A/N: I was inspired during one of my classes tonight; I wrote about 10 pages in an hour! Here's the beginning; please tell me what you think!

This takes place after Serenity but I like to pretend Wash is still alive.

Firefly and Serenity belong to Joss Whedon, not me.

"Gorram it girl, give me back my apple."

Jayne Cobb, hired gun aboard the Firefly class ship Serenity, was annoyed. He was often annoyed; it was in his nature to be surly and generally unapproachable. However, a certain moonbrained young woman was annoying him more than usual.

River Tam giggled softly. "This is mine now," she stated matter-of-factly. "Much too shiny for you. You need polishing. Can't take care of a shiny apple."

Jayne growled and stood abruptly, his hunting knife at his side. "I ain't aimin' to take care of it girl, I'm aimin' to eat it. Now hand it over!"

She giggled again and whisked out the door, nearly faster than Jayne could blink. Her voiced echoed back into the kitchen: "It needs love to grow!" He walked to the doorway and looked down the hallway. Suddenly, her head popped out from a stairwell. "You're not ready to love it," she said calmly. "You need polishing! You're too dirty."

Jayne boiled over. "Jien tah duh guay!" In a few long, loping strides he was nearly to the stairwell. River shrieked and ran, the apple still clutched desperately in her hand. Down the stairs and corridors they went, River half laughing, half crying as Jayne ruthlessly chased her. He wasn't annoyed anymore; like River, he was half enraged and half amused at the younger woman's antics. When he had decided she amused him as well as infuriated him, he didn't know.

They crashed into the cargo bay. River danced down the stairs and crouched behind several large black crates. Jayne leaped down the last few steps and cornered her.

Simon appeared suddenly in the cargo bay, followed quickly by Kaylee. He pushed unsuccessfully against Jayne's chest to move him. "River," he pleaded gently, "River, give the apple back to the terrifying mercenary, okay?"

She shook her head.

"Okay then," he sighed, "Could I have the apple?"

"Are you worthy of loving it?" She asked him seriously.

"Am I – what? Yes River, I can love the apple," Simon replied. River pulled back slightly, as though she didn't believe him. Her eyes fell on Jayne, and she stared at his heaving chest and angry eyes. With her eyes still on him, she tossed the apple into Simon's hands. He sighed again and handed the apple to Jayne, whose eyes did not leave River's face as he took an enormous bite.

Kaylee wrapped her arms around River. Conspiratorially, she said, "Let's leave those menfolk be. How about you show me some of those pretty steps you was doin' last night?" River smiled, and she led Kaylee out of the cargo bay, dancing to music only she heard.

Jayne turned to Simon and looked down onto him, apple juice dripping into his goatee. "You keep her under control, dong ma? I ain't responsible for what happens to her when she goes all crazy-like."

Simon paled. "You wouldn't dare. You know what will happen if you do."

"Are you threatnin' me, Doc?" Another bite and the apple was nearly gone.

"No. The Captain will kill you if you hurt either of us, and you will have to go through me to get to her. Besides, we all know what you value more than coin: your own skin."

"I ain't gonna do nothin' to her," Jayne growled. He sheathed his hunting knife; Simon hadn't seen it in his hand. "I'm sayin' if I gotta stop her when she gets crazy, and she's getting' crazier, don't try an' deny it, she could get hurt. Case you haven't noticed, but I'm a mite bigger'n she is."

Simon swallowed thickly. "That will not be necessary." As he walked underneath Jayne's arms, he saw River had escaped Kaylee's happy wiles and stood in the doorway.

"You could be shiny, Jayne," she called. Simon rushed to her but she continued. "If you let the river polish you, the whole 'verse would shine with you!"

As Simon ushered her away, Jayne finished his apple. He began walking back to his bunk, his thoughts in a multitude of places. Most underestimated his thinking skills. Sure, he wasn't a genius doctor, but he had a type of smarts that served him well in the black. He knew when someone was lying to him, he knew how to haggle and damn if he wasn't the best shot on the ship. At that particular moment, he was thinking about a girl, and her crazy words.

"Polishin' my ass," he grunted, and buried any and all feeling she might have stirred up inside him. He stalked off to see if Mal would spot him in a set.

Jien tah duh guay - like hell

dong ma - understand?