Hi! =) For the people that I've told that I was having my doubts about this story, I changed my mind. I realized that it was my stupidity and insecurities talking. Although I will be editing it a little again and to those who've read this before, you don't have to read it again since it'll be minor and I won't change anything major. Reading back, I honestly don't know what the hell I was thinking for writing like that =)) Funny how a few years makes me wanna put my hand through a time machine and give me a really good kick.
Anyway, thanks to everyone who followed, favorite'd and review'd. I'm shocked that I still get emails people reading this thing and taking their time to tick those boxes. THANK YOU! Especially to DizzyIzzyCullen who never failed to review a chapter.
Oh by the way, warning: weird chapter (not that you should expect anything less from me).
One last thing! This story called Wrecked with Bella by JKazzie is really amazing. If you guys could please read it and maybe show her a little love she'll update it. I'LL GET DOWN ON MY KNEES IF I HAVE TO! She last updated it on Dec. 30, 2013 and maybe if she sees just how much people really likes her story she'd update it.
This shameless pimping is brought to you by Izzy's desperation. You can feel it suffocating me!
Chapter 19
"If I say I wouldn't be hostile,
Could you say you would do the same?
If we're all made just a little bit broken,
Tell me who is to blame?"
-Of Mice & Men
Fucking Jessica fucking Stanley and her backstabbing ass.
I knew that that little shrew had the hots for my boyfriend way before I came into the picture but come on how many times can you receive a no before you get the hint?
I knew that I'm also being insensitive (and maybe a little complacent) by leaving him hanging like that for so long (let's be real though, it's only been 2 days) and to be honest, I overreacted. But his lack of reaction at what happened a few days ago hurts.
I've always felt like an outsider everywhere I went but with the Cullens, it was rare that I had moments where I was on the outside looking in. They had been welcoming and open from the get go—save for Rosalie, of course. From the moment I stepped into the grand white house in the middle of the forest, I could feel her disapproval sneering at me to beat it but Edward's family was important to him so I placed on my best smile and braved it.
Funny how the beautiful blonde sister was the one who wanted to gouge my eyes out. Way to B-rate my life, asshole.
If I was being truthful with myself I knew that I wasn't really hurting over what Rosalie said to me that day no matter how spiteful it was. Really, it was Edward's still mouth and his pleads at me to just understand her sister because it was just "how she is" then promptly got mad at me when I told him that I wouldn't be coming to his house for awhile that did me in. Although that didn't work out too well considering the fact that I had school and Charlie had work and Sylvie just turned 13 months old.
A knuckle rapped at my window and I jumped in shock, knocking me out of my thoughts. "You scared me." I said, rolling down the window.
"I'm sorry. Can we talk?"
"It's fine. Get in." I replied, smiling.
"I caught your little show in the cafeteria earlier. Want to tell me what that was about?" She smirked at me slyly while I every blood in my body rushed upward.
My hands flew up to my face, covering skin where my blush was deepening."I am so sorry about that." I mumbled through my hands.
A tinkling laugh rang out and Angela's voice was colored with amusement. Awesome. "Don't be. Edward seemed to have liked it." She winked.
Intrigued, I lifted my head from my hands to peek up at her. "He did?" I've never been bold or forward with Edward like that before and to think that we took that step in front of a crowd made me feel like shit. Especially cause I was the one who forced us to take that step.
Still worth it. I smirked.
"Yeah. He did. Very much by the looks of it." Angela said slyly.
Good intentions or not, I'm gonna beat her face in if she says something that contained the words "see" and "hard". Or maybe that might be too violent for a small town and give the morally-induced elderly a heart attack.
She must've seen the look on my face cause she frowned and threw her hand up. "Not like that, I swear. Although I'm sure it's like that too had I taken a peek. Which I didn't. Cause you know that would be weird and—"
"Angela." I grounded out in warning.
"Okay, I'm stopping."
"I thought you wanted to talk." I reminded her in an attempt to get out Edward "liking it like that" out of my mind.
"I did. I do. It's just I wasn't sure if it was any of my business." She said uncertainly. "I'm just worried about you and Edward. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. I wasn't trying to meddle. It's just that I saw that Edward looked really sad and then you looked really sad and you didn't come to school together and you sat withJessica and her posse out of all people and I feel bad that I wasn't there for you when you—"
"Angela. It's okay. Breathe." Neurotic as she seems right now, I was touched by her concern. Throughout the day, the only thing I've visibly seen is people's glee at the fact that a.) Edward dates now and b.) Edward is free to date now. Sickening how much of a vulture these bastards are. Circling overhead at the first sign of weakness.
She took a deep, steadying breath before continuing in a strong voice. "I just wanted to say that if you ever needed to talk about it or gorge over a pint of B&J or a bottle of JD or whatever, I'm here. I'm very good at keeping my opinions to myself despite my verbal diarrheas." She shrugged, smiling apologetically.
I smiled indulgently at my friend. No doubt I'd take her up on her offer. "I appreciate that."
"Great. Good. Great." Sighing in relief, obviously pleased that it was over and that she got her point across with minimal damage. "Okay." She said, clamoring out of my truck and getting caught in the strap of her messenger bag in the process. If Emmett thought I was funny, he obviously hadn't met Angela before.
And just like that my thoughts retreated back into the dark space of depression that I was in.
A crazy thought popped into my head and as quickly as it came another thought swooped by.
This is not a good idea.
Before I could second guess myself, I took a chance. "Angela!" I hollered at her from across the parking lot.
"Yeah?" She shouted back.
"Get in." I said, starting the engine.
"You should know something," Angela whispered beside me. "I've never cut class before."
"Mother-FUCKER!" I squealed as the ride reached its peak and plundered downward. I screeched louder as the twists started to get sharper and my head lolled violently to trying to catch up with the rest of my body. Angela screamed bloody murder beside me, occasionally whacking me in the face with her arm and her long hair getting into my mouth a few times.
I was laughing hysterically by the time we got out of the cart. "I don't think I've ever had that much fun ever!" Angela squealed, flailing her arms. I held onto one and ducked my head a little to avoid getting another probable bruise. "You probably wanna control those things." I said pointedly, chuckling at her enthusiasm.
"Right sorry." She nodded solemnly. "Come on, let's get something to eat!"
Sitting at one of the unoccupied tables, I unwrapped my burger, inhaling greedily at the scent. "You didn't get to eat earlier did you?" She said sympathetically as she ate hers at a much more reasonable pace.
"No." I spoke through the food in my mouth, probably grossing her out in the process but I certainly don't give a shit.
"Here." She handed me a cherry coke and poised the straw for me. I gave her a weirded out look but accepted it nonetheless cause let's face it, if you're never weird with a friend then you're lying to yourself if you think that that person is actually a friend.
"Thanks." I beamed at her.
"Sorry. I got used to it with the twins." She shrugged sheepishly.
"I think it's sweet." I comforted her. Poor thing seems really embarrassed. If only she saw half the things I do when I'm with Emmett and Jasper.
I didn't really think that they were serious when they asked me if I wanted them to chew my food for me like a bird would but had I said yes I'm pretty sure it would've ended badly.
Trust me.
Alice said so.
"I'm sorry about Jessica by the way. She used to be really sweet before Lauren got to her." Angela said bitterly. That girl is pure malice."
"Yeah. She's a real piece of work." I muttered, ripping apart a bun without the patty. I don't understand how they could create things that could make a hellava lot more things but couldn't figure out how to make a damn patty stay put on the bun so that you wouldn't be left living with regret when we all know that that last bite is the best. Don't tell me that it depends on how the person eats it because we all know that's bullshit. There's gotta be some scientific explanation for all this. "Both of them are."
"I can't stand her anymore sometimes but we've been friends for so long that I can't bring myself to hate her or anything. And she reverts back to her old self when it's just the two of us. It's... confusing." She chuckled.
"It's high school, hun. It's like we stepped into the corridors of North Shore High School."
"Huh?"
"Alice made me watch Mean Girls." I said dismissively.
"Oh."
After a few peaceful moments of slurping the last sip of the coke on the deepest part of the cup, Angela broached the topic carefully.
"How's that going, anyway? I heard Sylvie's staying with Cullens on school days and—"
"Wait, where did you hear that?" I cut her off, raising my brows incredulously.
She flushed deep red, refusing to meet my eyes. "I heard it from some people."
"Huh." I sighed resignedly. "It's... going, I guess. I don't suppose you know why?"
"I might've heard a few things." As saintly as my good friend is, it was stupid to think that she'd be impervious to gossip. I know that she doesn't believe so I guess it's better that nothing.
"Lay it on me." I said wearily. This is getting old real fast. I knew that being with the elusive Edward Cullen was gonna stir the pot but I didn't realize it was a pot of certifiably fucking insane.
"Well some said that Edward was cheating on you." She said uncertainly as I snorted with disdain. "As if." I snipped.
"They also said that you and Edward were... well, sleeping together and he'd gotten you pregnant."
"Why would I be pissed off at Edward if he did get me pregnant?" I hissed, annoyed at their conclusion. Dumbasses probably didn't even know that we'd rejoice if such a thing were to happen. Edward was amazing with Sylvie and to see him with our child made me deliriously ecstatic. My vision blazed red in anger at what Edward must be going through right now. And I'm sure that his self-deprecating ass was on overdrive.
I blame Less Than Jake for this.
Ignoring my outburst she said the most ridiculous thing ever. "And that you found out Edward was cheating on you with a man."
What? "What?"
"My sentiments exactly." She chortled.
"Okay, let me reassure you that my Edward is not attracted to men." I said, guffawing heavily.
Oh man, wait till Jasper hears this.
I pulled out my phone to send Edward a text.
You replaced me for balls, baby. How am I supposed to react to that? -B
I was still laughing when my phone chimed, signaling a text message.
I'm sorry I never told you, love. I didn't think the time would come when I wasn't content with all this behind me. -E
I laughed harder as another message was sent.
No pun intended. -E
I flashed my screen to Angela and she laughed as hard as I did.
"You see that's what I don't get. The first time you two have a fight —"
"Oh, this wasn't the first time, trust me." I commented to thwart the perfect picture she was painting in her head.
"Fine." She amended, a little annoyed at the interruption. "The first public fight you guys have and everyone just assumes you're gonna drop each other like hot coals." She snorted scathingly. "Maybe you guys aren't perfect and people thinks that you're young and that your relationship is just another Taylor Swift hit,"
"Ha!" I snortled. Seeing the look on Angela's face, I sobered quickly. "Sorry," I cleared my throat. "Go on."
"As I was saying," She paused to glare at my angelic expression.
It doesn't do much for her like it does for Edward.
Like it doesfor Edward. I stiffled a laugh at the thought, not wanting to attract Angela's ire in the middle of her declaration.
Stop it. I scolded myself although I wanted nothing more than to lose myself in the hysterics.
I settled on biting my lip and clenching my fists trying intently to listen to Angela.
"I'm 100% sure that if you and Edward don't succeed, I don't think any of us has a chance."
My thoughts snapped back to seriousness as I heard the tale end of what she said.
A smile spread itself on my face and I couldn't help the warm embers that ignited in me whenever I remember that I have Edward to love and to love me back.
"We aren't perfect, Angela." I said softly, the levity of what she's implying settling around me.
"We have our own sets of problems and we have little quirks that annoys the living hell out of each other." I smiled fondly at Edward's inability to let me make my own food. He was always trying to take care of me and I frowned as I realized that in the shadow of my own insecurity, I failed to see that I was thwarting every attempts he's made (and making) at showing me his love. Don't get me wrong, he's a very articulate guy who doesn't need the extra "show" part of the show and tell but he likes to oscillate between the two. I have some issues that I obviously need to work on.
"But the thing is, nothing lasts forever no matter how it feels today. Our love is just going to grow as will every other feelings that we ignite in each other. The thing though, is that, despite that daunting truth, at the end of the day, it's our choice to go through the spontaneity that life offers us. And we choose to do it together. We aren't perfect, no." I shook my head, feeling tears pricking at the corner of my eyes which was a normal reaction every time I talk about my feelings. "We're just perfect for each other." I smiled lovingly at the picture of Edward and I in each other's arms at the meadow on my screen, looking as if we only existed in a place where there's no one else but the two of us. And then I flick my thumb to open to my wallpaper and then there's the three of us. Me, my love and Sylvie.
"Bella..." Angela whimpered. "I never took you for a Five For Fighting fan."
And just like that my moment was over.
"Dammit, I thought I at least have until the AM before you googled some of my words." I grouched.
She laughed and after a moment her gaze softened into the kindness that only this remarkable human could possess. "I think you'd make it. I think that right now though, whatever happened to have caused this kind of reaction from both of you, the emotions are still running high which heightened what either of you are feeling and that's why you're still both being idiots. I know you're perfect for each other. Heck, anybody with a brain would know it. But as you said, you guys aren't perfect and sometimes you just need someone to remind you of what you have." She said kindly.
"Is that a song lyric?" I muttered to her as I curled my arms beneath my head.
"No, silly."
"Angela." I whispered after a moment. Despite the noise around us, I couldn't bring myself to speak louder than a breath because I'm too afraid that this bubble would burst too and Angela wasn't really who I thought she was.
"Yeah?"
"Why didn't you ask me what happened between Edward and I?" I asked.
She sighed before continuing. "Besides the fact that it's really none of my business?" I shook my head in disagreement of her statement. "It is none of my business, Bella." I nodded after a moment of thought. "I really don't want to know. Honestly, knowledge is a burden sometimes especially if it's not for you in the first place." She said.
"Don't get me wrong, if you choose to tell me then I'll always listen and it wouldn't be burden because it wouldn't fall into the 'sometimes' category for a whole lot of obvious reasons. It's just that I think that the people that are important to you's opinions would always matter but I think no one's opinion should matter more than your own when it comes to decisions like these because eventually you're going to be the one to deal with it. We're just hear to help you with the clutter so that you'd see the situation in the best light and we don't need more than the generalization."
"Look at you, Ms. Grown-Up. Being the eldest certainly suits you." I grinned fondly at her to which she replied with a wry one. "My dad may be a Minister but that doesn't mean he isn't stupid with my mom sometimes."
I laughed at the expression of her face. "Which reminds me," She sat up, suddenly alarmed. "We need to get going or else my parents are going to pop off their lid."
I quickly gathered my belongings and we walked towards the parking lot.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come in with you?" I asked for the hundredth time as I was dropping Angela home.
She laughed at my craziness then opened the cab door. "I'll be fine, Bella. I'm a big girl and they trust me to make the right decisions." She smiled.
"Oh my gosh, they're gonna tell the whole town to stay away from the bad influence that is me who soiled their saint-like daughter!" I groaned into my hands, horrified at the possible outcome. What would this mean to Charlie and his work? Will they not trust him anymore cause I screwed up? I groaned louder and Angela patted my hair reassuringly.
"Relax, Bella, I told them that I was taking the rest of the day off to help you. Just because they're religious doesn't mean they're whipcracking strict, y'know." She told me in amusement. "You're overreacting." She deadpanned after not hearing anything that resembled an approval from me.
"Well, I'm sorry for caring!" I said in mock offense.
"Fine." She bit back.
"But really, Angela, thanks for well, a lot of things." She smiled brightly at me, blushing at the praise before ordering me to go home. "It's been a long day and it's getting late for a school night." She said, referring to both our time at the park and our 2 hour drive.
"Yes, Ma'am." I said, snapping her a salute.
"Don't be a smartass." She laughed.
"Bye!"
Knowing that it's time to survey the damage, I called my dad to tell him that I was staying with the Cullens. He was still wary of me staying over at my 17 year old, hormonal, teenage boyfriend even after Carlisle and Esme reassured him that we were under strict supervision (as if) as well he should be but eventually relented when I talked to him rationally.
As sad as it sounds, Charlie and mine's relationship were more of an adult who didn't know his father instead of a teenager who didn't know his father. I couldn't help but feel robbed when we had the opportunity to connect.
With no time to dwell in the past and Angela's clutter freeing service, I sped over to the Cullen mansion where my future lies.
If he isn't with his lover right now, that is.
My muse for this chapter is probably my obsession with Post/Pre-New Moon fics. The Bella and Edward's that I've read reminded me the reason why I wrote this story in the first place. I get really depressed whenever I read the saga cause their relationship hardly progressed even when Edward was a dumbass in New Moon. Though that really didn't stop me from obsessing, it did eventually led to my obsession with different takes of Twililght here on ffn. My own version of the couple and the rest of the family is something that made me breathe a little better everytime I get overly emotional at the could've been in their relationship though it may seem juvenile (let's face it, it is juvenile) the inconsequential problems that normal relationships have is what I'm trying to portray. I'm pretty sure that just because they're unique, it doesn't make them an exception to stupidity too. I'm not sure I'm successful but I try not to take these things seriously. I get overly emotional and attached to the different character voices in my head.
My muses were (and I suggest that you read them cause seriously they're awesome):
Serenity's Prayer by ladylibre
The way that girl's mind works astounds me. Really. It's one of the best things out there. It's heartwarming and tearjerking and Bella made me wanna strangle her and I wanted to applaud Edward even though his misplaced guilt (which he eventually learned to reign in. Flawless transition, really). There are just no words. I'm still waiting for the sequel and I would definitely pounce the moment she posts it. It was one hell of a ride that's for sure.
Eight Years Later by jmeyer
It's not on ffn anymore but I did find it on Twilighted. Such a shame that she didn't post any outtakes. I was sobbing by the end of it. I read it 2-3 years and I just recently reacquainted with it. It better than I remember. It's a post-Eclipse/in the middle of a stunted Breaking Dawn thing cause Edward left her on their wedding day and the Bella there is one of my favorites.
Blood Lines by windchymes
I don't have any words for this. It was breathtaking and beautiful and euphoric. I could't come out of the bubble I was in for a few days when I read this thing. I'm currently reading her story called Distractions and I'm hooked. Funny story about this one, I discovered it same time I read Eight Years Later but because I was too much of a pussy to read something about vampire Edward sticking his thingy inside another person before and besides Bella that I didn't read it nor did I take note of the fact that I would experience my own heartbreak and that my taste would eventually improve. Which eventually led me to a severe case of headache and pulling out all the stops to find the story (which I just did some time last month). Thanks so much to that person on Perusing The Shelves (which I forgot the name of. Yeah I know, I'm an idiot and a bitch) by the way! It took me hours to figure out how to navigate that thing and to be honest, I'm still a little confused. I can't find my post and I don't know how to personally thank her! It makes me feel sad. Anyway, this story is during Eclipse and it really has a special place in my heart.
I forgot the others that I read but maybe I'll share it with you guys on my next update.
And please, please, please don't forget Wrecked with Bella by JKazzie I'M BEGGING YOU GUYS LEAVE HER SOME LOVE PLEASEEE!
Thanks for reading! I don't think I've written a chapter this long before. I hope you guys enjoyed! And don't forget to drop me a little something in the review box right down there.
THANKS FOR READING! I hope you enjoyed.