Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina

Author Notes: I didn't see many stories centering around Tama and I thought this sounded funny and is basically an interview between a tv talk show host and Tama the hot springs turtle.

words in Italics is the host speaking

everything else is Tama speaking

Beyond the Turtle Shell: The Confessions of a Hot Springs Turtle

We are here live with Tama Chan the hot springs turtle. She was a cast member on the hit show Love Hina based on the real life events of one Keitaro Urashima who was the manager of an all girls dorm even though he was a man.

I am your host Johnny Bluezones and this is our show Beyond the. . .

So, you say in your book Love Hina: The Real Story that there is many inaccuracies and downright lies in the show. Tell us about it.

I will go through the cast and tell you what parts of the story contradict my version of events.

First we have the star of the show, Keitaro Urashima, who by the way was 17 years old and was at the top of the class when he took the Tokyo U mock exam and became manager of the Hinata Sou apartment complex and wasn't a pervert. He was actually a gentleman and how he managed that with that pervert running around is beyond me.

Really, because I thought that it was Keitaro who was a perverted three time loser.

It was Naru Narusewega that was the perverted two and eventually three time loser that lived in the house. She, on the other hand, was about as stupid as you can get. She couldn't get a man to like her if her life depended on it. She was trying to seduce that man for about the whole time that he spent there as manager. She wasn't successful by the way.

Oh so you are saying that Naru changed the facts to cover her ass.

Basically, yes.

Motoko was spending most of her time beating up that perverted girl who basically ticked her off when she tried to get away with an act of perversion. She was actually a good friend of Keitaro and she taught him the art of swordsmanship but they were just good friends and were not romantically involved but were close.

So Motoko actually liked Keitaro and was attacking Naru and not Keitaro for committing acts of perversion against one of the house mates.

Shinobu was a good cook, was extremely shy and had a crush on the manager. She eventually told him of her love for him but she was too young for him. He handled it real well and they are still good friends to this day. He knew that she had a crush on him but it took time for the right words to come out so he played stupid until he knew what to do.

So he knew of Shinobu's attraction to him all this time?

Yes, he did but it seems Naru tried to paint Keitaro as a perverted idiot and this is something I dispute in my book.

And then there was my best friend Kaolla Su. We always had a good time together and we had loads of fun. She would run around and try to catch me and pretend to eat me. She did that because of how the other tenets tried to stop her and became panicked thinking she was going to eat me. She got a kick on how the other tenets panicked and ran around and basically made an ass out of themselves.

So that whole eating the turtle thing was just a gag made for a laugh.

Yes, she didn't actually want to eat me but it was aimed at making an ass out of everyone and boy did it ever.

Mutsumi was also a good friend of Keitaro and like Motoko was not romantically involved with Keitaro. They spent a lot of time together as friends and are really close to this day. We spent a lot of time together and she was a good friend and I was happy when she came over to see me at the Hinata Sou.

So Mutsumi was actually portrayed correctly in the show?

Yes she was one of the few things that were portrayed accurately and I wanted to make that clear to you and the audience.

Kanako was Keitaro's adopted sister but she was portrayed as a sex-crazed girl who wanted to sleep with Keitaro. She just misunderstood the promise he made to her as a child but they eventually patched things up and now they are closer then ever before.

So she wasn't actually trying to have a sexual relationship with Keitaro?

No, it was Naru who wrote the story and had a problem with her and tried to hide that by making herself look good and I want to make it clear that she was just a little confused about the promise that they made to each other. Naru on the other hand was basically a bitch.

So Tama Chan, did Keitaro ever hook up with a girl while living at the Hinata Sou?

Well, actually he did. There was last but not least Kitsune who was portrayed as a border line lazy, perverted alcoholic. She did drink occasionally but not as frequently as the story says she does. She was also shooting for Tokyo U but that wasn't shown in the show but in my book I describe a girl that wasn't the best in hitting the book but with Keitaro's help was able to pass the test and are now studying away in Tokyo U. She never found a man in her life that respected her for who she was and she didn't feel too good about herself.

When they both met, she was so shocked to meet a man who cared so deeply for her as well as the rest of the tenets and thought of her as a person and not just an attractive girl with a large chest. She had a hard time confessing her love to him but after Keitaro passed his exams she did confess her love and she found out that he was having the same problem as she was having. The relationship blossomed into a full-blown intimate relationship.

They eventually did marry in a ceremony that had everyone there well except for Naru who was pissed that her best friend was marrying Keitaro and not her but no one cared that she wasn't there. No one really like her that much and she eventually left the house and I don't know what happened to her after that. The ceremony was interesting to say the least but since nothing normal ever happened in this house so it didn't seem all that unusual to me at least. They are still together today and yes he did the deed with her if you know what I mean.

There was one question that I always wanted to ask. Girl or boy? The story leaves us all confused on that fact.

It is a little complicated but here it goes.

I am a girl physically but I am the reincarnation of a young Japenese perverted man who likes the hot women who live at Hinata Sou. He said with a smirk on his face. The thought that I would live in a house filled with young attractive girls is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I especially find Motoko the most attractive and follow her around all of the time and the added benefit that she is afraid of turtles makes the chase that more fun.

Oh one more thing, it seems Su is working on a machine that can turn me back into the person I was and it so seems that I and Su are hooking up once she turns me back into a man and I can't wait. I showed her what I look like and in a few weeks I will be back to my old self and that will totally rock.

So there you have it ladies and gentlemen, my interview with Tama the hot spring turtle was quite revealing into the goings-on at the Hinata House.

This is Johnny Bluezones signing off.