegant, and gracious, and… many other things that end in "cious" meaning she is gorgeous, and had such beautiful smile, yet I never had the subtlety of saying it, not even when she was my girlfriend. If only she showed it more often. But then again, she's my ex and we're still forced to work together, so how can I blame her? I mean, it was a very nasty break-up, there was Xenomorph blood all over the place.
"Why do you think it is?" She asks stepping into my room uninvited, like if she needs an invitation, yeah right!
"I don't know, maybe its the lack of gravity, or the lack of a real bed, or maybe it's the lack of gravity and a real bed. I mean is this really a bed or just some sort of mean joke from you, guys? I've seen your bed and is way better than this."
"Well… if it makes you feel any better, I can't sleep either," so she claims, sitting on my bed with a very sad look.
"How come?"
"My father as always."
"Right. The daddy issues."
That comment gets me a glare from her. I really like to tease her with that.
"Family isn't supposed to make you feel good, it's supposed to make you feel like crap. That's why they're family, and why I took a job that keeps me thirty lightyears away from Earth, floating around the galaxy with a Poultrynaut turkey, a living ball of jelly and an anti-matter gal with an interdimensional mad warlord for a father who hates me because I wasn't bad enough for her daughter. So I won't shoot hot plasma into my sister's face for trying to paint my room pink all the time."
"Been there, done that… every time I see that grimace in her face."
"That is known as smiling. It wouldn't kill you to do it once in a while."
"I only smile when I have reason for it."
"Touché."
"Do you… mind if stay here? I can't stand another hour alone in that room."
"No, no. That's fine. You can stay here as long as you want."
I'll be honest, did I want anything to happen? Hell yeah! Despite everything, I still love Ani. Now, did I expect anything to happen? Hell no!
I'm so glad I was wrong.
Which is why now—an hour later—I am so surprised to have her naked cold body resting on my bed, beneath my sheets. I even forgot that cute purr-like noise she makes every time she sleeps pleasantly, whereas I still can't sleep!
Last time I slept was almost a week ago and they were all like "Ah, that's not called sleeping, it's called passing out." I've had insomnia for months, that's the first time I can rest but, yeah, oh no. Okay, why not? Go crap all over it, ruin it for me, would you?
Where is alien Vicodin when you need it?
Human body is not made for space and I've been out here for a very long time now.
Maybe I should quit this job, move back to Earth, work in the family farm with my old man, explain the police how my sister's death was an accident. I mean, that's how it will look like.
And with that blue alarm booming I might just get what I wished for.
In ten minutes she's back in her uniform while I jump into my super suit, the thought activated hyperdrive Nebula 3000 suit, the most awesome thing in the universe.
The Conference Room was a wide and rounded… well… room with a holographic player in the middle with all the seeming of a giant crystal ball surrounded by four chairs in which each member of Sprig's team would sit as they receive instructions from the holiest Princess Galaxandrea, a very tall, glowing, hot… and thin alien lady with butterfly-looking wings, headmistress of their alma matter, the Celestial Academy, also known in the galaxy as the school for tomorrow's heroes. If there is a planet under siege by flesh-eating monsters from another dimension, don't be surprised to hear those who saved it are graduates from this school.
As seniors of this prestigious academy known for being literally the best school in the known universe, Sprig and his team are tasked with high profile missions they must complete in order to graduate as full flesh Galactic Heroes with a diploma-medal to prove it. Yet, theirs surpass those of their classmates, for they are given the most dangerous missions, as they've proven over and over again to be up to tasks that very few others can handle.
Yet, this group of A-listers has become one of the most infamous band in the universe known as a group of A-holes; responsible for things such as the assassination of the head of the feared Planetary Trade Organization, staging a coup and overthrowing the mad titan Zat who lost all six limbs during said coup, and infiltrating into the mainframe of the genocidal, errant cybernetic planet War World, a sentient giant machine designed only for killing with a planet count of 306 just in the last galactic year —equals six Earth years—, as well as many other other missions even their very own teachers deemed too dangerous for themselves. Nevertheless, the fact they had saved countless of lives with their actions, and I emphasize countless, is clouded by a flurry obscure speculations on whether this company had used excessive or even unnecessary lethal force when executing those tasks.
Before I proceed with this story, I'll attack this accusations head on. Could they have brought the head of the Planetary Trade Organization into justice attached to the rest of the body as the parameters of the mission said? Could they have done things in a way that ended in less regrettable results?
No, they couldn't have. Because that was the only way to do it, that was the right way to deal with this treats and that is why they are so damn good at their job! Of coursen there is an unspoken rule in the book that allows the use of lethal force and even the eradication of their targets should they deem it needed, and they did. Their job is not to be nice with monsters, their mission is to protect the universe, to solve its problems, and they've learned the problems of the universe begins with them.
And that is what brings Sprig and Ani here into this very room, in which their teammates Bert the Poultrynaut—known as Chuck to his closest friends—an alien turkey trapped in a hover tank with a nearly endless on-board weapon system, and Diff the blob, a blue gelatinous shapeshifter.
"You had sex again, didn't ya?" Diff asks.
"What? How do you know? Were you spying on my room again?" Sprig blurts outraged.
"No. You guys have that musky scent."
"Yeah, we did! Not like that's your problem," she says sharply.
Mockingly Chuck points "Apparently it wasn't that good."
"It was good, she just doesn't like to wake up with an alarm after sex. Speaking of which… why are we here anyway?"
"Well, it was a blue alarm. So it must be a water based planet." Diff points.
"Yeah, I know that but… Is there anyone else we should wait for?"
"No. We are all four. You, Ani, me and Diff," Chuck sounds.
"…You know what I don't understand? What kind of name is Diff?" Sprig comments. "It sounds like when you open a soda can… diff…" explains pretending he opens a soda can with his hands.
"See, I told you," Chuck sounds looking at Diff.
"Whatever dude."
Their strange conversation goes on for several minutes until a hologram of Princess Galaxandrea is displayed on the sphere.
"My dear Guardians, I'm so glad to see you all." She greets them as kindly, polite and regal as always.
"Same here, boss." Sprig sounds in his usual laid-back manner.
"Now first of all, before I send you to your missions number ninety-eight, I would like to congratulate you for the rescue of Captain Laserpants."
"No problem. We couldn't let those monsters suck his mind, liver and spleens with bendy straws," he says. "That's ninety percent of his anatomy."
"Colorful as always. Now as I said, I have another case for you, yet I feel concerned about your performance this time. I fear you might be too close to it."
"How so?" Sprig asks bewildered. "We're going to a water planet, aren't we?"
"Yes."
"Is it the beach planet? 'Cause we all know I'm not responsible for my actions around Hulatian girls. Their hips dance has an hypnotic patter designed to attract and entice male mammals like me, regardless of their specie."
"I know. My concern is of another nature… This time you're going home."
"What? Why!?" He asks leaning onto the hologram. "Is it because of that intoxication incident in Lahrs Ve Ghan planet-city?
Unaware of such event, the Princess asks "What intoxication incident?"
"What are you talking about? I don't ever drink any substance my human body can't handle and can cause me to act in an improper way for the school's standards."
"I'm glad to hear that. I know you always behave," she says with a wistful smile.
She's totally buying it!, Sprig thinks.
"What I meant to say is you and your team is going to Earth. Sprig, we believe the Earth is in danger."
Suddenly his grin fades away and his teammates finally know what his face looks like when he is worried.
"What do you mean by that?"
"We found a rift in the universe with an axis on your home planet. Spy cameras discovered that a large armada of robots came through that rift and are stationed on your planet's Moon. This robots didn't get there on their own, we believe that they were brought by an intradimensional energy-based Xenomorph specie."
"A living energy being? I hate those," Diff says.
"An energy Xenomorph? So is it a new species, or you just couldn't identify it?"
"The energy spectrum of these creatures is unlike anything we've seen before. As far we can tell they're a manifestation of conscious energy."
"That's it? That is the same case with ALL energy beings!" He yells.
"I'm sorry if the information we have is unsatisfactory," she sounds apologetically.
"Me too. When are we leaving?" He asks.
"Sprig, this is a recognition mission only. I need you to watch and watch only. I do not want you or your teammates to act in any other way or to engage in any conflict unless it is strictly necessary. You cannot let your feelings get the best of you, do I have your word?"
"…Fine."
"Your mission is to watch and learn about this new life-forms. To study them and to know what is it they want. Based on your notes we'll decide what course of action shall be taken," she explains.
"That usually involves infiltration and spying." Ani points.
"And if done right, you can go unnoticed avoiding unnecessary brawls." Galaxandrea sounds derisively.
The moment the transmission is over, Sprig rushes to the pilot seat of the ship and activates the cross-dimensional propulsion system which uses a turbo-laser hyperbole generator to process Bubba's Principle of Zoom, to shatter a hole large enough to travel through the time-space continuum, arriving Earth in an estimate of 24 Earth hours.
"You know every time you use that illegal engine, you're ripping apart time-space itself, don't you?" Sounds Ani.
"Your point being?"
Worried for his mind sake, she asks him "You ok?"
"I'm fine. I'm fan-freaking-tastic!"
"You know its ok if you admit you're worried about your planet."
"Saying it won't make that robot armada go away. I don't even know why do we wait to see if their trouble. We know an army of robots on any planet's Moon means trouble."
"She has her reasons."
"First time in four years I go back home and this is what I look forward."
Earth's Orbit.
Surveillance Day 1.
In only twenty-four hours we make it to the Earth and in all that time I try to get some rest but still, as the princess would say, the realm of slumber eludes me.
Maybe if I sleep in my world, in a real bed I might finally get some sleep.
"Ok, this is how it goes. I'll go down get some rest in a real bed with real gravity, and then I don't care what you people do."
"Wait, how come you go to sleep and we're set to watch over your planet?" Chuck asks. As if this is any different from usual.
"Yes, because last time I slept you said passing out doesn't count. And I can't sleep, and I'm not of any use if can't rest. And I have a mile long list of reason of why do I deserve some rest while you got the boring part starting with 13 counts for robbery."
Bert as comprehensive as always shuts his beak and let's me go without much complain.
"Ok. Energize!" I order in the teleportation platform.
In that moment I decided to stop narrating and just let things go their way.
"Where did you send him?" Ani asks Chuck.
"I sent him somewhere named Amity Park. Sounds like an awful place."
Back in Earth.
Dear Earth's gravity, you got no idea how I've missed you, I completely forgot how you feel, wait! I thought I wasn't narrating anymore.
Wandering around Amity Park, a city he has never been to when he still lived on Earth, Sprig ponders whether to catch up on whatever happened on his home planet in the last four years, but before he could even make a decision, he falls asleep in the first cheap motel he can find. For the first time in months and during the next five days he sleeps as a baby drooling on his pillow.
Surveillance Day 6.
September 14, 04:35 P.M.
After almost a week of sleeping, Sprig could hardly wake up if not for the image of Ani lying next to his bed and these remarkable words "I didn't know you are a droller."
With his brain barely starting to work, Sprig manages to blurt some words between yawns "What…? I… don't sleeping with you… did I?"
He was so tired that for a moment he forgot how to articulate words.
"Well how charming. And the guys and I here thought you were dead."
"The guys noticed I was gone?"
Three days ago.
"Hey Chuck, where's Sprig?" Diff asks.
With an utmost lack of concern, Chuck drawls "I don't know. I think he's on Earth."
"Uh… then I catch him later."
"Man. There is nothing interesting going on on this Moon but a crappy light show," Chuck cries.
Now.
"The important thing is you've been gone for almost an Earthling week," she points.
"Did you guys blow up anything?"
"No."
"Congratulations. You proved you can do nothing without me, excellent job," says as he walks into the bathroom. "…How did you find me?"
"A high frequency transponder."
"You tagged me like a dolphin?"
"Don't know what that is but I guess yes. Is in our uniforms, remember?"
"I knew this thing made me feel watched," he sounds as he takes off his shirt. "You didn't come here in that form, did you?"
"Do you think am an idiot like them? I shapeshifted, genius."
Then a black aura started emanating from her skin, strange black dots of anti-matter energy swirled around her as she rearranges her body's molecules and her smoldering bubbling dark energy hair began to change into a short reddish human hair and her body-hugging uniform becomes a gray mini-skirt with a pair of thigh-high socks.
"Right. I forgot you can do that."
"Well, let's see what's so special about this planet," Ani says turning on the tv.
"Mammary implants for chickens and their S&M loving monkeys lovers? Find that and more here at Sick Sad World!" the tv announcer shouts so genuinely fake happy it almost makes her intrested.
Almost
"Pass." Ani says tuning MTV which played a Sean Paul video at the time. "This song is good. But what language is he speaking in? Not even with my universal translators I can understand what he says," she points.
Thirty minutes later she asks "Are you still in the bathroom, or did you fall asleep!? Sprig!?"
"What!? Ah. Oh, no wonder I dreamed I was singing in the rain."
An hour later Ani asks "I don't understand, what's the appeal of watching a bunch of strangers in a house imbibing copious quantities of alcohol, mating and then fighting like idiots?"
"Are you watching 'The Real World'?" Sprig asks from the shower.
"Is that what it is? That explains a lot. It says is some place called the Jersey Shore."
"My mom always said to stay away from Jersey. Damn cousin Viny!"
"You know, at least if they didn't show the tedious pre-mating rituals of your species dancing like idiots in a club, it would be better."
"Oh, come on. Ninety percent of the species out in the universe do the exact same thing. You, more than anybody I know, love going to a club and dance."
"Doesn't mean I like seen people doing it."
"Yeah, whatever dude." He says getting out of the shower with a towel bundled around his waist.
"I don't understand, why aren't you up there with us watching your moon?"
"The truth? I don't trust myself, the princess is right. This is too close to me and I'm sure I'd screw up big time if I do anything. Oh, and I was tired and really needed to rest. Looks like all I needed was some gravity and some good old polluted earthen oxygen."
"You humans are weird. Can't see the time to leave this undeveloped whole. Just look at the screen, the definition is so terrible I think it gave me eye cancer!"
"The Earth is not so bad, my planet is made of outlaws: Billie the Kid, Bonnie & Clyde, John Stamos, Jesse James, Al Capone. I know you woulda loved them all." Sprig says. Then starts putting on his underwear in front of Ani.
"They sound like they died a long time ago."
"I've been out of the world for a long time. They might have." He then starts putting on his pants.
Once he was done dressing he asks Ani "Wanna take a look at the local attractions?"
"Shouldn't we go back to the ship already?"
"I trust the guys will do fine. They haven't blown up anything yet… have they?"
"Don't worry, I would've told you if they had."
"Now we're back with Dr. Sexy M.D." TV sounds.
"Didn't know know you got menopause already," he comments wryly.
Changing to channel 23, Ani snorts "It's called channel surfing, you dolt," tunning Lance Thunder's show where he attacks and criticizes ghosts and specially, the ghost hero Danny Phantom.
"For how long are we going to allow this menace to roam free among us!? It is ineffable as to why is there someone out there who praises him as hero. That is a fallacy! He is the one reason Earth is under siege by this otherwordly creatures, he is not a hero, he is a menace and I'll prove it to you. Just look at him, destroying private property in his constant battle against these invaders from the so called Ghost Zone." He rants showcasing a video of Danny fighting in a former Vladco facility which he—as Plasmius vessel—retrived, only to set a trap for Danny haunting it with a horde of ghosts and ghost-zombies to make a video where apparently he destroys the building with no regard for workers even though there were none. "God knows how many lives were lost in that attack. How many human lives sacrificed in order to 'protect' us from those monsters. And you wanna know the worst part? He is one of them too! We're being protected by the enemy. How long will it take for him to change his non-heart and choice their side? When war is finally upon us? People of America, people of the world, I'm telling you, Danny Phantom is nothing but menace in disguise. And since we're talking about adisguise, why, after all these years, has he decided to wear a mask now? Is it because he is ashamed, maybe? We know the truth, that he is not a real hero, he is a lie, a sham and he cannot face us. He knows what he is and can't face reality as it is. That's why he's hidding his face behind that creapy bug-eyed mask—."
"Well, that was educational," Sprig says.
"Who was that guy?"
"You mean the guy from the video? No idea. When I left Earh, there was no such thing as a white haired Superman blowing up buildings."
"On the brig side, looks like your world is not as retarded as I thought. I think the reporter said something about a war."
"Do you feel like having an interview?"
After a ten minutes search in the Internet, Sprig and Ani found Lance Thunder's new domicile, one of Vlad Master's former mansion in Montana, and sneak into his private office, breaching and disabling his security system which was mostly to keep ghosts out of their house and wait for him in his private office for twenty minutes til he finally appeared.
"Hello Mr. President," Sprig spits out in his usual jocular tone, sitting in his chair with Ani closing the French doors.
"Who are you?" Lance asks unaltered by his presence with his arms folded back.
"That's it? You're not going to freak out or anything?"
"In my town, men like I are hardly affraid of anything strange."
"Don't tell."
"I'll ask one more time, who are you?"
"You can call me Crash Nebula, Space Hero. And the girl behind you, she's Ani, the anti-matter gal."
Lancer glances at Ani standing behind him, barely tilting his head.
"What is this? Is this cosplay?"
"What? No."
"Son, you got ten minutes to explain yourself and/or leave before I coax your departure."
"Whoa, fancy words. Ok, this is the sitch, my friend and I are from this school in a galxy far, far away where we are trained to be space heroes, and as it is, our class ssigment this week is to watch over Earth, my home planet, because it seems that there is some secret army on the Moon or a hole in the universe," he explains.
"I still don't understand why are you here."
"Well, we were in this motel—"
"Motel, no tell" Lance cuts him off.
"Not what you think. I like sleeping in filthy beds, don't judge. Anyhow, I saw your show and I realized, that many things have changed in this planet since I left four years ago."
"And you thought about breaking into my office to do what? Using my Wi-Fi service to get the quickest update?"
"Close. When I saw your show, I thought, what a better way learn eveything about this war than the apparently number one repoerter?"
"Oh boy," Vlad says in Lance haed."You cannot begin to fathom the opportunity that has presented to us."
"Wait, you believe him," Lance thinks back. "You do realize he's talking about studying with aliens, don't you?"
"Lance, you should have learned a long time ago to have an open mind to all the possibilities in the universe."
"You already have a plan for them, don't you?"
"No. Not one. Perhap I should take it from here." Vlad notes taking control of Lance's body to tell Sprig everything he needs him to know.
After a few days of surveillance, the guys finally found something that seemed bad enough to act: a space ship coming out of the Dyson Sphere, flying towards the Moon. But not just any kind of ship, it was a trident-class space ship.
I don't know about you, but in my experience, only bad guys get ships that cool and creepy and based on what we learned from Lance, I'd say we're clear to act.
With our best cloaking system we follow them to the Moon. Now, I'll tell you something, the girl in the black armor, she wasn't as threatening to me, as she was gorgeous, her pale spooky partner on the other hand, he was outrageously scary to me. Now I see what Lance means. He had that I live to scare the living shit out of people kind of vibe and I think he's kinda transparent too—yeah, he definitely is transparent.
I learned the hard way, it is better not to mess with this kind of guys.
But you know what the best part of being the leader is? I can set myself to overwatch. And since Ani is the only one of the team with real powers, I trust she will handle them easily.
"You're telling me you don't know who I am!?" She shouts in indignation.
Well, thiess guys clearly don't know her reputation.
"Pshh! Anyone who's anyone knows who you are," says the see-through guy, "but just to be clear, what's your name again?"
"I go by many names, Earthian—if that's what you are—, but I'm sure the one that most know me by is Ani, the deadliest woman in two universes."
"Right… co-could we do that again, but this time could you use a name that actually sounds threatening, like, I don't know, Lady Shiva, Boudica, Mulan or Gamora?"
Oh man, that guys is so death.
"Mulan is a Disney princess," says his… girlfriend, or girl who is a friend but not his girlfriend, I don't know.
If she's a human, I really hope she's the later… and single.
"Yeah, but she's also an historical character."
"Not really, she's actually an ancient poem."
"Really? Whatever, it still sounds way better than Ani."
And here come the smoldering hands. This is some effed up ass, she's so mad.
One thing I learned about Ani is not to make fun of her name, otherwise you'll end up with an anti-matter energy blast straight in the face just like her.
"Valerie!"
"You're next!" She shouts steaming.
"You think so? You and what army, you smoldering freak?"
"Freak!? Nineteen eighty-six called, they want their jumpsuit back!" And the cloack system is off.
"What the hell is going on!? Who are you!? Is… is this cosplay?"
Again with that?
"Cosplay? That explains the spandex." Honestly I only make fun 'cuz I really like his suit, it looks like it's made out of metal and it reminds me of Tron. I just wish I could see the look on his face when we showed up from nowhere.
"Now I'll say this one more time, either you give up now, or I'll vaporize you!"
These guys got no choice, we're twice than they, they should either give up now of face serious consequences.
"Danny, what do we do now?' Ask his partner getting back on her feet.
"You heard them… We give up."
"What!?" And for the record I'm not the only one who is shocked to see this went down so easily. That girl is also like "Say what!?"
"We're outnumbered Val. My poofs are useless in a fight. Best thing we can do is see what's down the rabbit hole," says slowly getting on his knees with his hands on the back of his head.
I know this isn't exactly how things played out on the other series, but you don't expect us to be coherent, do you?