I'm sorry, Yuki. I messed up big time. It's not like before...my little mistakes could be forgiven then. This time I can't take it back. I want to so bad, too. I just want to reverse time and start over, and make sure that this never happened. Sadly, I can't. It's eating me up inside and I have to tell you, I just have to. But I don't know how to tell you. I'm a bad liar, so I know that I am definatly sticking out like a sore thumb trying to come up with excuses to tell you... I can see the suspicion in your face, and I see the worry. You fear for the worst, don't you, my love? That's what I was afraid of. Because I have done the worst. This..this is unforgivable. It's not your fault that this happened, either. It's all mine. One thing led to another and then I ended up putting myself in the lowest situation that I have ever been in. I'm the dirt now. I deserve to be trodden on. I'm trying to put that past behind me. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to remember what I have done...because all it would do is hurt you. This..this...diabolical act that I have done will do nothing but destroy you. I don't want that. I know it's not good to hide thing away inside, but dammit Yuki, I can't and I won't hurt you! I don't care about whatever punishment I may get, because the worst punishment I could ever recieve would be to see hurt fill your eyes. I couldn't bear that, Yuki. I just couldn't. You and I share a bond, right. We aren't just lovers...we are a part of each other, right? We are supposed to share anything with each other.. But not this..no, I can't. It isn't fair because you told me of your past..But mine is different. Much different. I can't stand to see you ache. I'm sorry, Yuki. I hope there is some room for forgiveness in your heart. I allowed myself to be intimidated, led in false hope that everything would be ok..and now look where it's led me. Lying in a pool of my own blood. The only thing I know to do is to rid myself of this world. Because I have no purpose here..except to mess everything up. I have gotten to thinking, about yours and my past together. I have done nothing by cause you trouble. Like bothering you while you were working, or waking you up in the middle of the night because I was cold, or being so loud, or never giving up to start with. I can see it now, Yuki. You wanted me gone. I know you did. I don't see that as much now as I did before, but now, looking back, I can see it. Very well. I love you, Yuki. No matter what, I won't leave your side...I made that promise. And I intend to keep it..even in death. Please don't linger on the past...especially on something like me. Everything will be ok. You made it fine without me before..I think you can make it now. I'm sorry for messing everything up. I'm sorry for messing up so badly that I have been reduced to this...bloody heap on the floor of your kitchen. Be happy, Eiri.

Love forever, Shindo Shuichi

Yuki Eiri gripped the note tightly in his hand, fighting ferociously to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. There Shuichi was, just as the note had said, lying in a bloody heap on the kitchen floor, both wrists slit, the knife still gripped tightly in his hand.

He knew that Shuichi was acting differently. He wasn't speaking to him, and if he did he would give nervous replies and run away without even finishing what he was saying. Eiri mentally slapped himself.. He should have seen this coming. He should have acted upon it. He should have shown Shuichi a little more concern, then maybe he wouldn't be dying on his kitchen floor. Shuichi's wounds were fresh, because the blood was still oozing out of the slits on his wrists.

Yuki stuffed the note in his pocket and grabbed two dishtowels out of a drawer nearby and tied them around firmly around Shuichi's wrists. --That should stop the bleeding, at least for now-- Eiri thought as he gathered his dangerously pale lover in his arms and carried him to his car. He carefully laid him down in the backseat, got into the driver seat and made his way quickly to the hospital. Lucky, hardly anyone was out driving on this very day.

The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever, thought it was only a few minutes. He got of the car and proceeded to gather Shuichi out of the backseat. A doctor was pulling into the hospital parking lot to start his shift. He noticed a tall blonde pulling someone out of the backseat. That person looked awfully pale, so he ran over to the blonde to see what was wrong. When he approached he immediatly recognized the two.

"Yuki Eiri and Shindo Shuichi"
"Hai, now can you please get him in quickly before he bleeds to death." Eiri said angrily, noticing that blood was starting to seep through the dishtowels that were wrapped around poor Shuichi's arms.

"Hai, right this way"
The doctor led Eiri into the hospital where he immediatly gathered a group of random nurses that were roaming the hallway. "Is there a free spot in the ER? This boy needs a blood transfusion immediatly"
"Yes, sir." the nurse bowed and ran to check into the ER. She came back less than a minute later telling the doctor there was a free spot and she would have to blood to him pronto.

"I'm going to have you to ask to let us take him." the doctor told Eiri, who was still carrying the dying Shuichi.
Eiri was reluctant.

"Yuki Eiri-san, gomen"
Yuki sighed and allowed Shuichi to be taken from him and put onto the hospital bed that was being rolled over to him.

"I will let you know of any updates." the doctor told Eiri before rushing into the elevator, Shuichi lying on the bed, his blood staining the pure white sheets.

Eiri made his way to the waiting room. Take the note out of his pocket, he reread it, taking in every word that was sloppily written down.

"What did you do that was so wrong, Shu?" Eiri said to himself. He let the tears he had been fighting fall freely. "Damn, Shuichi, don't you die on me..."