The décor of El Blanco's subterranean throne room could only
be described as severe. The walls were rough hewn stone, the
once-ornate floor worn smooth from thousands of years of
Tremors traversing its surface. In various places pools of
dusty water had collected. Several torches burned, sending
oily soot into the air. Everywhere hung tattered tapestries,
depicting ancient Graboid victories. Some featured El Blanco
himself. The old wyrm stretched out upon a huge raised
platform, with a series of scrolls laid before him.
"These maps are no longer accurate! How many years has it
been since a Tremor has been able to roam free upon the
surface of this infernal Earth? I must send a legion of my
most superior Graboids to survey this jewel called Perfection
Valley. For this mission, possibly my last, must be
flawlessly executed. This birthday party must be a
surprise..."
Burt ably piloted his dune buggy into the garage. Removing
his goggles, he bellowed "Tyler! Come help me carry the
groceries into the kitchen!"
As Burt continued to unpack, Tyler ambled out of the house
and began lifting bags of tinned peaches out of the buggy's
netting. "Did you remember to get some cake mix?"
"Now, I told you that we weren't going to make a big deal of
this."
"If you say so, but I think the girls are going to be pretty
disappointed you won't let us have a party."
"I'll worry about the girls; you worry about finishing that
perimeter fence."
Tyler took all of the groceries into the kitchen. Nancy and
Rosalita jumped up in surprise. In unison they exclaimed,
"We thought you might have been Burt!"
"No, it's me Tyler. There is bad news; Burt did not buy any
cake mix."
Rosalita sighed, "Tyler, we told you that Jodie is going to
bring the cake mix with her when she comes in from her
store."
"This birthday party is supposed to be a surprise," declared
Nancy.
Tyler looked embarrassed. "Oh man! I think I may have let
some info slip! Well, lets get back to work on these
decorations; Burt's going to be out there for hours tweakin'
that buggy."
The trio then hunkered down over a table covered with jars of
paste and scraps of crepe paper.
Lavender and marmalade hues began painting the desert sky.
Evening was fast approaching and the cake was going to
require at least thirty minutes of preparation. Jodie
shifted her jeep into a lower gear to power over some rubble.
After cresting the ridge, she shifted up and began gaining
speed. It was then that she saw some Tremors scooting about
on the sandy ground in the valley below.
"I don't know what to do" she whispered aloud to her
surroundings. "But I must make it through."
Jodie eased on the brake and began slowly picking her way
through the slimy Graboid bodies. They were not paying any
attention to her! That uzi Burt gave her would remain in the
glove box.
When Jodie finally pulled up to the house she saw Burt
buryin' his nose in his buggy. She gave a yelp to gain his
attention.
"Hello, Jodie! What brought you out tonight?"
Thinking fast, she yelled back "I just saw a bunch of fucking
Tremors in the north part of the valley! They may have been
plotting!"
Burt took on a steely glare. "Go into the house and tell
Tyler to meet me out here in thirty seconds, and he should
bring my AK-47. Maybe a grenade launcher, too..."
As Burt trailed off, Jodie ran into the house and told Tyler
what was up. He grabbed some shurikens and shit, including
ninja stars, and bolted for the door. The girls then
giggled, "With the men out of the house we can bake this cake
and put up the decorations. Burt will flip his wig when he
gets home."
After several hours of brutal combat, Burt and Tyler
staggered back to the house. When they came up the steps,
multicolored light cast out from the windows, and the sounds
of Jimmy Buffet lilted upon the air, lightly.
Burt groaned. He opened the door to a small party. A banner
hung overhead which read "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
Everyone inside yelled "Happy birthday!" as he came through
the crooked doorway.
Burt decided that perhaps it would be alright to have fun for
a few minutes, and began to loosen up a bit. "What with all
the Graboids that were brutally murdered by me tonight, we
can probably relax."
It was then that everyone began to feel strange tremors in
the ground. Burt ran outside, and just then El Blanco reared
his magnificent head.
"Happy birthday, you rapscallion!" As El Blanco spoke his
deep voice vibrated so much that tremors were felt. "But the
real reason for this celebration is that it is also my
birthday on this very day. I have now lived 100,000 Earth
years. And upon achieving this age, that is when Tremors
mature past their larval stage!"
It was then that a weird crevice appeared along El Blanco's
skin. A creepy light began shooting from this, and soon all
were blinded by this really bright light. When the light
subsided in place of a giant, gross worm stood an
indescribable entity. It then said "I am outta here! So
long, bitches!"
As the entity mad a blue streak across the night sky, Burt
loosed a barrage of land-to-air missiles, to no avail.
"Oh well."
be described as severe. The walls were rough hewn stone, the
once-ornate floor worn smooth from thousands of years of
Tremors traversing its surface. In various places pools of
dusty water had collected. Several torches burned, sending
oily soot into the air. Everywhere hung tattered tapestries,
depicting ancient Graboid victories. Some featured El Blanco
himself. The old wyrm stretched out upon a huge raised
platform, with a series of scrolls laid before him.
"These maps are no longer accurate! How many years has it
been since a Tremor has been able to roam free upon the
surface of this infernal Earth? I must send a legion of my
most superior Graboids to survey this jewel called Perfection
Valley. For this mission, possibly my last, must be
flawlessly executed. This birthday party must be a
surprise..."
Burt ably piloted his dune buggy into the garage. Removing
his goggles, he bellowed "Tyler! Come help me carry the
groceries into the kitchen!"
As Burt continued to unpack, Tyler ambled out of the house
and began lifting bags of tinned peaches out of the buggy's
netting. "Did you remember to get some cake mix?"
"Now, I told you that we weren't going to make a big deal of
this."
"If you say so, but I think the girls are going to be pretty
disappointed you won't let us have a party."
"I'll worry about the girls; you worry about finishing that
perimeter fence."
Tyler took all of the groceries into the kitchen. Nancy and
Rosalita jumped up in surprise. In unison they exclaimed,
"We thought you might have been Burt!"
"No, it's me Tyler. There is bad news; Burt did not buy any
cake mix."
Rosalita sighed, "Tyler, we told you that Jodie is going to
bring the cake mix with her when she comes in from her
store."
"This birthday party is supposed to be a surprise," declared
Nancy.
Tyler looked embarrassed. "Oh man! I think I may have let
some info slip! Well, lets get back to work on these
decorations; Burt's going to be out there for hours tweakin'
that buggy."
The trio then hunkered down over a table covered with jars of
paste and scraps of crepe paper.
Lavender and marmalade hues began painting the desert sky.
Evening was fast approaching and the cake was going to
require at least thirty minutes of preparation. Jodie
shifted her jeep into a lower gear to power over some rubble.
After cresting the ridge, she shifted up and began gaining
speed. It was then that she saw some Tremors scooting about
on the sandy ground in the valley below.
"I don't know what to do" she whispered aloud to her
surroundings. "But I must make it through."
Jodie eased on the brake and began slowly picking her way
through the slimy Graboid bodies. They were not paying any
attention to her! That uzi Burt gave her would remain in the
glove box.
When Jodie finally pulled up to the house she saw Burt
buryin' his nose in his buggy. She gave a yelp to gain his
attention.
"Hello, Jodie! What brought you out tonight?"
Thinking fast, she yelled back "I just saw a bunch of fucking
Tremors in the north part of the valley! They may have been
plotting!"
Burt took on a steely glare. "Go into the house and tell
Tyler to meet me out here in thirty seconds, and he should
bring my AK-47. Maybe a grenade launcher, too..."
As Burt trailed off, Jodie ran into the house and told Tyler
what was up. He grabbed some shurikens and shit, including
ninja stars, and bolted for the door. The girls then
giggled, "With the men out of the house we can bake this cake
and put up the decorations. Burt will flip his wig when he
gets home."
After several hours of brutal combat, Burt and Tyler
staggered back to the house. When they came up the steps,
multicolored light cast out from the windows, and the sounds
of Jimmy Buffet lilted upon the air, lightly.
Burt groaned. He opened the door to a small party. A banner
hung overhead which read "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
Everyone inside yelled "Happy birthday!" as he came through
the crooked doorway.
Burt decided that perhaps it would be alright to have fun for
a few minutes, and began to loosen up a bit. "What with all
the Graboids that were brutally murdered by me tonight, we
can probably relax."
It was then that everyone began to feel strange tremors in
the ground. Burt ran outside, and just then El Blanco reared
his magnificent head.
"Happy birthday, you rapscallion!" As El Blanco spoke his
deep voice vibrated so much that tremors were felt. "But the
real reason for this celebration is that it is also my
birthday on this very day. I have now lived 100,000 Earth
years. And upon achieving this age, that is when Tremors
mature past their larval stage!"
It was then that a weird crevice appeared along El Blanco's
skin. A creepy light began shooting from this, and soon all
were blinded by this really bright light. When the light
subsided in place of a giant, gross worm stood an
indescribable entity. It then said "I am outta here! So
long, bitches!"
As the entity mad a blue streak across the night sky, Burt
loosed a barrage of land-to-air missiles, to no avail.
"Oh well."