During one of my recent forays to the ever enticing blackhole that is Tumblr, I came across a beautiful post entitles, "AUs for when your OTP are both a-holes" and I had to utilize it for our resident genius couple (Let's be real, they are terrible).
Today's installment is based on the prompt: I'm a barista and you're the obnoxious customer who comes through and orders a venti macchiato while talking on the phone the whole time so I misspell your name in increasingly creative ways every day AU
Enjoy! ^_^
"Vortex, what are you still doing here?"
Cindy looked up, pushing her long bangs out of her eyes. "Nice to see you too Maria. I'm restocking the fridge, why do you ask?"
Her coworker put one hand on her hip, "I come back from maternity leave to find your big-shot lawyer self is still working the espresso machine. What is the world coming too?"
Cindy chuckled as she put the last carton of whipping cream on the shelf. She had taken a part-time job at the local coffee house in college for some extra spending money. Her mother offered her extra cash all the time but Cindy would rather earn it herself with no strings attached, even if it meant less sleep. She had been offered a job at Johnson, Johnson, Abernathy, and Cohen law firm as soon as she'd passed the bar, but it was hard to cut ties with the familiar job, even if it meant even less sleep. Her roommate Libby had been all over her to quit now that she made enough money to pay the entire rent, but Cindy couldn't bring herself to do it yet.
She stood up, "Well Bill still has strep throat and doesn't feel up to training someone new. Besides, I still have loan payments to make for my big-shot law school. I need this paycheck for essentials like food and aspirin."
Maria swatted her arm, "Come on, you love that job. You were born to stare someone down in a court room." They walked back into the storefront to open shop.
"Well right now all they have me doing is working with the intellectual property attorneys. We have a big contract on Friday with this- hey wait a minute!" She turned to face the older woman, "What are you doing back so soon? Don't you have like a baby to take care of?"
Maria refilled the sugar canister without looking up. "My mother's in town watching her. We've got to pay for diapers somehow and tax season isn't for another six months, so I figured I would stick around. Besides, you get to see so many, um, interesting people at this job."
As soon as the door was unlocked at six, a line started forming at the counter.
Cindy tried to keep the smile on her face, even though she had been there since five-thirty and would have to leave and change for work at eight. The sleepy-eyed customers in soft sweaters and flannel shirts who were trying to escape the Connecticut wind always put her in a better mood. One of the things she loved about moving away from Texas was that she actually got an autumn. Texas was just too hot, too dry. There were really only two seasons: hot summer and really hot summer. Her first winter at Yale was the first time she'd seen snow, and now she dreaded the freezing slush that came earlier and earlier each year; but she did love the cool and crisp New England autumn. It made people watching much more enjoyable. She smiled to herself as man in a navy blue suit and a head of wind-swept hair marched up to her.
"Welcome to Moonbeams Coffee, how may I-"
"I want a large macchiato with two shots of espresso. Don't skimp on them either, I can tell when there's just one." His curt demand was delivered with a deep voice. She had dealt with her fair share of rude customers plenty of times before, but for some reason this guy seemed to instantly get under her skin.
"Alright sir: one venti macchiato with-"
"No not venti, large. Venti means twenty while grande means large."
She stifled a groan, "I'm aware of the nomenclature sir, that's just the way the company labels the sizes. I'm required to call them by their correct names."
He crossed his arms, "Well, those names aren't correct. If you're going to label these you should at least do it in a way that makes sense."
She was in no mood to argue with this guy, especially when she couldn't say what she really wanted without getting fired. Instead, she clenched her teeth and entered the order into the cash register. "Fine, one large macchiato with two shots of espresso. Would you like whipped cream on that?"
He gave her a withering stare. She flexed her toes, desperately holding back the string of insults on the tip of her tongue. "No whipped cream. That comes to-"
A rhythmic tone echoed from his pocket and of course he pulled out the phone. "What is it Simmons? No I'm on my way now. Well maybe of you had…"
She rolled her eyes when he turned to yell angrily into the high-tech looking phone. "Sir?"
He tossed his credit card at her and walked to stand by the napkin dispenser at the receiving area.
Cindy wanted to scream. She still had thirty more minutes before she could punch the pillows in the break room, so she had to find a better way to vent her rage. She swiped the card and unfortunately it went through (nothing would have given her more satisfaction than to tell Mr. Bigshot that his card was declined). She stared down at the black credit card with the atom insignia in the front, to the name at the bottom: James I Neutron. A smiled spread over her face as she grabbed a cup and the black marker.
A few minutes later, she handed the hot beverage to the man who now had the never to text with one hand outstretched to receive the cup.
"Here's your credit card and receipt sir!"
He finally looked up. He took a sip as if to test that she actually got the order correct. He seemed satisfied and deigned to nod his head in acknowledgement. He was just turning to walk away when he finally seemed to notice the bold word scrawled on the side of the cup: Nerdtron.
A smile spread over Cindy's face, "Have a nice day!"
"Ok, maybe it was a little juvenile, but that guy was a major jackass! You don't take a phone call in the checkout line, it's just common decency." Cindy pulled off her work polo and grabbed her blouse from over the stall. One thing she wouldn't miss when she finally quit was hurriedly trying to get changed in the employee bathroom.
"I don't know Cin, that guy kinda sounds like a garden variety rude. We've had much much worse. Remember when that lady dumped her entire iced coffee on the counter to "prove" it only had three ice cubes? There's someone every week who complains about the drink sizes, why did this one guy bother you so much?"
Cindy pulled on her blazer and inspected herself in the mirror. She still felt like a kid playing dress-up whenever she put on professional attire, but at least it looked the part. "I don't know: he just bugged me. I wrote it messy enough that it could have looked like his name. I just needed to get the anger out." She was about to reapply lipstick when she glanced over, "Why are you pumping breast milk in the bathroom?"
"This is the only place they'll let me do it! And I'm about to burst. I'm going home at ten anyways, Jane will be ready for something to eat."
"And here I though you were just being a good friend," she shook her head sarcastically.
"Oh, you'll be fine. By tomorrow you'll forget all about Mr. Neutron."
Little did Cindy know just how wrong Maria could be. At seven thirty on the dot, Mr. Neutron strolled through the door. Unfortunately for Cindy, there were no other customers in line at that moment, so he strolled directly up to the counter.
She forced a smile and recited to compulsory, "Welcome to Moonbeams Coffee, how may I help you?"
He glanced up and down, as if attempting to remember if she had been there yesterday. "Yes, I would like a large macchiato with two shots of espresso. And don't-"
"I will make sure there are two shots of espresso sir." She tried to tell herself that it was just a coincidence that he had returned. She had never seen him before yesterday. "Would you like whipped cream on that?"
His face dripped with condescension. "Do I look like I want whipped cream on my coffee?"
She formed a large fake smile, "I wouldn't know sir. It's not really my job to guess whether or not someone wants whipped cream based on their appearance." She gave Neutron the once-over. He was wearing what appeared to be the exact same blue suit as yesterday. His hair was in the similar disheveled state and seemed out of place with the rest of his imppeccable appearance. She hated to admit it, but he was somewhat attractive, in a nerdy "my head is too big for my body" kind of way.
"Well I didn't ask for it yesterday, why would I want it today?"
"It's also not my job to remember a random customer's order from a previous day. Sometimes people order different things." She knew she was entering into rude territory, but Cindy didn't care anymore. This guy seemed to be intentionally antagonizing her.
He let out a mirthless laugh, "And what is your job? Oh yeah, pouring liquid into a cup. One would think you would enjoy the mental stimulation."
She glared at this Neutron guy. "One venti macchiato with two shots of espresso. That will be $4.65, with tax comes to-" he tossed the credit card on the counter and walked off.
Cindy couldn't believe it. A line had formed behind him during all the bickering and now she had to deal with the drink and getting his stupid card back to him. She grabbed the fat black marker and wrote Spewtron in clear letters on the side of the cup. There would be no mistaking it this time.
The rest of the week consisted of Mr. Nerdtron stomping in everyday in a huff at seven thirty precisely. No one was ever happy when their name was spelled incorrectly on their over-priced coffee, but he seemed to be taking it very personally. Fortunately for Cindy, she wanted him to take it personally. She found new ways to deconstruct Neutron and insult him, all the while watching his skin crawl. For someone who was clearly important, he sure was easy to annoy. She knew this was foolish, but there was a sick sort of pleasure that came from it. Besides, it was character building to have your feathers ruffled.
When Friday rolled around, Neutron appeared to have had enough. The first sign was when he came in fifteen minutes later that usual. He marched up to the counter, the usual bravado making him appear more arrogant than usual.
"Welcome to Moonbeams Coffee. Let me guess? You want to try one of our spiced pumpkin lattes?"
The sarcasm was lost on him. "No, I want a-"
"Large macchiato with two shots of espresso," they said at the same time.
"Oh, so you are capable of remembering things. Isn't it fun to use those gray cells?"
She choked back the bile rising in her throat as she entered the order. She told him the total and he actually handed her his credit card and waited while she swiped it. She handed it back, and could sense he was waiting for her to pick up the cup.
"That's Neutron."
"Sorry?"
"Neutron: N-E-U-"
"I am fully aware how to spell that, sir. I did take some science classes in my day."
"Yes, well you haven't been able to spell it correctly all week so I just assumed you needed a reminder."
She set down the marker and looked directly into his piercing blue eyes. "Did it occur to you, Mr. Neutron, that maybe servers purposely misspell people's names as revenge for customers acting rude?"
He rolled his eyes, "Did it ever occur to you-" he glanced at her nametag, "Cindy- that I'm a very busy man and I don't have time for idle pleasantries. My time is very important."
"As opposed to the rest of us mere mortals who just who are as expendable as grains of sand?"
He groaned, "Look, I just want you to spell my name correctly, is that so hard?"
She crossed her arms, "And I just want you to not talk on your phone while I'm taking your order, is that so hard?"
His expression changed to one of a steely demeanor that was clearly used to intimidate people, "I could have you fired." Unfortunately for him, it was going to take more than that to intimidate Cindy Vortex.
She raised one eyebrow and leaned in close enough to see his faint freckles, "I'd like to see you try."
He leaned back and reached a hand into his jacket pocket, "Ok, new tactic: I will give you one hundred dollars as a tip if you just spell Neutron correctly on that disposable paper cup. Deal?" he held up a crisp folded bill.
It was Cindy's turn to roll her eyes, "If you have so much money to burn, why don't you go ahead and put it in the jar for the animal shelter?"
He bristled "It's the principle of the matter."
"Good, then you understand why I won't take your bribe."
His face revealed for a fraction of a second that he was impressed by her refusal to take the money. But he immediately switches back to a look of annoyance and shoves the bill into the small jar.
She smiled and picked up the cup and marker.
He inhales before sighing loudly, "Fine, enjoy your little joke. In two hours that cup will be in the trash and I will still be making more money than you could ever dream of."
She was growing impatient, "Your drink will be ready in a few minutes Mr. Neutron. Please move to the side."
"You know, maybe if you got a real job you could put your talents to work for other things beside torturing customers."
Rage welled up inside her as she prepared the drink, her fingers so tight on the mixer that her knuckles turned white.
"Do you even know who I am? I'm the CEO of Neutrotech, the number one company in the world for developing new technologies. I patented more inventions by the age of eighteen than you have sold decaf and if you think-"
Realization dawned on Cindy as he went on his tangent about how important he is blah blah blah. She put on the lid and looked directly at him. He stopped ranting and looked at her. "Mr. Neutron, do you know what I am?"
He continued to stare.
She waited for the hour hand to reach the eight. "Off the clock." She held out the cup and smiled, "Have a nice day."
Jimmy couldn't believe it. This had to be one of the works days of his life… since high school anyway. Not only was he late for the big meeting for the newest software contract, but he had to sit there with a coffee cup that read King Cranium. That stupid barista just had to make his life difficult. Who does she think she is? It's not like he hadn't spent the better part of his life being made fun of, but now he was an important man, a wealthy important man. There weren't many problems he couldn't throw money at to make go away. But no, she just had to disrupt his already stressful life with her rude demeanor, impertinent smile and bright green eyes that saw through all his façade. He knew that he had been rude. If his parents knew that he had spoken to a service worker the way people had spoken to them for so many years- no, it wasn't his fault. He was a busy man and just who does she think she is?
He finally made it to the conference room where his assistant was waiting outside.
"Ah you're here. The patent lawyer is already inside going over the documents."
"I heard out attorney was sent by the partners themselves?"
The PA nodded, "They say she's some sort of wiz kid- passed the bar at 22 and has already made a name for herself at the firm. Should be a partner within the next five years. We couldn't have asked for better."
"Finally, some good news. Lets get started."
His good mood left the second he walked through the door. The lawyer sat at the center of the long wooden table with her head bent over a stack of folders. The familiar blond ponytail had been pulled into a bun and her teal shirt had been replaced with a green blouse with a gray blazer, but he didn't need a nametag to know who this was. He felt all the blood drain from his face.
She raised her head to reveal a wide smirk. "Hello Mr. Neutron, I'm Cynthia Vortex. Let's talk industrial design rights."