It was over.
Natalie couldn't take it anymore.
Her mother was gone. Completely out of her life.
She promised she would keep in touch.
Natalie thought it would be better if she didn't. For both of their sakes.
She was already turning into her mother; she didn't need the reminder.
Her father couldn't help her. He was going to therapy for the reason her mom was. He couldn't cope. Just like everyone else. No one could fucking cope anymore.
Her brother.
Gabe.
Her brother was dead. He had been for 16 years. He was never coming back and Natalie was both glad and upset by this.
Gabe took away any chance of a relationship she could have had with her mother.
She didn't know if it would have been any different if he was alive. Would he still have been the favorite? Was Natalie forever destined to be the invisible girl?
Henry.
That boy.
He was fucked up. He was a stoner, crazy, loopy, damaged, awkward, lazy, loner.
And Natalie loved him.
He wanted to love her. To hold her. Be crazy with her. Be perfect for her.
She wasn't good enough for him. She was bitter, sarcastic, bitchy, miserable, unstable, crazy, a freak.
They were so alike though. That's what would tear them apart.
Anyone else? There was no one left. Those were the 4 people she thought about and made time to cherish before she would make her choice.
Even the four people she loved weren't enough to keep her going. Even them she made up reasons for leaving behind.
She felt that Henry deserved a goodbye.
It's really hard to tell someone you love goodbye.
Oh well.
She'll deal with it.
She took out her cell phone and dialed Henry's number, her heart pouding when she heard it
ringing.
It's okay, she would be strong about this.
"Hey, Nat."
Just kidding.
"Henry." Her voice was wavering already.
Apparently, he knew her too well because he asked. "Nat, what's wrong? What's going on?"
"I needed to say goodbye." She replied. This was a mistake. This was going to make it harder.
"Goodbye? What are you talking about?" His tone was sweet, and concerned. Ugh, she was being
stupid. So FUCKING stupid.
"I have to leave. I'm done. I'm nothing."
"No, you don't have to go. You're not nothing. You're perfect. You're perfect for me-"
There was no time for this. "No, I'm not! I'm not perfect. I'm not good enough for you. I'm going to be gone and here I am, trying to tell you a sweet, fucking romantic goodbye and you're ruining it!" She hated yelling at him. This wasn't the first time she had a fit around him. There have been so many times when she called him up at 3 A.M, sobbing because of her depression. He supported her each and every time, saying that though her disorder was difficult and insane, he'd be perfect for her.
Perfect.
There was nothing on his end of the line now.
Tears streamed down her face at this point, "It's been... great, Henry, but I can't anymore. It's not you. I just... I have to leave this place-"
"Jesus, Nat, no. Do you want me to call 911?"
"GOD, no, Henry. Just accept my goodbye and be done with it."
"I can't be done with you, Natalie. I love you. I'll come over. Say the word and I'll be there."
He was always trying to fix her problems, make her feel better. Hold her when she cried, pick her up at random clubs, take the pills away from her.
How pathetic that Nat couldn't repay him.
"No. Henry... I-I love you."
"Natalie, please-"
"Goodbye."
"Don't do any-"
End call.
Got that out of the way.
What about her parents? She didn't want to leave a suicide note for the sole reason that she didn't
know what to say to them.
There's a world
There's a world I know
Taking a deep breath, Natalie stood up and walked to her desk, pulling out her drawer. Under a bunch of cards, pencils and journals were her old pills. She never threw them away. She was never quite ready to let them go.
A place we can go
Where the pain will go away
There's a world where the sun shines each day.
This was it. There were 26 pills left in the bottle. She dumped them all into her hand and chucked the bottle on the floor. Inhaling sharply and squeezing her eyes shut, she poured half of the pills into her mouth.
She grabbed her water bottle from her desk and took a big gulp to swallow the pills down. God, that stuff was hard to take in all at once.
Still, she poured the rest of the pills in her mouth, taking another sip of water.
That was the last of them.
Now, she just had to sit back, and wait.
There's a world
There's a world out there
Natalie crawled onto her bed and lay down on her back. For the first 10 minutes, she felt nothing and was contemplating taking more. Suddenly, she felt her body become weak and light within a few more minutes. Her eyesight was getting blurry and her head was spinning. It was happening. She closed her eyes, hoping that the pain would stop.
I'll show you just where
And in time, I know, you'll see
This is what she wanted. She wanted to die. She wanted to escaped from the hopelessness that is life. She wanted to leave and not face the failure of being mentally ill. Of being crazy. Of being fucked up. Like her mother.
There's a world where we can be free
But, she didn't want the pain that came with it. The pounding in her head was increasing by the minute so she had to keep her eyes shut. Her stomach felt like it was being flipped around. She suddenly wanted to move, to try to hold her head, her stomach, herself, but she couldn't find the strength to lift her arms.
Come with me
Nat was starting to leave the conscious world and enter the place between awake and asleep. Her muscles were relaxing slowly. Her body became less tense.
Come with me
Everything was going black. She saw flashes of light before because her room was bright, but now only darkness was surrounding her. There was a ringing in her ears.
There's a world where we can be free
This was it.
She was dying.
She was leaving this world and going into the next.
She was leaving her family behind with only questions and memories of her.
She was gone.
The invisible girl has faded away.
And she didn't want anyone to look for her anymore.
Come with me
Everything was now
Darkness.