Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! nor any of its characters.
Summary: love; a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
ways to love
Shizuo loved reluctantly.
He wasn't one to daydream about romance or need someone to be by his side. He lived all his life perfectly fine without having people hold him, without listening to sweet words and sharing kisses. Shizuo was strong – very much so, and that strength forced him into loneliness until he became afraid of coming too close to others.
But he was an exception.
Looking back then, he couldn't really understand how they went from regularly causing a ruckus in town to an actual couple. He could recall all of it and still simply not understand.
At night, as he lay on his back staring at the ceiling with the raven sleeping soundly in his arms, he couldn't understand it.
Orihara Izaya was the one person Shizuo had never been afraid to touch – afraid to break. During most of their history together, it was because breaking him was the one thing that he wanted to do the most. Just having the man standing in his eyesight was enough to snap something inside him, like a part of his mind was a bomb and Izaya was the only one able to set it off.
That's how he realized he had fallen for him.
When he had the man in his arms and couldn't help but freeze at the thought of hurting him, he realized he loved Izaya.
It didn't go unnoticed by the raven, who also stopped and looked at him questioningly, expression slightly contorting into a concerned one as he saw Shizuo's face. He had his hands frozen on the smaller hips, barely putting any pressure on them, as he stared wide-eyed at the floor.
Love.
Such a strong, disgusting, corrosive and beautiful feeling to hold.
"I'm not afraid of you," the informant whispered, eyes locked on the blonde's.
The man didn't move, and Izaya proceeded to stand on his toes to press a kiss to his mouth, not surprised when it took the taller a few seconds to hesitantly respond. It was sweet and slow, the kind of gesture not always shared between the two.
Suddenly, the kiss was broken as the raven completely let go of himself, falling backwards on purpose.
He wasn't surprised when strong arms quickly wrapped themselves around his waist again, pulling him up against Shizuo's chest. For a second, he could hear the fast rhythm of the taller's heart, before he was pushed away only enough to be able to look the man in his eyes.
"What do you think you're doing?!"
"Showing you," Izaya started, a small smile hinting on his lips. "That I mean it."
Shizuo breathed deeply, trying to regain his composure; usually something like that would be nothing, especially since he was used to the raven teasing him endlessly. But he was shaken. Shaken by the realization that the informant had once again set up a trap for him, one from which he didn't think he could ever escape.
Heiwajima Shizuo was strong. He was overwhelmingly strong, everyone in town knew not to mess with him. They knew they could be sent to the hospital within five seconds of interaction, or even be thrown across the neighborhood – if they were lucky enough. When asked about it, they'd say there was no one that could ever beat someone like him, the strongest man in Ikebukuro.
Shizuo was strong, and he was painfully aware of it. He was painfully aware of a lot of things, including pain. He knew pain in all its forms, but its physical one, the one he had regularly experienced throughout his whole life, he knew the most.
Because of Izaya, he had been run over twice and even shot. It wouldn't be a lie to say that those occurances hadn't meant much; his body could recover quickly and soon no traces that they ever happened could be found on it. It had hurt, but then he had gotten up and left like it was nothing, when a normal person would certainly have died.
And yet, there he was.
He could have trucks sending him flying and gangsters making holes on his back, and none of it would even come closer to the realization that had hit him harshly.
As he stared at the man in front of him, he thought too much and too little, his chest became warmer to a point he could swear it would explode, and his arms pulled the man closer into a tight, needed embrace. Izaya soon returned it, feeling the blond lower his head until it rested on the his shoulder, hair covering his face.
They stayed like that for minutes in complete silence, until Shizuo finally raised his head and loosened his hold on the other. He said nothing, but slowly leaned in to kiss the man who was about to say something, shutting him up. It was short, but served as closure to what had happened then, replacing the words that Shizuo was so hesitant to say.
Not long after, they went to bed, and opposing to routine, the Orihara had fallen asleep quickly and Shizuo was left to his thoughts.
The raven had his head on his chest, having fallen asleep to the man's heartbeat. Staring at the ceiling, the blond's arms were around him, moving his fingers slowly on his back as he processed what had happened that night.
He looked back at it all, and there was no explanation.
He recalled Shinra talking about Celty, how he thought he could never feel that way for someone else.
He stared at the man in his arms and couldn't help but smile.
Heiwajima Shizuo loved reluctantly.
But he still loved Orihara Izaya.
Izaya loved physically.
He loved that way because, even if he would never admit it, love was the only thing that left him at a loss of words.
Izaya wasn't romantic – he wasn't fond of public displays of affection, he would never go out of his way to buy chocolate for Valentine's Day, and he most definitely wouldn't choose Shizuo's morning kisses over his black, much needed coffee.
Most of the time, the raven didn't really mind other people's problems, and would rarely try to solve any of them, unless it involved work he actually intended to do. That's why when Heiwajima Shizuo came in one day obviously nervous and with something on his mind, he had planned to say no.
"I think... Y-you know, we should..."
Will you be my boyfriend?
He knew everything about emotions one person could hope to know; he knew which one affected which area of the human body the most, he knew how to spot them in random people on the street and he was a master manipulator of them.
Even so, he couldn't help but feel confused and light-headed when a warm feeling made its way across his chest, when he felt his pulse quicken.
He could barely hold back the smile that annoyingly tried to force itself into his features.
"Yes, Shizu-chan."
After everything was said and done, he knew he had made a terrible mistake. Izaya was many things, and idiot was not one of them. He was aware of his personality and nature, and perhaps even more aware of Shizuo's.
The informant knew they could never work out together.
And yet, months later, there they were.
In a quiet, normal evening at the raven's luxurious apartment, they spent their time on the sofa with a long since forgotten TV showing a random culinary channel.
Shizuo was sitting with the man on his lap; they were kissing passionately, Izaya with his hands completely messing the other's hair up as the blond caressed his back through the fabric of his shirt, dying to take it off. The raven rolled his hips as he pressed his chest against the taller's, a muffled groan making him smirk against the man's lips.
Suddenly breaking the kiss, the informant brought his fingers to Shizuo's shirt, quickly unbuttoning it as he panted heavily, trying to take deep breaths to regain his composure. The blonde kept caressing him on the sides, curious.
"You're so eager today."
"Am I?"
Finally succeeding at undoing all the buttons, he helped the blond take it off before resuming to kiss him – more and more and more and more.
It wasn't enough.
They soon broke it again and it was Shizuo's turn to take the man's shirt off, before they smashed their lips together once more.
It was never enough.
Orihara Izaya was aware of himself. He didn't waste time fooling his mind because he knew there was no point to it. He knew his strengths and his weaknesses, just like he knew so many people's. His fears and hopes, the light and darkness within his heart.
He was so painfully human and he was awfully aware of it – even when there were times he thought of himself as a monster.
"Shizu-chan."
The need in his voice was clear and he didn't bother hiding it.
"Yeah."
As Shizuo gave him one last kiss before lifting him up to carry him to the bedroom, he knew he loved him.
And surprisingly, he hoped the blond knew it too.
Even so, there were times when realization would almost knock him out of air, when he had to go out of his way to touch the taller, to kiss him everywhere he could afford to, to have sex – and make love – until he felt the room spinning, until he felt it so much that he couldn't stay awake anymore.
When Shizuo smiled at him and whispered his name in his ear, he could swear he had never imagined such a short, simple, overused word such as love would have caught him off guard.
Him, of everyone out there.
As the bed creaked and his knuckles turned white, as moans filled the room and his lungs barely held any air, as he panted while kisses were trailed accross his jaw –
Shizuo pulled him closer as both tried to steady their breaths, caressing the man's back and kissing his head. He could feel the raven shaking, body still recovering as he panted heavily. The blond kept brushing his lips against the other's hair as he slowly came back to his senses.
They kept like that, breathing each other's mixed essences for minutes. Izaya still felt overwhelmed, but at ease, as if everything was just fine if they could be like that for just a little more, even when he knew they could be that way for the whole night.
He got up on his elbows and hovered over the blond, giving him a chaste kiss.
"You really are eager today."
He smirked.
"Don't you like it?"
As they kissed, Izaya could taste everything that he thought he could never feel, everything that he didn't know he was capable of having.
Orihara Izaya loved physically.
Because that was the best way to love Heiwajima Shizuo.
A/N: hahahaha shizaya's gonna be the end of me. I hope you enjoy, thank you for reading!