I Can't Be Your Friend
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Song, Thoughts
Summary: "Jack O'Neill and I just can't be friends, anymore."
Song: "I Can't Be Your Friend" by Rushlow. To listen to the song that inspired this fic, do a Google search on " 'Tim Rushlow- I Can't Be Your Friend' " and click on the link (it will be close to the top, if not at the top) to a lyrics page that is under the domain (the song should play automatically).
Season: Late season eight
Spoilers: Knowledge of Sam's and Jack's supposed promotions in season eight.
Featured Character(s): Samantha Carter
Pairing(s): Sam/Jack (Like there is any other realistic pairing!)
Archive: With my permission. I only ask that you ask me first (but I'd be honored!).
WARNINGS: Mild swearing, but no more than on the show.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, but I wish I did. Don't sue me. Oh, yeah, and Rushlow owns the song "I Can't Be Your Friend". I don't. (Uh, duh!)
A/N: This is the first fanfic I've ever written, so please be nice. (I wasn't even aware I had a muse until mine started bugging me to write this!) Also, this story has not been beta-ed, so any mistakes are entirely my own. Thoughts are in single quotes ('abc'), thoughts from Sam's "inner voices" are in single quotes and underlined ('abc'), and lyrics are in double quotes ("abc").
And now, our feature presentation…
Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter sat in her lab in the SGC, mulling over the largest problem she had dealt with since… since she had attempted to solve an algebraic equation at the tender age of five.
What was this conundrum, this Gordian knot that could not be untied?
Feelings, that's what.
Naquada reactors and subspace fields could be dealt with. Feelings, on the other hand, were, indeed, a problem of great magnitude, an equation that couldn't be solved through any amount of scientific calculation.
'Why does this have to be so hard a decision?' Sam thought angrily, her azure eyes cutting sharply into the depressing, military-gray, concrete walls of her lab.
'Oh, I don't know. Why would it be such a hard decision?' a voice in her head mocked sarcastically. 'This is only the rest of your life you're determining.'
God! Her thoughts were even starting to sound like him.
With an exasperated sigh, Sam picked up from her desk a piece of bright white computer paper, pausing to scowl derisively at its contents. Meticulously folding the precious document into thirds, she shut down her computer and gathered up her things. Not even bothering to change out of her loosely fitting military-issue BDU's, she headed out to her silver Volvo and left the base, signing out at the gate.
Driving home, Sam turned on the radio. Randomly tweaking the control knob, she happened to tune into a country station. A new song had just started playing; it had a mellow, upbeat guitar sound and a medium tempo emphasized by the strong rhythm of drums. The man singing it had a rich voice, and Sam found herself listening intently to the lyrics.
"This might come as quite a shock
But I've given it a lot of thought
This thing that's come between us can't be ignored"
For some reason, the words instantly felt familiar to Sam. 'I can sure say that I've thought about this "thing" a whole helluva lot,' she thought. 'It's way too important to forget about.' The song went on:
"I've taken all I can
And this is where it's gotta end
I can't be your friend, anymore
"And I can't be accused
Of not being there for you
How many nights have you shown up at my door
I hope you understand
That this wasn't in my plans
But I can't be your friend, anymore"
'I really didn't plan to fall in love with my CO, did I?' Sam mused.
'Of course you didn't, dear, but fate is so cruel,' her heart said with a heavy sigh.
"And it's killing me to know you
Without having a chance to hold you
And all I want to do is show you
How I really feel inside
You can run to me, you can laugh at me
Or you can walk right out that door
But I can't be your friend, anymore
"So baby now it's up to you
Do I win or do I lose
Will my heart fly or lie broken on the floor
Well, take me as I am
Cuz I wanna be your man
But I can't be your friend, anymore"
'Will I win his love? Will I lose his friendship, or worse, his respect?' Sam asked herself. 'I really don't know; none of what happens after this is up to me. His reaction will decide what my future holds, and if he feels the way I think he does…' Sam stopped short. If. How could a one syllable word like that frighten her, Dr. Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter, theoretical astrophysicist and kick-ass soldier? She used bigger words than that every single day!
'I can answer that, Carter. It's because you're afraid of the unknown,' said an annoying voice in her head.
'As much as I appreciate your nice little imitation of Dr. Mackenzie,' Sam snapped at the voice, 'that's not what I need right now.'
At the same time, though, and as much as it hurt her pride, Sam knew the little voice was right. She was afraid of the uncertainty of having her life, her whole future, put into someone else's hands. But there was not a single person she'd trust with her fate more than Jack.
"And it's killing me to know you
Without having a chance to hold you
And all I want to do is show you
How I really feel inside
You can run to me, you can laugh at me
Or you can walk right out that door
But I can't be just friends, anymore
"We can't be just friends, anymore"
'I hate knowing "Colonel O'Neill", knowing "Sir", but not knowing the real man, not knowing "Jack". That is killing me. Maybe I should just do what I've been thinking about doing for seven years. What's the worst that could happen?'
'He could end up breaking your heart, and then your sacrifice would have been for nothing."
'Okay, so that's a distinct possibility. But I'll have to take that risk; I just can't do it, anymore. All I really know for certain is that whether Jack O'Neill holds me or pushes me away, I can't be his friend, just his friend, any longer. Jack O'Neill and I just can't be friends, anymore.'
And with that thought Sam Carter pulled a 180, heart racing at the fear of her unknown future, hands gripping the wheel like it was her lifeline, car racing back toward the base… finally ready to hand in her letter of resignation to General O'Neill.
-Fin!-
A/N: Tell me what ya think! I'd love to hear how amazing my story was… but if my writing needs work, (as I'm sure it does) feel free to give me some kind and constructive criticism (but that means no flaming!). Also, let me know if you want a second chapter from Jack's POV.