Its in your blood.
 By MissMesser aka Dark soul, Dead life

Ryan was sitting on top of the MDPD-building. The Gun at his left hand, loaded, of that he was sure. He had filed the magazine this morning all the way twelve plus one in the guns chamber.
In his hand he was toying with a razor blade, folding up the right sleeve.
Placing the blade against his skin, then three cuts.

One; The pain could barely be notice.

Two; The blood started running out of the cuts, and down his arm.

Three; A perfect "H" was completed.

The red blood started to stop and he cut in the cuts. The pain starts showing a little more.
Six cuts, then three more and three more, and more after that. Twenty one cuts marked out the big nice "H" on his arm. Barely showing from under the deep red color that cover his pail arm.
Ryan put the razor blade at the side with his gun and fish up a lighter from his pocket.
Everyone on the team had got one from Horatio, after a very hard case. His was the only one with writing on it; "It's in your blood"

He flipped it open, and lighted it up and just like the razor, Ryan hold it to his skin.
This was what he wanted, pain, sweet pain.
After awhile when the fire no longer gave him what he needed, what he wanted, what kept him from going insane, he put it back in the pocket and took the blade back up.
This time he hold up his shirt over his belly was showed.
Ryan had barely eaten in two months and he had trained twice as much as normal.
The blade cut through the skin, another twenty one marks to another "H" and this time eighth cuts to the frame around.
Ryan put the razor in the pocket with the lighter. Lifting the gun up to his mouth.

Click.

Click? Was he dead?

Ryan lower the gun, took out the magazine clip; Empty.

"I empty it at lunch time"

Ryan just steered at the empty gun and magazine,

as familiar steps from his boss come closer to where he was sitting on a box, his boss right behind him.

"Leave me alone" Ryan's voice was hard, cold, and almost a whisper.

A hand was placed with softness on his shoulder, him still holding the gun, hoping that some bullets, to magic appear out of nowhere.

"Tell me, I'm not a failure" Ryan said taking a shaking breath, for so letting it out.

"YOU are NOT; every one makes a mistake every now an then" Horatios voice was soft and caring.

"Every now and then" He was starting to get frustrated " Try every day, every minute" He was yelling at the end by the end.

Horatio walked around his younger CSI: and stepped in front of him, the hand never leaving the lost boy, as he let his eyes drift over Ryan.

His pail face and hollow eyes, the thin frame that was supposed to be his body.

His shirt stained with blood over his belly. And blood running down his right arm.

Horatio let go of Ryan and took the gun and magazine, put it in his jacked.

"Come on" He said quietly "Stand up"

He got up on his feet, after some help from Horatio, after his legs almost gave out under him.

Horatio took Ryan's jacket help him on with it and zip it up, so no one could see the the blood before he guided the boy true MD to the Parking lot, and his parked Hummer.

On the ride to Horatios place not a word was said, mostly because Ryan fall asleep after ten minutes.

Well home, he placed Ryan the sofa, before he walk to the bathroom to collect some bandage and some towels to wash the blood off, "His" blood, Ryan's blood.

Horatio looked at himself in the bathroom mirror.

How could he have been this stupid?

How did he not notice how fare gone Ryan had became?

He took a deep breath and let it slowly out, calming himself, he had to figure out what had sent the young man over the edge...

Back in the livin room Ryan was sitting and toying with the lighter, tracing the writing with his thumb. Reading the four letters over and over again. "It's in your blood"

Yeah, to fuck up everything Ryan though

"It's in my blood to fuck up everything" he said in a low whisper

"No, Ryan" Horatios voice come in to the room, softer than any voice he had use on the roof,

softer than any voice he used on the victim's and their family and friends.

Horatio sat down the things he had gadder up on the coffee table and sat down at Ryan's left side.

"No Ryan" He said again, while he helped Ryan off whit the jacket, the Shirt sleeve was stained with blood, a deep red color that should be inside not outside in the strange.

Ryan didn't reply, just watched as his boss wash of the blood.

Horatio got shocked when he saw what was under the red substand "H"

"Hilary"Ryan whispered " Hilary Abagail Wolf"

This time it was Horatios turn not to replay, just giving Ryan his time to keep speaking.

"She was my sister"

Horatio keeped his mouth shut, fighting the urge to speak, and not rush the scared young boy longer away.

"She was killed, tow mounts ago, the graveyard shift got it.

He pulled his arm away from his boss and whine a little from the pain, that shoot true the arm, and over his belly.

He push himself of the sofa, grabbed his jacket and stumbling over to the front door.

"I'm going home" He trowed the words over his shoulder back to the man still sitting on the sofa.

It took a second or two before the older man reacted and grabbed Ryan six feet from the door, six feet from the edge, six feet from the loosing him in the forever going black.

Pulling the boy back to the sofa, he took the jacket once again. Placed it on his left side away from Ryan and started unbutting the shirt.

He bandage Ryan's arm and switch out the bloody towel with a clean one, before he started washing the belly, for so bandage that too.

Ryan started sobbing, everything that have been hold back, his sister getting killed, his parents blaming him for it, the nailed true his eye, his money problem because of gambling, and him almost killing himself, everything hit him at once, and everything hit hard.

Horatio Took Ryan in a side way hug and let him lean his tired body rest against his.

After a while the sobs quiet down, and he help the young CSI to his guest room and in bed, than going off of to his own.

Tomorrow was another day, and he was damn sure that he was going to help Ryan.

The End

A/N: I'm most likely to write a second part not sure yet... R&R... )