"So you and Rose loved each other" Damon just looked at me like I was on crack.
"Please Elena, we didn't know each other long enough to love one another, but I do admit that I started to care about her, but it was never about love"
"What was it about then" he just rolled his eyes at me and slouched a little in annoyment
"Why do you care so much" how can he even ask me that
"Because damon, I'm your friend" he seemed to get a little angry at that
"Well you know what, I don't want you to be my friend" that caught me off guard, and I flinched back at how much hearing those words hurt. I shake my head at him
"You don't mean that" please don't mean that
"Why are you really her Elena" he said in a tone that held anger as he went to get himself a drink
"You know why. I want to make sure that you're mourning her loss and not bottling up all your emotions like you always do" he downs it all in one gulp and says
"Well if you know what I'm going to do, then what makes you think you being here is going to change anything" he says getting even more annoyed. I walk closer to him
"Damon, you need to learn to let people in, let me in. You shouldn't be closed off all the time, it's not healthy"
"That's where you're wrong Elena, opening up is what's going to get me killed" I shake my head in disagreement
"Think about it, I opened myself up to Katherine and she says she never loved me, that it was always Stefan, I opened myself up to you, and you do the same thing, I opened myself up to Bree and she tries to have me killed because I made a mistake, which I guess I deserved, and then I opened up to Rose and she dies, which is my fault. I cant take it anymore, Elena. The hurt is just to much to handle."
I can see the hurt in his eyes, like he is about ready to break "Damon, I'm sorry for all the hurt you are going through, I wish I could help take it away, but I promise you, one day someone will love you, all of you, the bad and the good."
"You didn't" I want to tell him that I do, but I'm not ready to take that step yet, and even though I'm not with Stefan I know it would hurt him if I went out with his brother
"Damon…" I reply but he interrupts me
"Don't Elena. I always wanted to know that if I showed someone who I really am, if they could love me for it, and because of you I finally found out the answer. So I guess I owe you a thanks for clearing that up for me."
I could see that he was on the verge of tears. How do I always manage to hurt him when I try not to. I see him down another glass of bourbon before he went to put his jacket on.
"what are you doing" he looks at me and starts to walk away
"I'm leaving. I've had enough of this sharing and caring moment" I follow him outside, starting to get angry
"why do you always leave when things get serious, when you actually have to admit that you feel. Do you have any idea how hard it is to talk to you, without you turning your back and walking away" he turns around and has a smirk on his face
"well if it's so hard and frustrating, then why do you bother" I stare him in the eyes, not backing down
"because Damon, I lo…you're my friend and I care about you" with that he glares at me
"well don't. I don't need to share my feelings, I don't need to have someone care about me, I don't need family and I don't need friends…and I don't need you" my eyes start to water at hearing him say that, but I keep them back before they fall
"Why are you being so mean" in an instant he is right in front of me staring down at me
"what about you, you're the one lying to yourself and everyone else about how you really feel"
"Damon, we've already been through this" he takes a step back and nods his head "ya I know, it's always going to be Stefan, but you're not even with him now" he comes in even closer this time
"say it" I just look at him confused "say you don't love me. If you say it and make me believe you mean it, then I will leave it alone, and I will never bring it up again…so SAY it" I know I should say it, because of Stefan, but I just cant bring myself to find my voice, I cant lie to him, not now, not with him looking at me like that.
"that's what I thought" he brings his hand up and pushes some of my hair behind my ear and goes to stroke my cheek "you want me to talk about my feelings, but why should I, when you don't, at least not about what you really want" I know he's right, I've fallen for him awhile ago, but I couldn't bring myself to admit it, so I buried those feelings deep down, and now I don't know if I can deny them any longer.