Just a short and sappy one-shot. Needed a break from my 'Delirious' story and this idea just popped up for some reason. Hope you enjoy
DiNozzo's fist hit his desk at a high velocity. The pain this should have caused was numbed by the blind rage he'd been feeling all afternoon. The cause of this anger was simple, yet somehow it was also the most complicated issue in his life. His partner's actions earlier that day were also simplistic, and even familiar, but were still just as infuriating as ever. Ziva threw herself head-first into harm's way (again) for reasons she refused to vocalize. Tony had a hunch that the motivation behind her recklessness may have been something to do with him. The first punch thrown in this battle was, as always, aimed in his direction. Naturally, it made contact with his jaw at such a force that he couldn't even stay on his feet. This led to the Mike Tyson wannabe, and his two buddies, being assaulted by a windmill of Ninja limbs.
Knocking out the first three gang members wasn't enough for Ziva; apparently she wanted to bulldoze the whole lot of them. This led to an all out brawl and, eventually, an actual gunfight. Tony could remember screaming out at her to wait for back up, to take cover, to fall back and regroup. But she just kept on charging forward into the warehouse, seemingly not concerned about her own well-being. By the time he'd managed to catch up with her, there was only one enemy left standing. This is when said enemy pointed a gun in the direction of his head and fired a single shot.
But for a flying Ziva, it would have been bye-bye DiNozzo. And but for a bulletproof vest, it would have been bye-bye David.
Needless to say, the shooter was quickly neutralized by the senior field agent before any of these events really had a chance to sink in. After helping his breathing, seeing and moving partner to her feet, his relief at her being unharmed was soon replaced by sheer rage. He unloaded a tongue-lashing that made even his hardened Israeli colleague flinch. He not-so-politely informed her that her actions were stupid, reckless, inconsiderate and selfish. It was the last description that saw the frightened surprise in her eyes disappear and make way for anger. Needless to say, the dynamic duo argued and shouted themselves hoarse until their boss arrived and separated them.
Hours later, and after a few stern orders and warnings from Gibbs, they fell into a tense silence as they tried to write up their respective reports on this whole ridiculous affair. Or, at least, Tony was trying. Ziva stood up and left with an exhausted and frustrated look marring her features about two minutes ago. And it only took about ten seconds of distantly gazing at her unoccupied desk for DiNozzo to snap, and violently lash out at his own. He hated it when they fought. He hated the effort it took to avoid making eye contact with her. He hated the painful realization that she was going through the same struggle, but pulling it off with apparent ease.
''Not the desk's fault.'' His boss' calm voice interrupted Tony's thoughts. The silver haired team leader had silently bared witness to his two agents' blatant hostility all day. It wasn't the first time he'd had to referee one of these emotional boxing matches, and his vast experience of doing so must have made him almost bored of it by now.
''Oh, believe me, I know whose fault this is.'' Tony replied bitterly. And it was the truth, only he didn't blame Ziva anymore. Yes, he was still mad at her. But after deep contemplation, he now felt like a complete ass for the way he handled everything. He may have been out of line with his furious outburst earlier. His partner did grossly undervalue her life in the fight, but he was definitely at fault for their current indifference.
Gibbs looked up at Tony for the first time with a steely look of examination. ''You blame yourself.'' It was a statement, not a question, and a true statement at that. His boss knew him far too well. ''Think you went too hard on her?''
Yes, he did think that. He was always hard on Ziva when she gave him a goddamn heart attack. The only problem was that he could never stay mad at her. After a few hours of being inconsolably angry, he would calm down and his urge to shake her by the shoulders would slowly vanish. After it truly hit him that she was still alive and well, he would normally just want to hold her tight and seek comfort in her touch. But that never happened. That wasn't how their relationship worked. He just had to sit here and pretend he wasn't completely in love with her.
He simply nodded as a response, never once removing his eyes from her desk.
''Make it right.'' Gibbs ordered in typical fashion.
Tony scoffed and finally looked over at his leader. ''You think it's that easy, boss?'' He asked with raised eyebrows. ''Ziva's not exactly the type to forgive you in a hurry.''
His boss' face formed an expression of agreement. ''Nope. But right now she's hoping you're the one who'll do the forgiving.''
Really? She still seemed pretty pissed at him a minute ago. If she wanted to be forgiven, wouldn't she have apologized? Or at least tried to talk it all through with him in a far calmer manner than earlier? After consideration, Tony decided that she was probably just wallowing in her regret the same way he was: silently. He knew how hard it was for her to try and restore peace with him after a prolonged argument. He was also aware that he had the exact same problem.
''I always forgive her.'' He found himself admitting softly. ''It's a lot easier than it should be.''
There was nothing but understanding in Gibbs' eyes. He nodded once before issuing another order. Though, this one was actually in the form or a rhetorical question. ''You think she knows that?''
That really made Tony think. He'd never told her that he always ended up looking past her transgressions with mysterious haste. He'd also never told her why that was the case. That particular explanation was the actual scary part. So, no, he figured she didn't know any of it. Clearly his boss was aware of that, hence the subtle hint/order the sly marine just provided. Tony quickly stood up from his chair and made his way across the bullpen in the direction of the bathrooms. He had a sudden burst of determination to put this right. The fact of the matter was that his bond with Ziva was too rare, and too precious, to put under this continuous strain. He needed to be honest with her. Really honest. They'd worked hard on being more open with each other over the past year. But certain events involving dying Mossad Directors, and DOD investigations led by slimy jerks called Richard Parsons, had disrupted the period of growth their relationship was previously flourishing in. Tony had to change that.
He stormed into the ladies room without hesitation. And there she stood, as he hoped, in front of the mirror staring aimlessly downward. She looked desperately sad, to the point where he could have sworn he saw evidence of drying tears on her cheeks. His heart squeezed at the sight, and he had to fight the urge to offer her the reassuring comfort she needed. It would have been a bit of bold move to walk over and hug her after the day they'd had. He had locked the door, and taken exactly one step into the room, before Ziva spoke up.
''This is usually the other way around.'' She stated with a quiet and thin voice.
He guessed she was referring to the fact that their previous bathroom confrontations were usually instigated by her in the men's room. ''Yeah. I thought I'd try springing the old bathroom ambush this time.'' He told her with a small smile. ''It always seems to do the trick for you.''
''And would the trick, in this case, be the ability to yell at me without Gibbs hearing it?''
There was no fight in her voice, just resignation. It sounded as though she not only expected another verbal beating, but actually felt worthy of receiving it. He needed to start playing the honesty card early on this one. ''No. I'm done with all the fighting.'' He informed her sternly. ''I actually wanted to apologize.''
Her brow furrowed in confusion as she looked up and met his eyes through the reflection. ''You are apologizing to me?'' She asked in a surprised tone. He nodded in confirmation. ''Why?''
He started pacing as he tried to find a way to put his jumbled thoughts into words. ''I just feel like I crossed the line earlier. I mean, I was mad at you. I still am a little mad, actually, but I still think I overreacted.'' He ran a nervous hand through his hair before continuing. ''I meant a lot of what I said, but I didn't mean to be such an ass about it.''
She finally turned to face him and crossed her arms. This was her argument mode. God, could they please last at least a few more minutes without fighting?
''I told you, Tony, that it was adrenaline. They hurt you and then-''
''And then shot at me, and so you decided that you were willing to just throw your life away for me...yeah, I get it. We've been through this, Ziva.'' He interrupted with a hint of frustration. ''Like I said, I'm still kinda mad about it.''
''Why?'' She asked, but without any hint of anger. She sounded genuinely curious.
Well, where does he start? He could tell her that, as much as he appreciates her looking out for him, that doesn't mean he's willing to watch her die in front of his eyes. He could tell her that there's no point in saving his life if it means she's no longer in it. He could tell her that he loves her too much to even contemplate living in a world where she was permanently absent. Seriously, he'd tried it before and it was hell.
''Why?'' He repeats with raised eyebrows and wide eyes. ''How about the fact that I could have lost my partner- my best friend- all because she couldn't resist the urge to take on a whole army of gang-bangers by herself.'' His voice grew louder now as he found himself losing control of his composure. ''That I had to just watch helplessly from a distance as you punched and kicked and shot your way further into trouble, not knowing whether or not the next shot fired would bury itself into your skin, all because some idiot hit me in the face.'' He stepped closer to her and lowered his voice to softer level. ''And then…you take a bullet for me. I'm starting to think you don't value your own life at all.''
His words hit home. A brief look of shame etched over her face as her eyes went shiny. ''I cannot help it.'' She confessed thickly. ''Whenever someone hurts you, I lose control. I do not care what happens to me, I just want to protect you and get you out safely.''
He understood. He really did. Whenever someone so much as laid a finger on Ziva, he lost all sense of self preservation and calm. He would tear the perpetrator to shreds without restraint, and without a second's hesitation. So, in a way, he knew it was hypocritical of him to disapprove of her actions. He still did, though.
''It's a reflex, right?'' He asked her, praying she would understand his reference to another argument they had a lifetime ago. The one after their little war game. She had acted equally as recklessly that day, and he wasn't too shy to let her know about it.
She met his eyes and he knew, he could just tell, she was remembering that incident in the elevator. ''Yes.'' She agreed quietly. ''We have had this discussion before, many years ago. That was different, though.''
''How?''
Her face melted in to one of open affection. ''Because we are far closer now.''
His stomach did a little flip as her point was well and truly made. It was very true. Back then they would never even admit to being friends, let alone best friends. They would always have each others backs, but not quite to the extent that they did now. He was only just developing feelings for her then, but he didn't feel the bone-melting love for her that had now become almost painfully constant in his life.
''You remember what I said to you that day? In the elevator?'' He dared to ask. She simply gave him a clueless look in response. He guessed he'd have to remind her. ''I said I was tired of pretending.''
Her breath caught slightly as she now seemingly recollected those words.
''I meant it then, and I still mean it.'' He continued through a tight throat. ''Only you're right, it is different now. It's in an entirely different context now.'' He took a deep breath for courage, but that didn't lower his heart-rate to a safer level like hoped. ''I'm tired of pretending that you aren't the most important person in my life. I'm tired of pretending that I want to yell at you when I really want to hug you. I'm tired of pretending that I don't need you, Ziva- all of you. I need you right there beside me, all the time, otherwise…'' He swallowed the tears back before finishing. ''Otherwise my life has no meaning.''
She absorbed all this with a longing look in her deep brown eyes. Her chin quivered as the tears finally escaped. She stepped forward and ran a hand over his bruised jaw, before leaning forward and resting her head on his chest. Clearly his words had successfully gotten the message across, but not all of it.
''So just remember…'' He added in a whisper. ''That if saving my life means losing yours, it's not worth it. My life begins and ends with you. Always.''
She sniffled before wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace. All the fighting was over, it seemed. ''It is worth it to me.'' She replies softly. ''You are the most important person in my life as well, Tony. Do you think I am willing to let myself lose you if I can do something to stop it?''
He inhaled her scent and found a huge amount of warmth and comfort in her close presence. It also gave him courage and a new-found power to speak from the heart. ''I think neither of us want to lose each other.'' He stated in a more strong voice. ''But to make sure that never happens, we've got to stick together. You can't just run off into a hail of bullets without me there to watch your back. If we always fight together, as a team, then we can stop this crap from happening again.''
He heard another muffled sniffle against his chest. ''I am sorry, Tony.''
His chest ached with love for this woman. She never had to apologize to him. Ever. He could never stay mad at her. He just wished she'd stop worrying him sick. He kissed the top of her head lightly. ''I told you, I'm the sorry one.''
She pulled back and locked her gaze to his once more. ''We are both sorry.'' She said with a small smile. He nodded in agreement, but she had more to say apparently. ''When do you think we will stop pretending, Tony?''
He considered that for a few moments. He thought back to the progress they'd made over the last twelve months. They were so much more honest with each other and weren't afraid to openly express how much they cared. In a way, they had already stopped pretending. But he was aware that, for him at least, he still hadn't given her the full picture.
''I think we already have.'' He stated honestly. ''Well, I know I have, at least. I've learned to be more grateful for you recently, and that your role in my life is much bigger than just a partner. I can accept that I really can't live without you.'' His words became harder to release as his nervousness nearly paralyzed him. ''And I'm finally able to admit to myself that I love you.''
He watched as her face melted into one of surprise. There was something in her eyes, though, that told him his words weren't exactly unwelcome to her ears.
''And, I guess…I just admitted it to you too.'' He added with a shy smile.
After he'd spent a few too many agonizing seconds waiting for her to respond, he ran a hand through her hair intimately, trying to break her out of the trance of disbelief she seemed to be in. When it was evident that she was not going to say anything, he decided to reassure her.
''You might not want to hear that. And that's okay. I just wanted you to know it.'' He told her warmly. ''I wanted you to know how treasured your life is, so you don't go throwing it away on my account.''
She looked like she was about to finally speak, but must have decided against it. Instead, she reached up and held his face between her hands before leaning up and gently kissing him on the lips. It was soft and it was short, but it had Tony's heart racing and his whole body tingling in an entirely good way. It was not how he'd always dreamed their first kiss would be like, but it was somehow far more perfect.
''Does this mean we're not fighting anymore?'' He asked with teasing grin.
She beamed back at him, a full joyful smile, as they rested their foreheads against each other. ''It looks like it.''
''We gonna give this a shot?'' He asked with a far more serious expression. They both knew what he was talking about. Were they finally going to bite the bullet and let their relationship evolve? He knew he was ready, but was she? Her kiss suggested she was, but he needed a clearer confirmation.
His heart just about exploded when it came. ''Yes.'' She said in a sure voice. ''I am going to stop pretending I do not love you too.''
Wow. This day had gone from being terrible to one of the best of Tony's life. He kissed her again, this time it was deep and drugging. She loved him too. She just said it. He'd never felt so giddily gleeful in all his life. This bathroom ambush was a huge success. The painful chapter of their lives, full of lying, pretending and hurt, had finally been closed. The page had turned, and a new era of their relationship had begun.
Yeah, I know, that was so fluffy it probably hurt your eyes. But hey, I needed to write it. Don't know why. Cheers for reading and don't be afraid to review.